If honesty is top of your list of values – congratulations – you are officially more emotionally healthy than a narcissist.

Honesty is an integral part of clear communication and respect for others. Without it, I’d personally be lost.

So when you find somebody you love and want to spend your time with, you naturally want that level of honesty, right?

I hate to break it to you, but narcissists are liars.

They don’t just lie every now and then – they lie all the time.

I’ll delve into what about, right after I tell you why. 

We All Want Honesty

Don’t we just?! I mean, for me personally, honesty is where everything healthy grows, and where everything unhealthy just crumbles to nothing. 

Honesty is the glue to every meaningful connection, and without it, you’re going to have a really tough time understanding or even truly knowing anybody at all. 

Narcissists Don’t Know The Meaning of the Word

I don’t want to add to your pain or suffering, but it’s always been my job to tell it how it is. 

Narcissists don’t know what honesty means. They don’t value how somebody can be quite so positively responsive to respectful acts or gestures. And being honest is one of those. 

Wherever the other person is coming from, they’re coming from another place entirely—a palace where honesty is the foundation of all surviving and successful partnerships. 

Narcissists don’t want a union where both people are happy. They want the strings to pull to be and remain in charge.

Nothing else matters. 

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Things Narcissists Always Lie About

So – if you need proof that narcissists lie, I want you to work through this list and see what applies to you.

In small, yet hurtful ways, they will refuse you the honesty you truly deserve.

Just because they can.

The Promises They Make

Otherwise known as future faking, narcissists aren’t shy about filling you with empty promises with the intention of never following through with any of them. 

If it’s worth anything to you, it’s not that you aren’t worth having all the things they promise you.

The reason they future fake and lie to you, is to keep you hanging on. They will then be able to misbehave and treat you how they want – because you are still waiting for  the good to come.

The good never comes. 

“I Love You!”

There isn’t a single narcissist on the planet who truly and authentically knows how to love another person. They don’t even love themselves – how will they love another?

Narcissists can physically say they love you. These are appeasing words – you want to hear it – they will say it. 

What does that do to you?

It teaches you over time that their treatment of you is the love they say they have for you.

So not only do you see love as punishment and abuse and silence and criticism and jealousy – you see that as all you’re worth. 

The love of a narcissist is a big lie. Those words are sent to keep you locked into the game they’ve set up.

“It Wasn’t My Fault”

You can take the blame out of the equation and still see the narcissist at fault for something they’ve clearly done (or not done!). 

Whatever they do wrong will be swept firmly under the carpet, and you will have to just walk over the bumps and pretend they don’t exist. 

Pointing the finger of blame to the narcissist also has its faults for you, too. Narcissists have a great habit of projecting any blame back onto the person accusing. 

If that’s you, be prepared to be called a liar yourself. Be prepared for rae and accusations to divert any attention or wrongdoing away from them.

I can’t stress enough how all narcissists have mastered this act of abuse. I will even extend it and call it gaslighting – because your reality is being completely shifted due to their cover up.

“Where Have You Been?”

Try asking any narcissist late home or meeting you where they’ve been. 

All you’ll get is a look that denotes their self-importance. 

How dare you even question me? You’re lucky I’m here at all!

Who do you think you’re speaking to?!

They might, at that point, throw excuses your way.

Traffic was bad.

Work ran late.

Things happen.

I’m here now.

It goes on and on, but in truth, you will never really know where they were or why they were so late. 

Flirting/Cheating

Downplaying every act of disloyalty, narcissists will ensure you never fully know the depths of their cheating flirting. If you do get rousing suspicions, they’re going to be put out by the narcissist in an instant.

Sometimes by blaming you. 

Oh, and you’re perfect are you? I’ve seen you when we’re out, fluttering your eyelashes at anybody who walks by!

Sometimes by making you feel guilty.

Do you know how hurtful it is to be accused of cheating? I work really hard to keep this house over our heads, and that’s how you thank me!

Sometimes they outright laugh.

You’re joking, aren’t you? Honestly, you have such a vivid imagination. I always said you should be a writer or something!

“You Are Such a Disappointment!”

This might not be what you consider a lie at the time. You’ll note phrases like this to reflect on you, and that’s how it will sit within you. 

If you think about it further, it’s a lie. It might be difficult for you to realize that because you’ll be conditioned to believe it’s true and that you are a letdown.

But it’s a lie.

It’s a lie designed to make you feel less good about yourself and the good person you are.

And if you believe it, then the narcissist wins.

You’re not a disappointment. You’re just under the spell of somebody so toxic that they can’t even allow you to be yourself. 

“I Promise I’ll Change”

Wrong!

They will never change. People like that stay the way they are because any change involves accountability and self-reflection…

…Two things a narcissist will never have.

Change only comes when you decide that enough is enough. 

“Sorry…”

As nice as an apology might sound, narcissists aren’t sorry.

If they say it, they want you to forgive and forget quickly. They want you to see that they care so they can get away with the next terrible thing they have up their sleeve. 

Sorry becomes a word spoken without light or honesty, and that only ends up making the person receiving it feel even worse. 

10 Things Narcissism is, and What it’s Not!

Don’t you just love the phrase, ‘It is what it is’ ?

It covers almost every eventuality and allows people to just say, “There’s nothing you can do about it.”

There’s nothing you can do about narcissism, either.

A person is narcissistic or not, and sometimes, that can get a little muddled.

Today, I want to talk about that very thing…

What narcissism is, and what it most definitely is not.

