The time has come where you no longer love the narcissist. First off, a huge win for you that we need to acknowledge!
Secondly, you’re starting to see things, am I right? You’re discovering all the truths that are rising to the surface after all this time.
It’s taken you not loving them anymore to see what’s always been there.
Here are the 6 things that I am referring to.
#1 What an emotional zombie they were
Walking toward you, grabbing you, and sucking the life out of you.
Sounds about right, doesn’t it? In this respect, narcissists wouldn’t look out of place walking the streets on Halloween with a great big trick or treat bag.
The only way you can see this in full is if you take enough space away from them to notice the finer detail. Stopping loving them will do it!
They used you for their own gain, they saw your light and they maintained the desire to bleed it out of you, leaving you a hollow shell of the person you used to be.
And it’s no joke. You feel totally depleted. You have no energy, and each day you wake up barely able to function.
You wonder what happened to you, until the moment you stop loving them and start loving yourself.
That’s when you see the damage they did, and that’s when you make a promise to reverse it through healing.
#2 You aren’t crazy. It was the narcissist who made you feel like this
All this time you thought there was something wrong with you.
You felt like you were losing your mind, going crazy, missing a vital part of the meaning of the relationship, but in fact, it was never you.
Narcissists play every trick they know in order to get you to feel this way. And so many people attest to feeling like they’re living somebody else’s life instead of their own.
Nothing they do feels authentic, and that’s because you’ve been told what to do.
You’ve been treated this way because they’ve molded you and turned you into what they want you to be.
This is the one problem victims have when it comes to moving on. Even when you stop loving them, you’re left with who they produced.
This person within a person that you don’t like, but it’s all you know to be real.
Finding you in all of that can feel so challenging, but it’s possible for every single victim of narcissistic abuse, but only after you’ve walked away.
Who you are is still buried underneath, and it’s time you found them.
#3 The good times were only designed to keep you agreeable
Just when you think the good times were genuine, looking back allows you to see the truth.
If it weren’t for those times, you wouldn’t be a victim for very long, you’d be out the door.
There had to be something to get you to stay, to get you to forgive them, to get you to defend their actions. This is the side only you see of them; the good side.
Is there a good side to a narcissist? Only in the sense that they act their way into your good books so that you stay agreeable.
When you stop loving them and gain that mental clarity, it all makes sense and the patterns start to form.
I don’t think the lesson to be learned here is going to be pain-free, because it proves and confirms to you that the whole relationship was built on lies.
Love was never there.
The good times were a mass of manipulative tactics.
You were used.
If that doesn’t make you love them any less, I don’t know what will.
#4 True happiness only comes when you remove them from your life
You don’t know how happy you can be until you are free from what’s making you miserable.
The only way of knowing what makes you miserable is by observing your moods and patterns, and when they are at their lowest.
Who are you with? When do you start feeling dread or misery? When do you feel like you can breathe?
These are all things to explore, and the moment you remove a narcissist from your life, you will be able to do that.
It’s like you’re born again, honestly. You don’t immediately bounce back and find yourself again, but you do start to find joy in the little things like you did before.
You begin to smile and nobody is there to tell you to stop.
You pick up a hobby that you’ve always loved, and nobody is over your shoulder laughing at you, or telling you that what you’re doing is ridiculous.
True happiness comes when the toxicity leaves your environment.
You can finally start to heal without them, and it feels so good.
And yes, that can sometimes also feel a little scary.
Getting to know yourself with so much freedom might make you shy away, but trust in the process. Trust your gut.
#5 Almost everything they ever told you was a lie
This is where things can start to get even more brutal. Almost everything the narcissist told you was a lie.
Even when you’re no longer in love with them, this realization can still hurt.
It feels like you have to grieve all the time you wasted trying to make it work.
You grapple with the guilt and shame of falling for everything they ever said to you, and you struggle thinking about trusting anybody else in the future who you might love.
They didn’t mean it when they said you were the only one for them, but I want you to consider something for me right now.
If they lied about how much they loved you, surely they lied about all the bad things they told you about yourself, too?
You’re too sensitive.
You’re not smart enough.
You’re frumpy.
You’re a nightmare to be with.
If they lied about the good stuff, they lied about the bad stuff, too.
In time, that should give you some level of comfort as to the type of person they are, and what kind of state they wanted you to end up in.
You’re none of those things, and as you move forward, you will slowly start to discover that for yourself.
#6 As much as they were a terrible partner, they were also a terrible person
Widen it out a little bit, because the narcissism doesn’t start and end with how they treated you.
This wasn’t specific to you at all, in fact, it’s just who they are. They were a narcissist before they met you, and long after you’ve gone from their life, they will continue to be one.
This is bigger than you are probably giving it credit for, but what I’m saying is, for every narcissist out there, there are a heap more victims.
They treated you terribly, but that’s because of who they are. It’s now on you to make sure you never find anybody like this to share your life with again.
It’s time for you!
