Have any of you ever experienced narcissist deflection before? Well, you’re about to get fully acquainted with it, as we look at reasons why narcissists blame you for everything.
Let’s get one thing clear, not everything is your fault. In fact, I will challenge you to notice if anything at all is your fault.
The narcissist will have you thinking otherwise though, and these 7 reasons will explain exactly why.
#1 They want to avoid accountability
Who’s to blame?
It certainly isn’t the narcissist! They don’t want you to get up in their grill about anything they did wrong, so if they can blame you, they will.
You’ve got to remember that the narcissist is trying to set the perfect image of themselves, and they will do that with or without your help.
If they can come across as perfect, it will make everybody like them, trust them, rely on them, and turn to them when they need somebody.
This is one of the best feelings for a narcissist, because being needed gives them the impression that they have a skill or some knowledge to offer up.
Avoiding accountability means they’re avoiding taking the hit for something they definitely did, which is so frustrating for you, on the receiving end.
#2 They keep control of their narrative
They have a plan, and they want to stick to it. Narcissists don’t need you climbing in the way of their narrative, trying to shift or change it.
If you’re able to successfully do that, you’re able to take control from them and have it all to yourself.
This will not do!
Their narrative is always going to be one that paints them in the best light possible, and you’re about to take that away from them if you think you’re blaming them.
And I get it; they did something wrong! I hear you. They don’t see that as a problem though, they just see you as a problem.
#3 To make you doubt yourself
If there’s a blame, there’s a way for you to think, “Could this be true?”
It’s a pretty hideous reason to shift blame, but it’s what narcissists are best at.
If you hear something often enough, the fact is, you are far more likely to start believing it, and this is a great example of that.
Doubting yourself does a few things.
It puts the narcissist in the driver’s seat. What they say, goes. They’re in control of the narrative, and you fall for it hook, line and sinker.
It also makes you believe that you’re the person they’re accusing you of being.
You’re too this, you’re too that, you always point the finger. Don’t you remember being the one at fault?
As their firing line of defence hits you, you will back down and shake your head. You had no idea you caused so much hassle. And then…
…In comes the apologies. You promise to behave better.
You believe what you’re being told for no other reason than how persuasive the argument from the narcissist is.
#4 You question if you’re the problem
All roads lead to this one when you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, don’t they?
In this instance, you will reflect on all the arguments, disagreements, the times you annoy them, cause them to snap, go silent, or criticize you.
Something will switch on in your mind, and it will be the big question of:
Am I the problem here? Before this relationship, I was happy, and I’d guess they were, too.
And now, it’s like everything is falling apart. I feel as though I’m to blame for all of this, and I think the evidence speaks for itself.
There’s no evidence, other than the lies the narcissist is telling you. When they blame you, it’s because you’re there.
You’re the scapegoat. You’re the easy target because you’ll cower and look wide-eyed and say how sorry you are.
That’s why the narcissist was attracted to you in the first place, because you’d rather admit you did something that you didn’t do to people-please rather than defend yourself.
The truth stands, but you hide it with your nods of agreement, because you want a peaceful life.
It’s better for you to admit that you’re the problem, rather than have an honest talk with yourself about the kind of person you’re dealing with.
#5 To keep you defensive so you don’t focus on their behavior
The more you defend yourself and focus on proving your innocence, the less time and attention you’re giving to the narcissist who you’re not focusing on.
Did you ever think that the reason you’re thrown into the ring of blame is just to get you to ignore everything they’re doing behind the scenes?
Their behavior is terrible, yet you are avoiding even noticing because you’re too busy with phrases like this:
- I didn’t do it!
- I would never!
- I have told you so many times…
- I really think this is unfair!
- How would I have managed that?!
- I love you, why would I risk that?
- I wasn’t even there, I was at work.
- Please listen to me.
- I’m telling the truth.
- I beg you…
Stop pleading, stop begging, and stop justifying yourself. You’re falling into the trap they’ve set up for you, and it shows.
I, I, I.
What about flip reversing all of that and saying, “Hold on. You were the one who…”
Hold them accountable for the behavior they’re trying to swerve by forcing you to accept the blame.
It’s time the narcissist knows you mean business!
#6 Because they’re insecure
Deep down, we’re all looking at insecure narcissists who want to try to make everybody else feel as crap as they feel.
And it works. You know, they find their next victim and tear their confidence and identity down like they were pouring hot water all over an ice sculpture.
As you wilt away, they start to see you feeling as insecure and low as they feel deep down, and it gives them a kick.
You can’t force a person who loathes themselves so much to start liking themselves.
That’s work they can only do for themselves. Their insecurities do not need to become your problem, though, so make sure you are aware that this is one huge reason why they will hold the blame on you.
#7 To maintain their image
Where there’s blame, there’s fault. Don’t be the kind of person who takes it all on as it weighs pretty heavily.
Narcissists pass the blame to you in this way because they have this image they want to maintain.
If they are at fault, people won’t see them as the perfect person they’re selling to the world.
So you become the one who takes it all, and that’s just not right, nor is it fair.
They don’t care about you and your image, as long as they stay out of trouble, all will be well.
We all know the image isn’t real. We know the person behind the mask. We know what they’re doing and we say no more!
You’re innocent!