What is Narcissism?

Often, it’s a word thrown around to anybody who annoys another person.

Oh, they’re such a narcissist!

Have you seen them on their latest vacation? What a narcissist!

Another selfie! What a narcissist!

Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat. 

True narcissism is more than a selfie or a vacation somebody you know is on.

It’s deep, and it ruins lives. 

That’s not an example of drama – this is the truth.

Narcissists ruin lives wherever they go. They tear families apart, ruin friendships, bring the conflict to work with them – and the fallout can be huge. 

Narcissists are assholes, but also – assholes are assholes, too.

Sometimes, we need to take a step back and see the difference between somebody hellbent on sending you to therapy and somebody who is just a miserable person. 

#1 Don’t Get Confidence Twisted

We all want to be more confident. 

We all love to see confidence in others. 

Let’s look briefly at what’s real, and what’s fake about confidence. 

Real vs. Fake

Real confidence is always perfectly described in a story about a guy I went to university with. In a lecture one day, the tutor talked about some heavy stuff, and I could see the puzzled looks of my fellow students.

This guy, I’ll call him Jake, raised his hand and said, in front of nearly 100 other people:

I’m really sorry, but I have no idea what you’re talking about. Can you please explain it another way?

This is a level of confidence like no other. The fact that somebody was confident enough to admit without care that he needed a topic or concept reworded to help him was totally cool, and affected nobody. He was that sure of himself.

Fake confidence describes the type of confidence every narcissist has.

They want you to believe it’s real, but it’s shrouded in the reality that they’re deeply insecure, out to hurt you, and refuse to show anybody how much they hate themselves. 

#2 Anger – When Healthy and Unhealthy Get Clouded

We all get annoyed, let’s not pretend any different. 

When we get annoyed, we often take it out on the people we love, and we can snap.

But what’s important is that we say sorry and admit we made a mistake. We work on it, lessen our workload, and take some time out. 

Narcissists can’t regulate their emotions in the same way, and will never admit to being wrong. Instead, they keep the volume up, and their anger has no time for rest. 

#3 It’s Okay To Put Yourself First

Putting yourself first doesn’t mean that you’re a narcissist. It’s important to put your needs first when you need to, and think about your goals or dreams. You can’t pour from an empty cup, after all.

Narcissists never put anybody’s needs above their own.

They don’t know when to give somebody else center stage. Instead, they remain on it themselves, and to hell with everybody else. 

Know the difference between tending to your needs, and cutting everybody else off who may need your help.

#4 Appearance Isn’t Always About Narcissism

Hey, you can look after your appearance and look fantastic without being a narcissist. We need to do this now more than ever! We matter!

But a nice appearance shouldn’t be synonymous with a narcissistic character. 

#5 Ambition is Healthy! Too Much, Watch Out

Those goals you want and have should be worked toward, and nobody should stop you from aiming for them.

If you know you deserve it, then the sky is your limit. This is all about self-belief, resilience and confidence.

Too much of all those things ill point to narcissism, and if you are willing to trample over every good relationship you have in your life to get what you want, then it’s time to re-evaluate how much narcissism runs through your veins. 

#6 Charisma is Charming – Charm? Not So Much

It’s nice to be charismatic! Friendly, chatty, helpful, and trustworthy are fundamental traits in a good person, but let’s make no mistake about them.

Charm is not the same as charisma. It is real, and charm is just an attempt to make people believe you’re the type of person that you are, in fact, not. 

Narcissists exude charm, but it is very hollow, superficial, and cannot be sustained. 

#7 “I Love Myself”

Self-love is a half-trillion-dollar empire now, and there is an emphasis on loving who you are, faults and all.

Narcissists take self-love to another level. Number one, it’s not even genuine, because they actually hate themselves deep down.

Number two, they make up for fact number one so much that they try to overcompensate for it. 

Hideous? Yes.

But there’s nothing wrong with genuinely loving yourself.

#8 Cheating?…

Cheaters cheat, but not all cheaters are narcissists.

You hear a lot that narcissists will nearly always cheat because they can’t not get as much supply as humanly possible. 

Sometimes, cheating occurs, and the person will be highly remorseful.

Therapy occurs, reflection is possible, and you can work through it together.

It doesn’t happen with narcissists. They will cheat and cheat, anc throw your pain under the bus. 

#9 “Me, Me, Me”

People get wrapped up in themselves, don’t they? You see it a lot in this world as we have simply become busier than ever. 

Work is demanding, home life never shuts down, and we still have relationships to maintain, whether platonic or romantic. 

If hearing somebody scream from time to time about how their life is more hectic than yours, or how they have needs that are out of this world – the thought should arise that perhaps they’re struggling with juggling so much.

Before you try and tell me that this isn’t the same as the selfishness of narcissism – I am here to agree with you – and that’s my point! Truly, my point is – we all get lost in the matrix. It’s hard.

We say things we don’t mean. We snap, we judge, we complain, we yell; we’re tired. 

The difference between narcissism and non-narcissism is two things:

Remorse and apology. Both need to be sincere, and I truly mean that. 

Both need to be meant.

#10 Gaslighting? Not Always Narcissism

Gaslighting is a term that we all use when we’re describing narcissism, but there is a level of frustration that can accompany phrases like: 

I did not say that!

It might for instance, be a genuine thought from somebody that they forgot they said something. 

Gaslighting is intentional, and the make up and fabrication of lies is sent to destroy victims on the receiving end.