I want to see you all healing from narcissism. I truly mean that. Any narcissist who comes into your life and completely throws it upside down deserves to be gone.
And you deserve to move on, and live the life you have every right to.
Sometimes, to get to that place, you need to uncover some truths about narcissists.
About what happened to you.
About who they really are.
As painful as it can be, the truth will set you free; I firmly believe in that.
So now I ask you:
Do you want to be set free?
Narcissists – Why Relationships Are Important to Them
All relationships with narcissists are designed only to serve the narcissist positively. Each one, be it platonic, professional, or personal has one main objective:
To confuse you, while maintaining crucial supply the narcissist needs.
Relationships are important to the narcissist, because each one offers them a slightly different type of supply. Some people are good for complimenting them, others are financially handy to have around. Others might be down to their skillset, and others are to make them look better.
For the narcissist, relationships fill gaps the narcissist themselves are unable to fill. They cannot survive alone, and need constant admiration and attention from as many people as they can.
Life cannot be boring.
Who suffers?
You.
Healing from that takes time, and it hurts. It hurts even when you are healing, because the pain of separating yourself from a narcissist is incredibly complex.
Can You Heal? Yes You Can!
Let me get one thing clear:
Healing is possible for everybody.
I wouldn’t make that promise if it weren’t true. Every single person who is involved in some way with narcissistic abuse has the ability and tools to heal.
Finding those tools and realizing your abilities is quite another thing – and that’s where people can slip up.
It’s the impression that you can’t heal, because you’ve been made to believe that you can’t.
What stops many survivors of narcissistic abuse is the assumption that they can’t live without the narcissist. The cycle of abuse kept them on high alert, and now they don’t know what to do without it.
You’re waiting for it to come back around again, but you can reject it and fully move on.
6 Truths That Help You Heal From a Narcissist
#1 They Are Incapable of Making Love/Heart Connections
What you want is to be loved. Love is impossible with any narcissist. They can’t love, so any love you feel you have had in the past is only manipulation and control.
It wasn’t real, and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can understand how you can instead start to love yourself.
#2 You Aren’t The Cause of Their Problems
You were never the cause of their problems, no matter how often they told or implied that you were.
It’s easy for the narcissist to blame you, because then it lets them off the hook.
They don’t want you to walk away without accusing you of your part in all of this, and because your heart is good, you will feel the guilt and shame that the relationship didn’t work.
I have to remind you constantly that none of this was your fault—not because you don’t listen, but because it needs to be some kind of affirmation to you.
The narcissist is responsible for every bad mood they project, for every sly tactic, and for every time they pit one person against another.
None of it is you.
#3 The Narcissist is a Runner – Zero Responsibility
Narcissists never stick around when the going gets tough. They won’t have your back, and will refuse to defend you if it means they themselves will be questioned as a result.
Narcissists love drama but hate confrontation.
They will not be responsible for anything that goes wrong, and that blame will be put onto you. If you want to talk about anything that happened that hurt your feelings, they will dismiss it and say things like:
It’s all about the future.
Let’s not live in the past.
What’s done, is done.
Moving on is the only way we can last.
There’s no point going over the past, we can’t change it.
What they do here is sweep everything that matters to you under the carpet, to avoid those deep conversations they fear extremely. They don’t want to get close to you, because knowing what’s important to you, and adhering to those values takes away their power.
Ask yourself, even if you truly think you love that person:
Is that how you want to live?
The answer will be no, but the love you feel will blindside you until you make those big sacrifices that cause you to lose yourself.
That’s not love.
You deserve better.
#4 Despite Your Pain – You Are Not Toxic
Pain accompanies leaving a narcissist, and at times it can feel like you brought it on yourself. You’ve been used to hearing how you are the problem, and how everything that happened was your fault.
You believe them.
Maybe it’s all been you after all.
In truth, the narcissist came along and took your best qualities, destroying them purposely. They saw what you had, and wanted it for themselves.
The pain you feel is how you know you need to heal.
The pain is the catalyst. It’s not a consequence of a toxic ‘you.’
#5 Over Time, You Get to Redefine Yourself
Turning the attention away from the narcissist from a moment and onto you, this is about your identity.
Being with a narcissist, no matter how amazing it may have felt at times, will have eroded you. The things you liked will have been criticized. The clothes you enjoy wearing will have been tossed into the trash. The people you love, the job you had – everything.
And now?
Now you get to retrieve them all, and change them if you want to.
If the narcissist always loved you with long hair and never allowed you to cut it, you might want that sleek bob.
How you heal, is how you choose yourself.
#6 It Was Attachment, Not Love
And there is a difference here.
Attachment is that feeling of dependence.
I cannot do anything without them.
I can’t survive without them.
Well, you can, because you survived all those years before you met them, without them.
The feeling of attachment comes from the narcissist making you out to not be able to survive without them. That was designed to make you stay, and have you never leave.
Knowing that it was never real love, can spur you on to heal and eventually find that in somebody else.
Somebody emotionally and mentally healthy.
