So, your narcissist relationship has ended.
Three cheers for you!
Hip hip – hooray!
Now what?
Well, now it’s officially over, there are some things that need to be done.
These things are all for your best interests – and as much as they might make you feel uncomfortable – they’re necessary.
Your wellbeing is necessary, and your future depends on how you act right now.
Getting started, starts today.
Narcissistic Relationships: They’re A Lot
I know that leaving any relationship is hard. When something you’ve invested in for months, years, or even decades comes to a close, you’ll find adjusting to life without it really tricky.
Who you are has never stopped mattering. The person you want to be can still exist, and coming out of something so abusive can give you the refreshing opportunity to discover the power within.
Narcissistic relationships are a lot to handle.
Time heals, I can promise you that.
Losing Yourself… And Then it Ends
In narcissistic relationships, it has become standard for the victim to completely lose themselves. The way the narcissist erodes every single part of their identity, their confidence, and their entire process of wellbeing is the most destructive aspect.
Coming to terms with losing yourself like this can be tough when it’s already taking you every ounce of strength just to get through each day.
Your hope for this relationship has gone. You now know that all the promises you made are never going to come true. You think you are going to be okay, but your lack of confidence pulls you back and reminds you that you can’t do this alone.
But you can.
That hope for your relationship may have gone, but that needs to be how you view a blessing in disguise.
The relationship you wanted will never be, because it was a dream you had.
The reality is – the narcissist will never fit that mold you made.
The Chaos Calms – and It’s Unnerving
A common worry for people I meet with who have just left a narcissistic relationship is that they just can’t get used to the lack of chaos..
They saw their entire relationship as one huge rollercoaster ride. The ups, the downs, the dips, the anticipation – it was all there.
And boy, were those highs high. They made up for how low the bad times could get – but that’s the whole cycle of abuse as proof in action. No single relationship should be that unstable. The way you constantly have to swim against the tide just to get by?
That’s not right.
And most people when they leave that kind of situation literally don’t know what to do with themselves.
They grow used to the chaos. The drama becomes a part of their lives. They live for the next high because they need it as much as the narcissist.
Yes – the quieter life can appear unnerving at first.
Nobody is shouting. The eggshells have gone. You don’t have to worry about what mood they will come home in. You haven’t got to listen to the criticism, or worry that you will say or do another thing wrong ever again.
So – what now?
6 Things You Need To Do After a Narcissistic Relationship
These 6 things are so important for you when it comes to your healing journey. Each one holds an important message – that you are in control.
#1 Go No Contact!
The highest form of self-care post narcissistic relationship.
There’s no doubt in my mind that the best and first thing you must do – is to go no contact.
I don’t just mean to speak to them less, or delete their number (although those things are strongly recommended). I mean you cut them out.
You block all forms of communication they strive to use to contact you. You refuse to engage with them online and through social media. Strengthen your profiles so only friends can see your updates.
Don’t contact them for anything, even when you miss them and are interested to see how they’re doing.
Why? Don’t do it! Think about everything they caused you and what they did to your spirit.
This is non-negotiable. No contact is the best for long-term healing.
#2 Educate Yourself: Knowledge is Power
Knowing what narcissistic abuse really is and how deeply it can cut is the only way you can understand what happened to you and why.
Knowing the narcissist did what they did to you because of them and not you is also something I strongly ask you to think about. So often I hear things like, “What did I do wrong”, “What could I have done better?”
No.
This isn’t a you problem.
This is all them.
#3 Self-Care is a Must!
Self-care in the most obvious form is still something you should be doing, even throughout a relationship – but especially after abusive relationships.
Remember who you are and what your body and mind need. Get plenty of sleep. Eat well. Find a form of exercise that suits you to practice every day, even just for ten minutes. Find yourself in nature. See friends. Take those daily showers and keep yourself feeling fresh.
It all matters, because you matter.
#4 Set Up and Stick To Your Boundaries
I know it can be hard to find the strength right as you’re exiting a narcissistic relationship – but you definitely need to think about what you value and what you simply will not compromise on. This can include how you’re treated and what you will tolerate.
#5 Ruminate in a Certain Time
It’s natural to ruminate when there’s so much change occurring.
What could you have done differently/
Why did it happen the way it did?
What will you do now?
How are you going to move on?
Why did they treat you that way?
Who even are you?
Give yourself time to think what you need to think. You’re processing so much.
But…
Then grace yourself with some mental freedom. This is all about balance, and yes, you can think about it all. You need time to self-reflect.
But then – remember to live.
#6 Grieve – and Allow It
What people tend to forget is that the end of a relationship spells time needed to grieve. Of course you’re going to think about all the promises that were made, and the future you know you’re not going to have with the narcissist.
This is all down to the attachment they created with you. Exactly how much time they gave to making sure you thought they were the only one for you.
The truth?
You can live without them – but you need to firstly grieve the person you always wanted them to be.
The person they will never be able to be for you or anybody else for that matter.
