They do it all the time, don’t they?
Somehow, narcissists manage to drive their victims absolutely wild (for all the wrong reasons) in no time at all.
I say ‘somehow’ like I want you all to be surprised by it, but don’t be!
They’re full of nasty surprises, like buying a dodgy used car. You roll it off the forecourt and the lights start flashing.
Well – let this topic be your flashing lights because you need to learn exactly what it is narcissists do that drive you crazy.
#1 Gaslighting You Mid-Conversation
Hold on, I don’t think you’re remembering it the way it actually happened.
You’re getting confused. I didn’t say that.
I think you sound really tired. You need to go to bed and sleep on it.
It’s not right to hear this bullshit, is it? But yet, it can really leave a nasty scar, and one that you will always in some way walk with.
Gaslighting you when you have something to say – perhaps something important – is not fair or right.
But it’s how the narcissist breaks your version of reality and tries to replace it with their own.
And I am sad to say – it works. Until it doesn’t, of course.
#2 Backhanded Compliments That Cut Deep
That was really clever for you!
I have to say I am surprised you got the job based on your skillset, but congratulations.
You smile briefly, and then it disappears because you hear what the narcissist is actually saying to you.
And yeah, they cut so deeply.
Why can’t they just be happy for you? Is it that difficult?
Of course it is! You’re dealing with somebody who hates to see you happy, so they try to bring you down a peg or two each time you’re given the chance to be so.
Eventually, those backhanded compliments will be phrases you dread, so you stop achieving. You stop chasing success, and you just live day to day.
#3 Sudden Coldness After Love-Bombing
Coldness after being shown such love and affection can hurt and confuse victims of narcissistic abuse.
What has changed?
What did I do so wrong that’s made them go so cold?
Why does it have to be this way?
What’s wrong with me?
There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s just how narcissists operate. They never want to be one emotion for too long, because then you won’t be addicted to the drastic changes that occur during these abusive relationships.
It’s not fair to be cold, especially after such an intense period of loving you, and trying to show you how important and amazing you are.
That’s why love-bombing is toxic, and only dished out to make you latch on and be attached to them in ways that make it very difficult to break away.
This is something to be mindful of, as in the long term it will drive you absolutely crazy.
#4 Triangulation
All it takes is a second of the narcissist spotting you getting too close to somebody for them to decide they want to intervene – for all the wrong reasons.
A strong ally is seen as a threat, and so their usual tactic is to come between the both of you and create misery and chaos.
Imagine you and a friend are seeing more of each other. The narcissist doesn’t like your friend, and they think this person is going to influence you away from the narcissist.
What are their options?
They must divide to conquer!
They will start spreading rumors, or telling one or the other person how much the other really doesn’t think of them.
Soon enough, there is a fallout, and you can’t really understand where it came from.
I’m here to tell you that it was the narcissist. It doesn’t take long at all to do, and it will leave you feeling totally crazy.
#5 Interrupting and Talking Over You
Let me get into this one for you, because it’s a really interesting take on frustration.
You are a kind person, right? You’re patient, tolerant, and you like to give people the benefit of the doubt.
I hear you, and I respect that. We should all be like that.
The narcissist is not like that. That’s why they’re attracted to you. They can do whatever they want and know they can pretty much walk all over you.
And so – what a joy you are when you come along and give them automatic permission to say what they want, cut into your conversation, and talk all over you all the time.
That craziness you feel by it is internalized.
It makes your heart pump fast. You feel the blood boil over time, but you’re that good person. So you bite the bullet and let them do it again and again.
Meanwhile, guess what?
The narcissist loves being able to assert their power over you by being the louder voice.
The idea of making you both feel and look small appeals to them – so they continue.
This is all about dynamics and ranks, and you are the one who is always made to fall in line.
Wherever they are, even if it’s just the two of you, they want you to know that whatever they say is more important and of higher value than whatever comes out of your mouth.
Does that not tell you everything you need to know about them as a person?
If it doesn’t, now is the moment it should.
You deserve more than to be driven crazy by the narcissist who evidently has no respect for you, both in and out of conversation.
#6 Using Your Insecurities Like Weapons
Insecurities are no joke, but narcissists make them feel like they are, don’t they? I hate it. I hate how they make the people I talk to feel, and how that in turn affects everything they think, say or do.
Yet here we are.
While my work deals with those who feel like they’ve been driven crazy by the narcissist, it’s also the most unfair and brutal way to acknowledge exactly how destructive they can be.
Think about what you’re insecure about.
The way you look? The way you laugh? What you wear? Your career? Hopes? Dreams?
I could go on and on, couldn’t I?
Narcissists love to get stuck into any aspect of your life, no matter what it is. As long as there are insecurities, the narcissist will find a way to draw them out of you like they’re drawing blood.
So when you say or do something they don’t like, the first thing they do is fire at you a plethora of material they’ve got up their sleeve.
There’s that mood of yours again. You’re so impossible.
Do you honestly think you’re going to get the job looking like that?
Why are you even going for the job? You’re obviously not qualified.
You know, I think the reason you have no friends is because you just can’t be yourself.
When a narcissist is bothered, they will draw on their weapons to protect themselves. Using them this way is unfair, not to mention cruel.
And yes – it really does drive victims crazy.
