The inevitable as happens: the narcissist has cheated on you. You know because it’s so darn obvious, yet the narcissist will take their lies to their grave if they could, so they will lie and lie their way out of it.
That can sometimes mean you are accused, but it always means you’re treated like you don’t matter.
Is that how you want to live the rest of your life? These 7 lies narcissists tell you when they cheat on you are all about protecting their image, which is exactly why I want to reveal them today.
#1 It Did Not Mean Anything
Thinking it will make a difference to the person who hears it, narcissists will use the lie that it didn’t mean anything in a vain attempt to lessen your pain in some way.
Furthermore, their ego insists that these words will mean their cheating wasn’t the big deal you’re making it out to be.
You’ve every right to make a big deal of it. Relationships are supposed to be monogamous unless – with heavy rules and consent from both parties – you decide to leave them open.
The fact that betrayal can be minimized like this proves all the narcissist is worried about is the threat to their very carefully curated image.
They want you to believe the act was so insignificant, and when you respond emotionally, you’re then seen as unstable and unable to get over it.
Suddenly, the focus you give is to your reaction, and not their wrongdoing.
#2 You Are So Insecure
For somebody so full of themselves, narcissists sure know how to make it all about you, don’t they?
It’s very well thought out, though; as their redirection zooms in on your confidence, rather than their indiscretions.
This causes all conversation about their own behavior to dry up, so they can make the entire problem about how insecure you are.
You’re then forced to defend yourself because you have no other choice. You want to prove that you’re emotionally stable.
All the while you’re talking yourself back up from the ground the narcissist has dumped you on, their actions escape further examination.
It’s another classic case of deflection, while you then become the person in the spotlight who goes from doing nothing wrong and the victim of betrayal, to the one to blame.
#3 You Just Kept Pushing Me
All of these points really grind my garlic, but this one? This one takes the final cake.
The narcissist made a deliberate choice to sneak around behind your back, and now when you finally confront them, they will tell you they did it because of you.
The entire timeline is jiggled so that they can draw in your previous moods and behaviors and use them as reasons why they did what they did.
Last week, you didn’t even want to know me.
Last month you just kept pushing me away.
Suddenly, you’re the failure in the relationship, and that works out perfectly for the narcissist, who then feels they’ve got away with it.
You carry a guilt around with you that they handed you – which was theirs to deal with! Narcissists wouldn’t be seen dead associating themselves with guilt, so they place it in your hands instead.
#4 They Are Just a Friend
That old chestnut.
If you believe that the narcissist was spending all that time with a friend, then I think you need to reconsider what you’re being told vs. what is wrong and right.
A betrayal will be painted as a simple friendship to derail your instincts.
This isn’t just about right now, it’s about all the other times your instincts will rise in the future, and you can fail those, too.
There’s nothing irrational about what you’ve discovered, and you’ve every right to question it and confront the narcissists. They’re not going to like it, but that’s tough.
If you fall for this, you will end up questioning your perception forevermore, and never the narcissist’s. That’s what they want, but this isn’t what you need.
Imagine if you had a ‘friend’ you saw a lot and text, took out for meals and coffee, kissed, were intimate with. It wouldn’t fly with the narcissist, so why should you fall for it?
#5 I Was Going to Eventually Tell You
What kind of lame excuse is that? Also, can we talk about the fact that the narcissist had decided to keep it from you all of this time, and suddenly when you found out, they were going to tell you.
It’s a lie. I can’t stress enough how there was never any intention to talk to you about the cheating.
The narcissist is only saying this because they want to exude at least some honesty on their part, which of course is fabricated just to please you.
The narcissist doesn’t have any integrity, yet they’re trying to convince you that they do, so they do not deserve any credit for coming to you and admitting they just didn’t get to tell you in time.
Cheating is purposeful. It’s an act that, for those who do it, know they’re doing it.
They are in control the whole time, and for them to say they were going to inform you is nothing but a lie for them to wriggle out of looking like the bad guy.
Don’t let them control the narrative this way.
#6 It Is My Mistake for Loving You
You should tolerate it! The narcissist wants you to forgive them, and is disgusted that you can’t manage to.
So when you find out, and tell them you aren’t going to put up with it, they look at you with disgust and say they thought better of you.
I thought you’d be stronger than that.
I thought you were decent enough to stick around and forgive me for this one tiny mistake.
The emotional connection they want you to be desperate to keep suddenly becomes your responsibility to either walk away from and break fully, or stick around and mend.
It isn’t your job to fix what the narcissist broke. Their betrayal happened once, it probably happened before that, and it will definitely happen time and time again if you allow it.
The only mistake in this is the one you make if you forgive them.
#7 You Are Imagining the Whole Thing Again
Why do you keep imagining the narcissist is cheating? Have you got it in for them or something?
I know it’s not all in your head, but the narcissist will claim that you are reading too much into nothing, and try to gaslight you into believing that your wild imagination has run away with you.
You’ve done this before!
I don’t know where you get it from!
I don’t understand how your mind works.
You’re crazy.
You’re none of these things, and you know what you know. Being led to believe that nothing’s going on means you start heavily questioning yourself, and assume that you’re the issue, when in fact, you’re not.
And in all of this? The narcissist gets away with cheating, and carries on regardless!
