I’ve learned the hard way that dealing with a narcissist can drain your energy and totally mess with your confidence. You then question everything.
But wait. What if you could somehow flip the script
I want to share 6 powerful things you can do to hurt the narcissist. This isn’t about cruelty, it’s about reclaiming your power.
If you’ve ever felt that powerlessness around these toxic idiots, keep reading.
You might just find a move that gives you the upper hand you never thought was possible before now.
#1 Don’t chase them
What does chasing get for you up until this point? Really think about that, by the way. I don’t want you to say:
It makes me feel better.
I get the answers I need.
It helps me feel like I am working on the relationship.
No. Chasing means you are doing all the work, and the other person is doing nothing.
Otherwise you’d be walking toward each other, right? And that’s not happening.
But guess what? The secret is that the narcissist loves you chasing them. In running after their every mood and silence, you’re giving them exactly what they want.
You feed them attention, which they will lap up like a dog eat turkey leftovers.
You feed them your time, which could otherwise be spent doing something productive for, I don’t know… you, maybe?
You give them your energy, which could be used for you if it weren’t being wasted on them again.
Instead, just don’t. Hit them where it hurts and starve them of the supply they’ve been so used to all this time.
#2 Don’t explain yourself
I was just…
I wanted to…
I didn’t mean to…
I did it because…
I thought you might…
Just let me explain…
Stop! Stop it all. Stop it now. Stop it forever. I don’t want to hear your excuses, and I don’t want you having to use up all your energy telling the narcissist exactly what they want to hear from you.
You’re doing them a favor every single time you open your mouth with a justification.
You’re allowing them to lap up your desperation to seek validation from them as to why you said or did something. It has to stop. It needs to stop.
When you learn how to actually put that kind of talk to bed instead of making it your life’s mission to be understood, you will feel free.
The narcissist already understands you, but they pretend they don’t just to watch you wriggle and squirm your way out of the next awkward situation they’ve set up for you.
Don’t fall for it, and you will feel much better about yourself. Of course, learning to not feel guilty about explaining is trickier, but will come in time if you let it be.
When I say this kind of thing hurts a narcissist, I really mean it. Instead of your transparency, they are met with your strength. Where did you go? Why are you no longer readable?
Who cares?
#3 Don’t try to make them see your side
What a waste of time it is to try to make them see where you’re coming from.
Narcissists only see what they want to see, and if you are convincing them that you have a side of the story to begin with, then you’re not really dealing with a narcissist.
Having and needing to always be right, they will ignore your calls to listen to them.
It’s a case of, “I already made my mind up about how I want this situation to end, and your side of the story contradicts that so, bye.”
In other words, before you’ve even started to show them your side of the story, you’re fighting a losing battle.
What’s the point? You have to just allow them to think what they want and get lost in it all to really hurt them.
They’re counting on your begging and pleading to feel good about themselves, but you have to prove that this is no longer an option.
Hit the high road!
#4 Don’t beg for closure
When a narcissist shows you that they’re leaving, let them.
It should be a relief to you that they’ve ghosted you and won’t allow you the closure you feel you need, but in asking them for it, you’re still letting them have that power.
Why don’t you see it this way; you are able to give yourself closure. You just need to know that you deserve it.
When you are in a position to receive it, it can be on your own terms, without any assistance from the narcissist at all.
Begging for closure shows the narcissist that moving on is impossible without their permission.
You do not need their permission to live your life.
This is non-negotiable.
#5 Don’t believe them
Sounds like the most simple way to hurt them, doesn’t it?
All the while you fall into their traps of believing them when they tell you that you aren’t capable or good enough, and whenever they drag your character down yet again, choose you.
Choose to believe that you are good and capable and strong.
Choose to see the good in your energy and light.
Why should their words stand true to form, anyway? Why should what they say goes? They’re just people like you and me, they do not get to decide your future for you.
That is solely down to you.
When you stop believing, you start introducing that confidence into yourself again.
You are then able to grow and find your footing in life without them. This is like a physical pain to the narcissist, but you know what?
They deserve it.
#6 Stop giving access
This is such a big one!
Stop giving them access to you. To your heart, to your compassion, to your kindness, to your offerings of help and support. You will not receive anything in return. I will say it again:
You will not receive anything in return.
Letting the narcissist in is a sign that they don’t care about your boundaries.
They aren’t bothered by any privacy you have the right to. They don’t care about all the ways you try to preserve the positive aspects of your life.
Let them wonder about you. The less they know, the more likely you are to heal.
The less they know, the more likely you are to succeed in whatever goals or aspirations you have for yourself.
It’s really that simple, and it’s what I think all victims need to think about.
And I know. I know you’re the kind of person who just wants peace and for everybody to be and feel happy.
You want to be there and you don’t want to feel guilty about keeping secrets, or pulling yourself away from the narcissist you really want to love you back.
Isn’t it about time you didn’t care? They’ve put you through enough already.
It’s time to start living your life and if your actions hurt the narcissist, that doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong, it means you’re doing everything right…
…For you, at least! Keep it that way!
