Today isn’t about the blender you didn’t want, or the gym membership you’ll never use.
The kinds of gifts I want to talk about are the gifts that keep damaging you after the narcissist is long gone.
These gifts are unpleasant, unwanted, and total garbage, yet you’re forced to have to hold them for as long as it takes for you to start healing.
These 7 garbage gifts you get from narcissists are proof that they were never in it for love.
#1 The Gift of Never Being Able to Trust Your Thoughts
Already you will understand that these gifts are the worst known to man. And we start strong with gaslighting.
There’s no narcissist on the planet that sidesteps the act of gaslighting within their relationships, and this is the gift that keeps on giving, long after they leave.
Your entire relationship with your reality is broken, and that happens by questioning everything, not just one thing.
You think back, reliving memories, and you rewrite them in a way that makes you look bad, or confused.
It happens because you’ve spent not months, but potentially years with somebody whose sole aim was to break you, and reshape your thoughts. You were told your perception is wrong.
When you were happy, you were told you have too much energy. When you were sad, you were told to cheer up because things aren’t that bad.
When you stop trusting what you think, what’s left is what they want you to think.
Living with that is beyond difficult.
#2 The Gift of Experiencing a Trauma Bond Like No Other
It’d be cruel of me to say this was a serious gift, yet it’s one you get from the narcissist anyhow.
Put it this way; not all gifts are wanted! This is proof of that, as you become dangerously familiar with what it’s like to get stuck in a trauma bond.
The highest highs are always accompanied with the lowest lows, almost devastating.
It’s the type of pattern that your nervous system gets completely overwhelmed and dysregulated by, but also hooked on.
You want them to smile and tell you they love you, so you work hard for it. You accept any breadcrumb, because it’s what makes you feel alive.
Intensity isn’t love though. And chaos is far from passion. This doesn’t just resonate with the current relationship you’re healing from or are in, this is your entire life if you don’t realize what’s happening and break free.
Learning that the relationship swept you up because of how the narcissist pulled the strings will help you no end.
#3 The Gift of Feeling Totally Invisible
As you become programmed to monitor every word that comes out of your mouth, or facial expression, you learn to step over their rage.
Sometimes, this rage can be unavoidable, but the main point is that you’ve shrunk yourself just enough to know that you no longer take up the space you once did.
You came into this relationship big, bright and full of joy, and now you are a fraction of the person you used to be.
Even more worryingly, you can’t recall how to take up space, even if you wanted to. Invisibility feels like it suits you because it’s where you’ve been pushed to feel comfortable.
Is this your life from now on?
It doesn’t have to be. You can prove to yourself that narcissists only like small people because they’re easier to control.
#4 The Gift of You Always Being the Bad Guy
It always has to be you, doesn’t it? The bad guy; the one who comes along and ruins everything at the drop of a hat.
You try to address their behavior, and you end up with a finger pointing at you telling you how terrible you are.
You’re poison!
You’re deranged!
You’re toxic!
You’re being childish!
You’re just being petulant!
Big words, right? Doesn’t mean they’re true. Yet a narcissist will gift you with the belief that you caused all of this, and you’ll live with that heavy weight on your shoulders until you unlearn their lies.
You are not unreasonable for asking for respect. You aren’t cruel for implementing boundaries, either.
#5 The Gift of Never Truly Switching Off
Oh boy, things are getting serious here now.
Do you ever wonder where your ability to detect danger has come from, and why it never seems to turn off?
It’s because you have spent your whole life detecting the moods of the narcissist. You’re waiting for their niceness to flip and darken your home. You’re waiting for that smile to fade to a frown.
It’s a switch that never truly goes off, and will always be present, lingering in the background.
You scan each room you’re in, looking for where to avoid, and where to be. You brace for attacks, even when you are in a totally safe place.
You didn’t ask for this gift, and you don’t have to keep this one. If you can recognize that you do this, you can find that switch and start to take back control.
You don’t deserve to always be looking out for the worst case scenario, in fact, there is a lot of beauty to see in this world. You’ve just been manipulated to believe that none of it can exist for you.
#6 The Gift of Anxiety
Sweet Jesus, please no. Nobody needs more anxiety in this world, yet you meet a narcissist, and anxiety becomes your middle name.
What’s the reason for such a thing developing over time?
You learn to be scared of everything. You fear success as much as you fear failure.
You are scared of one day having to cope on your own. You are anxious because they’re on their way home, and it’s Wednesday, and you know Wednesdays are tough for them at work.
You’re anxious because they haven’t spoken to you since they woke up, and it’s almost lunch.
It’s constant. Your air quality depends on their narcissistic pollution. If they’re having a good day, then you will, too.
Life shouldn’t be like this for anybody, and I wish it wasn’t a garbage gift any victim had to receive.
#7 The Gift of Never Experiencing True Love
The most painful for some. Eventually you will get to an age where you reflect on your life and see that you’ve never really loved and been loved in return.
The true love you heard about remains just that; something that happens to other people but not you.
The version you got was cold, cruel and calculated. This wasn’t love, but rather shit rolled in glitter.
Maybe some day you will understand what true love really is, but until then, you have nothing but bad, painful memories of relationships that bounced back and forth between toxic and palatable.
You gave up believing that there were good people out there, and to be honest, they scare you anyway because their emotional health is so unfamiliar to you that it panics you.
So it’s as if you’re stuck, with no way out.
I assure you, there’s always a way to eventually dump these garbage gifts.
