Narcissists and money, I mean, who wants to even go there?! They’re obsessed with it, and you become a part of that the moment you meet them.
You see them freely waving wads of cash around ,exposing all their worth to the world. So what is it about you that makes their spending not only slow down, but stop altogether?
Trust me when I say don’t take it personally.
Here are 7 reasons why narcissists spend freely on themselves, yet count the pennies around you.
#1 They have an image to maintain!
Money may come and go for most of us, but narcissists love to hold onto a certain amount of it – a lot in fact – in order to maintain their image.
The fact is, if they’re spending it on you, they’re not saving up for that car upgrade.
If they’re buying you something, that money isn’t going toward that lavish vacation.
Do you see where I’m going with this? You cannot have it if the money goes missing from another pot!
The image of the narcissist really is all they have. It’s how they convince people that they are who they say they are. It’s how they push perfection onto the world, even if it’s fake.
So yes, you miss out on the pennies because they are too busy focusing on themselves.
#2 Only when it benefits them
Listen, let’s get one thing completely clear. Narcissists can and will spend money on you if it benefits them.
Take that important work party, for example. The narcissist might get promoted to partner, and they want you to look fabulous.
So they throw their credit card at you and tell you there’s no limit on what you want to buy.
A dress, shoes, a bag, get your hair done; whatever it is to look like a million bucks.
That’s okay, because it means you are doing them a favor. You’re going to be their trophy for the night, and they want to impress their boss in every way they can.
If it means they get what they want, there is no end to their money supply!
#3 They feel you don’t deserve it
It’s a hard pill to swallow because they make it seem so true. They want you so badly to know that you’re not worth a dime, and I always think the most challenging part of that is the victim actually buying into it and feeling that way.
I hear it all the time in my practice, and I have to stop people in their tracks as they say, “Well, Alexander, you know, I’m just not worth the money. I know that’s why they don’t spend any money on me or us.”
STOP! LISTEN TO WHAT IS HAPPENING!
The thoughts that you’re thinking about yourself were planted by the narcissist.
The way they act around you, the things they say to you, the way they treat you; it’s all meant for you to believe.
The moment you defy those thoughts and swing the narrative to the actual truth, that you’re brilliant, the less power they have.
#4 To look like the one in charge
Money is seen as a form of power to the narcissist. The more they have, the more authoritative they feel.
I know, it’s pretty ridiculous, but that’s just how it goes. They love to know that you’re below them, even financially.
If they’re holding back on spending on you, they still get to pull those purse strings, quite literally!
And yeah, because of that, you miss out. You are left feeling like you’re at the bottom of the league while they shine on top.
And it isn’t fair.
#5 Generosity is conditional
And there are many conditions, aren’t they? I worked with somebody once whose narcissistic father never gave a penny away and treated the family like they were the sole reason he hadn’t retired yet.
I still need to fund the family who refuse to fund themselves!
I have to work hard, I’ve got a wife and three kids sitting at home eating Cheerios!
Yet, some days, her father would knock on her bedroom door. “I hear you’re heading to the city with Mom. Here, take this and treat yourself.”
He’d hand her a $50 bill. She would look at it with wide eyes. What was this?
Her father would be in the best mood handing money out, but by the time she got home with a few books she got herself, or a new outfit, her father would be a different man.
“Nice to see you were spending my money while I was out working hard to earn it back.”
There’s absolutely no right way to respond to that, is there? Generosity is conditional where they’re concerned.
If the mood fits, great. If you do well in something, have this as a congratulations. If you do as I say, have even more.
But that’s not how money should be shared, because if it is, that’s exactly how money starts to be feared.
#6 Their money isn’t the prize – they are
You’d never be able to afford that if it weren’t for me!
The prize isn’t and shouldn’t be the narcissist. And I’m sure you don’t even go around asking for money in the first instance, but here they are taking credit for their so-called generosity anyway.
It’s a strange place to find yourself because you want to be grateful, and you are.
But the guilt of taking the money overrides everything, so it makes the rest worthless.
There should be no prizes for being offered money by the narcissist, or being treated. If it’s their choice, that’s where it should end.
I don’t know who needs to hear it, but a person should never be seen as a prize.
This is where you really need to unpick how they treat you because if they’re acting this way, then already you should be seeing red flags waving frantically around you.
#7 To punish you
What did you do rong? Look, it doesn’t matter. And what is wrong, anyway? Are they some kind of domestic police officer?
Who’s to say they get to decide what’s right and wrong, especially as they’re so bad at doing so! If they were that good, they’d see themselves at fault every single day!
I digress. Man, these narcissists rile me.
Cutting you off financially because they feel it’s an adequate punishment is all kinds of wrong, and you know it.
Only you’re probably being dragged into some kind of situation where you truly do believe you’ve done something wrong, and so you see the lack of pennies being seen by you as a good thing; a form of punishment.
But it’s not, is it? It’s unfair and unkind, and the narcissist is only doing it to assert their own power over you yet again.
They really do try everything they can to make you feel less than in every way.
Don’t make them mistake of believing that you are not worth any money just because t hat’s the twisted narrative they’re trying to pin on you.
They’re wrong. THEY ALWAYS ARE!
