Like every single person in the narcissist’s life, each serves a purpose. If the narcissist cannot find a purpose for you, they will discard you.
I hate to say it, but even the kids of the narcissists are in for a world of pain, as their narcissistic parents will use them just to look good.
It highlights how devastating it is just to want to be seen by them, when in fact you’re only good for one thing:
Bragging rights.
#1 “Your success… Because it’s my success”
The most obvious I feel has to be mentioned first, and I know it will be familiar to so many of you.
The speed at which you can go from feeling on top of the world, to feeling yet again stuck in the shadow of your narcissistic parent can be unbearable, but there’s how it works:
Well, they were only able to pass because I paid for the test.
They get their talent from me!
The apple never falls far from the tree!
All those nights I spent helping them study, and they’ve passed!
You wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for me!
Looks like your mama/papa raised you right!
What’s that? Did I hear a ‘thank you’ from you?
All of it is totally ridiculous, and I cannot stress that enough. You did well and succeeded because you earned it.
Even when you’re feeling at your happiest, they still manage to make it about them and take away what you’ve achieved.
It totally sucks, but they will use your success in order to big themselves up.
#2 Being the helpful assistant
Were you ever roped into helping your narcissistic parent growing up?
It could be any little thing, from being their yard assistant while they worked, to heading into work with them for the day, to even learning how to go to the store and pick up shopping or run errands from an early age.
This is not designed to make you independent and gather tools for yourself, this is so your narcissistic parent can show off to either people they know, or even perfect strangers.
Wow, you must have taught them well!
Look at them, you’re doing such a good job raising them!
You must be so proud!
And the parent of the year award goes to…
And even your parent might chime in:
Well, they get it from me, you see.
Teach them young and they will have everything they need.
It’s all part of being a good parent.
More parents need to be doing this, but sadly they don’t take the time.
Any comment designed to bring compliments rolling in will do it.
And you were the lackey assistant who was put there especially for it all to happen that way.
#3 Following in the family business
Oh wow, you have the courage to follow in their huge, egotistical footsteps. First, I take my hat off to you.
These are big shoes to fill, but unless you really love whatever the business is, it’s likely you were programmed from an early age to join ranks and know your place.
Someday, this will all be yours.
Doesn’t that sound… thrilling….?
The family business was carved out and successful because of your narcissistic parent.
And now you have to continue it as if your life depended on it.
No pressure, but I’m pretty sure you’re not going to do it right, and your narcissistic parent will be hovering over you like a helicopter still controlling every aspect of it.
But to the outside world, they will tell people how proud they are of you, forcing how successful they’ve been down people’s throats.
#4 Winning, quite literally
I once knew a man who loved going to quiz night so much that he ended up joining a team where it started to get really competitive.
He didn’t like this, so he enlisted the help of his daughter every Tuesday night.
He would take her to the pub and get her to join the team because her knowledge of music was out of this world.
He would brag to the team that she took after him, but the second she got an answer wrong, he would go silent on her and her alone, and sigh or tut.
She was only good for something all the while she was good at it.
It strikes me as so narcissistic that it was never about having fun, but only about winning.
If she got them first spot that week, she would be trophied. If she failed, he would spend the drive home telling her things like, “I thought you were hot on your 90s music? How did you not know that intro on round 5?”
And this is narcissistic parents in a nutshell. If you can make them look good by winning, they will continue to use you.
The moment you slip up, you will experience the narcissistic rage and criticism that even kids of narcissists can’t escape.
And you know, this goes for anything worth winning to them, too. If they can use you, they will.
#5 Bragging about milestones
I spend so much time working on their potty training, and look at them!
I am not surprised they can talk. I’ve been reading to them since they were the size of a peanut.
Can your kid walk yet? Mine got up and took his first steps when he was 9 months!
Yeah, I guess because I’m so good at math it’s become their greatest strength, too. They aced that test.
It can go on and on, and it will if they get the chance to allow it.
Milestones are different for everybody, and you can’t compare kids. We’re all on different rides here, and kids will do things when they want to, and when they’re ready.
When you hear a parent brag about their kid walking early, it makes you wonder what they’re trying to overcompensate for. I mean, good for you, right?
I find it sad that this is a thing, but sadly, you will find there to be a lot of parents out there who will say such amazing things about their kids when all it looks to be is an excuse for them to show off and look good.
#6 Blaming the kid for any no-contact
I know this one seems a little left field, but hear me out.
When a child goes no contact, there’s usually a pretty good reason.
If your narcissistic parent is using your no-contact to look good, it will often present like this:
You know, I did everything I could for them.
Ever since they moved out of town and met that person, they’ve gone distant.
I did so much for them, I even gave them my savings to help set them up.
They want to look good in a situation that otherwise paints them badly, so it looks like you going no-contact is down to nothing but your own petulance.
I know you know the truth, and I think I do too, because I understand it’s not an easy choice to make.
But blaming you by reiterating lies to people will ensure they are given the best opportunity to look good.
