Narcissists are renowned for their deep, innate desire to break those they claim to love.
Spiralling away from their fake promises, their intentions are not good, and as a victim, you will end up feeling hurt and betrayed eventually.
From a person you thought was good and kind, to somebody you wish you’d never met, here are 7 hurtful things a narcissist will say to break you.
#1 “Everything that’s happening is your fault”
When you take a step back from this hurtful comment, you should be able to clearly understand that everything can’t be your fault.
You’re not responsible for the outcome of what has happened in the past; it’s impossible when there are two of you in the relationship.
Needless to say, you will probably take that weight on and believe it because the narcissist will have trampled all over your self-esteem and reality just enough to make you that agreeable person they love having around.
You take the blame, you feel the guilt, you walk with the shame.
Narcissists have a great habit of just saying the word and people will fall hook line and sinker for it all, and this is where I ask you to reconsider that approach.
Only then can you save yourself from breaking down even more.
#2 “You’re crazy. You need help”
It’s the worst thing in the world to be accused of being crazy when you’re the only one trying hard to make it work and offering nothing but respect, love and forgiveness.
If a narcissist is calling you crazy, there’s naturally going to be a part of you that self-reflects and looks at all the little ways you act.
You piece together a narrative that’s made up of synthetic scenarios:
- When you get jealous because the narcissist has a new female friend and they tell you it’s innocent.
- When you feel sad that they don’t want to spend much time with you.
- When you have an opinion they don’t agree with.
You’d be right to be concerned if these things are happening, but if you’re being called crazy for normal reactions to abusive things, this is not good.
The breakdown you’re feeling? That’s down to the narcissist wanting to ruin what happiness and joy you feel in order to replace it with a loss of identity and self-worth.
A weak victim is an easily manipulated victim.
#3 “I don’t need you, you need me”
While hurtful to hear, this is also severely untrue. Contrary to their belief, narcissists need you as much as they make you need them.
Without you, there is no supply. Without you, there is no sick satisfaction. Without you, there is nobody to control, and no power to take.
That being sad, it’s never nice to be with somebody who tells you they don’t need you.
To top it all off, they’re telling you that you need them in an attempt to subconsciously make you feel you can’t go it alone.
You absolutely can.
There is no independence when with a narcissist, and as you learn that over time, you believe that this is just you.
You’re not capable of making decisions for yourself, or handling the money, or having a successful job…
… In actual fact, you are.
Don’t believe a word they say. These comments are designed to wear you down and cause you to break.
Don’t.
#4 “Your friends aren’t good enough for you”
This might sound like the narcissist is trying to give you sound advice at the same time as bigging you up to be a great person who deserves the best, but let’s look at what’s really going on.
Bless your friends are awful people to you and make you feel terrible, the chances are the narcissist is using their manipulation tactics to isolate you.
By pretending that you’re too good for them, they are pulling you away from your support system but in a way that’s out of concern for you.
If they can isolate you, they can make you slowly yet surely start to rely more and more on them.
When you get into a fight or the narcissist ultimately upsets you (which they will), you will have nowhere to turn, and nobody to advise you to leave.
You’re stuck.
Just the way the narcissist wants it to be.
There’s no worse way to be worn down.
#5 “I never said that. You’re imagining things”
No narcissist comes without the ability to gaslight their victim. This is part and parcel of knowing one, living with one, and watching them grind you into pieces over time with their incorrect version of what they like to call reality.
The experiences you have, the thoughts you think, your opinions, your hobbies, how you perceive conflict; it’s all valid.
A narcissist will have you believe that what you think and feel is wrong, and they won’t hesitate in letting you know.
Eventually, you’ll see the world through their eyes, which is a really miserable viewpoint.
When you hear them say something that you later hold them to, they will have erased all knowledge of what they said.
It’s all in your imagination, they will say. And you’ll think, My God, I really am going mad.
Right there is where they get you, and break you down even more.
#6 “You’re lucky I even put up with you”
Lucky? Are you lucky to know the narcissist? Are they actually tolerating you as opposed to using and abusing you?
You’ll think so at the time, that’s why you feel so broken by it all.
You’ll feel like you’re in the way; and you’ll apologize for being somebody they have to live with or be with.
But you’re making a mistake if you think this is all down to you. You’re wrong if you honestly think you’re the bad person.
You’re the person with hope; the one who wants to see the good in the narcissist. The one who wants it all to work out.
Being made to feel like you’re tolerated will make you shrink even more.
#7 “You’re overreacting… again”
Overreacting to what? Their lies? Them being late home again? The way they speak to you because they’re ‘tired’ or ‘stressed?’ The way they silently ignore you for hours, or days on end?
There’s no such thing as an overreaction when it comes to feeling wronged by somebody claiming to care about you.
If the narcissist is actively going out of their way to put you in a position where you have no choice but to speak up and try to smooth things over only to be shot down for it, trouble will continue to brew.
This kind of attitude to you will wear you down and make you feel like you’re not allowed to speak up when you feel hurt.
You’ll learn to swallow your pain and get on with it, but that pain won’t go away.
It will sit within you and weigh you down when you’re not made for being so emotionally heavy.
You’ve got every right to speak up in a relatipnship that isn’t making you happy, without feeling like you’re somebody else’s burden.
