If honesty is top of your list of values – congratulations – you are officially more emotionally healthy than a narcissist.
Honesty is an integral part of clear communication and respect for others. Without it, I’d personally be lost.
So when you find somebody you love and want to spend your time with, you naturally want that level of honesty, right?
I hate to break it to you, but narcissists are liars.
They don’t just lie every now and then – they lie all the time.
I’ll delve into what about, right after I tell you why.
We All Want Honesty
Don’t we just?! I mean, for me personally, honesty is where everything healthy grows, and where everything unhealthy just crumbles to nothing.
Honesty is the glue to every meaningful connection, and without it, you’re going to have a really tough time understanding or even truly knowing anybody at all.
Narcissists Don’t Know The Meaning of the Word
I don’t want to add to your pain or suffering, but it’s always been my job to tell it how it is.
Narcissists don’t know what honesty means. They don’t value how somebody can be quite so positively responsive to respectful acts or gestures. And being honest is one of those.
Wherever the other person is coming from, they’re coming from another place entirely. A palace where being honest is the foundation of all surviving and successful partnerships.
Narcissists don’t want a union where both people are happy. They want the strings to pull in order to be and remain in charge.
Nothing else matters.
Things Narcissists Always Lie About
So – if you need proof that narcissists lie, I want you to work through this list and see what applies to you. In small, yet hurtful ways, they will refuse you the honesty you truly deserve.
Just because they can.
The Promises They Make
Otherwise known as future faking, narcissists aren’t shy about filling you with empty promises with the intention of never following through with any of them.
If it’s worth anything to you, it’s not that you aren’t worth having all the things they promise you.
The reason they future fake and lie to you, is to keep you hanging on. They will then be able to misbehave and treat you how they want – because you are still waiting for the good to come.
The good never comes.
“I Love You!”
There isn’t a single narcissist on the planet who truly and authentically knows how to love another person. They don’t even love themselves – how will they love another?
Narcissists can physically say they love you. These are appeasing words – you want to hear it – they will say it.
What does that do to you?
It teaches you over time that their treatment of you is the love they say they have for you.
So not only do you see love as punishment and abuse and silence and criticism and jealousy – you see that as all you’re worth.
The love of a narcissist is a big lie. Those words are sent to keep you locked into the game they’ve set up.
“It Wasn’t My Fault”
You can take the blame out of the equation and still see the narcissist at fault for something they’ve clearly done (or not done!).
Whatever they do wrong will be swept firmly under the carpet, and you will have to just walk over the bumps and pretend they don’t exist.
Pointing the finger of blame to the narcissist also has its faults for you, too. Narcissists have a great habit of projecting any blame back onto the person accusing.
If that’s you, be prepared to be called a liar yourself. Be prepared for rae and accusations to divert any attention or wrongdoing away from them.
I can’t stress enough how all narcissists have mastered this act of abuse. I will even extend it and call it gaslighting – because your reality is being completely shifted due to their cover up.
“Where Have You Been?”
Try asking any narcissist late home or meeting you where they’ve been.
All you’ll get is a look that denotes their self-importance.
How dare you even question me? You’re lucky I’m here at all!
Who do you think you’re speaking to?!
They might, at that point, throw excuses your way.
Traffic was bad.
Work ran late.
Things happen.
I’m here now.
It goes on and on, but in truth, you will never really know where they were or why they were so late.
Flirting/Cheating
Downplaying every act of disloyalty, narcissists will ensure you never fully know the depths of their cheating flirting. If you do get rousing suspicions, they’re going to be put out by the narcissist in an instant.
Sometimes by blaming you.
Oh, and you’re perfect are you? I’ve seen you when we’re out, fluttering your eyelashes at anybody who walks by!
Sometimes by making you feel guilty.
Do you know how hurtful it is to be accused of cheating? I work really hard to keep this house over our heads, and that’s how you thank me!
Sometimes they outright laugh.
You’re joking, aren’t you? Honestly, you have such a vivid imagination. I always said you should be a writer or something!
“You Are Such a Disappointment!”
This might not be what you consider a lie at the time. You’ll note phrases like this to reflect on you, and that’s how it will sit within you.
If you think about it further, it’s a lie. It might be difficult for you to realize that because you’ll be conditioned to believe it’s true and that you are a letdown.
But it’s a lie.
It’s a lie designed to make you feel less good about yourself and the good person you are.
And if you believe it, then the narcissist wins.
You’re not a disappointment. You’re just under the spell of somebody so toxic that they can’t even allow you to be yourself.
“I Promise I’ll Change”
Wrong!
They will never change. People like that stay the way they are because any change involves accountability and self-reflection…
…Two things a narcissist will never have.
Change only comes when you decide that enough is enough.
“Sorry…”
As nice as an apology might sound, narcissists aren’t sorry.
If they say it, they want you to forgive and forget quickly. They want you to see that they care so they can get away with the next terrible thing they have up their sleeve.
Sorry becomes a word spoken without light or honesty, and that only ends up making the person receiving it feel even worse.
