When you and the narcissist have broken up, you might find several things start to happen that really disturb you.
You want a peaceful life, and you’ve earned it after all that time with them! Instead, you have to tolerate more and more games that feel like the narcissist will not quit.
What am I talking about? Let’s see if any of these 7 disturbing things only a narcissist can do after a breakup make any sense for you.
#1 Before you even catch your breath, they’ve moved on
It’s like you’ve barely blinked, isn’t it? You think, “How on earth did they do this so quickly?
How have they got to the point where I am just a flicker of their past even though this time last week, we were still together?”
It’s because you were never as special to them as they told you that you were.
It also has a lot to do with already having some kind of back up in place before you split up, so they can step into a new relationship straight away.
This is largely due to the inability narcissists have to actually be alone longer than five minutes. I mean, they have to get their supply from somewhere, right?
And now you have to see them move on, like your relationship never existed in the first place.
I know that’s got to hurt, and you might even feel your blood boiling at the injustice of it all, but remember this:
Your worth is not based on the opinion of any other person, especially a narcissist.
#2 They act like you never mattered
Kind of goes on from the first point, doesn’t it? It all happened so quickly that in fact, it’s like you never mattered all along. You did matter, just not in the way you wanted to.
You were there as a person who provided the narcissist with a healthy dose of supply. You were there to be controlled and manipulated, but that was really it.
So those, “I love you” statements from them were only really spoken to please you in that moment, and nothing more.
If anything, a narcissist telling you that they love you is the adult equivalent of giving a baby a pacifier.
#3 They rewrite the narrative
What really happened will be hidden from the ears and eyes of everybody as much as possible, as the narcissist rewrites the scripts of the past.
It didn’t happen like that.
I’m afraid you’ve only got their version.
Did they not tell you why I acted like that?
You need to know the truth.
I was the one who was abused.
They did all they could to wear me down.
Oh, you can’t bet your bottom dollar that anything will go as long as it paints the narcissist in a good light, and you the bad guy.
Remember, the narrative can be swayed however they see fit, and if that means they continue their quest to lie and lie and lie, then they will.
You’re not dealing with a person who holds a conscience, you’re dealing with somebody who will do whatever it takes to be seen as the victim, and that’s an approach they have personally perfected.
Prepare to be questioned or even ignored by those you thought you could count on.
#4 They seem to linger in the background
No matter what you do or where you go, the narcissist seems to always be there, right?
Have you noticed that? Over your time together, you may have developed mutual friends, or go to similar places.
Even if you don’t, you will somehow manage to see the narcissist, lurking in the shadows.
They text you to ask if they can have that book back.
The call to see how you are.
They remain on your social media accounts and like or react to your posts.
They sit rent-free in the back of your mind, living in your thoughts and all the decisions you make on a daily basis.
They know they’re there, and they love knowing they still are a part of you even though the two of you are not together.
It’s their way of having that control they’ve always been obsessed with having.
And without giving you any kind of a lecture, you’re letting it happen.
I think it’s highly disturbing, and if it were me, I’d be doing all I can to change my routine, and block them from any social media profile that I have.
#5 They parade and show off the new person like a trophy
As far as the narcissist is concerned, it’s entirely on them to show and prove to the world that they’re over you.
They don’t want to be seen as a person who can’t get over you, because it gives the impression that they weren’t wanted, hence the break up.
Not being wanted then paves the way for further questions.
Why did you leave them? What went wrong? Why are they so terrible that you didn’t want to be with them any more?
Being the victim can backfire, so they use the opportunity to move on and be lusted after by somebody new.
This then shows everybody that they’re a great person to share a relationship with, and to start that supply feed and narcissistic cycle of abuse all over again with them.
#6 They reach out just enough to keep you hooked
And you know what? It’s so trapping! There’s a term called breadcrumbing, which essentially means the narcissist is giving you just enough to stay interested, or stay at all.
Little fragments of love or affection come your way and give you the buzz you need to still feel like you might get back together, or that they still love you.
They don’t. They never did. They’re using what they know about you to keep you, and it works.
You never really feel like you’re getting over them, because they never do the honorable thing and let you go.
So you’re trapped in this emotional limbo. You can’t move forward, but you can’t go back to a palace where you felt happy again.
How can anybody heal in this place?
#7 They never really go away
When they leave every single trace of them around you so that you can’t stop thinking about them, that is when things can feel pretty disturbing.
Narcissists purposely do this when you’re together. Every song reminds you of them, every movie has a connection to them, and wherever you go, you’re reminded of a memory (good or bad) that you shared together.
When it feels as though narcissists never really go away, you have to ask yourself what you really want.
This is not the kind of life you deserve to live, and no matter what you tell yourself, you will only be able to heal if you fully step away from your past.
You have the power to make the narcissist go away, but it’s only in how you approach the potential you have for a strong, happy future that will determine whether or not you let them go.
