Breaking up with a narcissist, huh? I should offer all my congratulations to you for doing something that I can imagine once upon a time seemed so impossible.
You did it, and here you are.
And now? Now the narcissist is terrified. This did not go according to their plan!
Your break up has sparked fear within them, and here are the 6 things that they are terrified of the most.
#1 “Where will I get my supply?”
Wait a second. If you’re gone, where will the narcissist get their supply?
Remember, your presence isn’t about feeling the love and being happy with somebody who they see a future with. It’s about what you can do for them, what you can offer them.
Knowing this should set you in a good light to understand the truth of why any narcissist wants to be around their victim.
This isn’t personal to you, this is every dynamic with a narcissist.
Supply can be anything from stealing your limelight, to wanting to get a reaction from you.
From giving you the silent treatment, to laughing at a hobby they know you love doing.
When you break up with them, you take all of that with you, so it leaves the narcissist panicked. Where will they go now, and whose supply can they steal?
Because those answers aren’t instant, the panic sets in and can really terrify them. But hey – that’s not your problem at all, right?! This is for them to deal with, because you are leaving.
#2 “What are you telling people about me?”
Ooh, I love this one. Narcissists are actually very paranoid types of people, and I believe that comes from the fact that they know their entire life is based on pretending, manipulating, controlling, and abusing.
They aren’t normal people, and so they have a lot to check in their metaphoric rear view mirrors as they depart each day into the next.
When you leave, their first thought will be that you’re telling people the truth.
You’re spreading information that will prove dangerous to their reputation, and they are terrified it will alter how others perceive them.
That will make it difficult for otters to trust them, and for any new relationship to start after you’ve gone.
They’ve lost control. They don’t know what to do, and they’re worried.
So they should be! This was all on them in the first place, and you walking away should prove to them that they are not the fine specimens they pretend to be.
Let them guess. You’ve got a life to live.
#3 “Where do I direct my abuse?”
That’s nothing to do with you. The only thing you can think about is yourself.
You know that you weren’t the first person the narcissist abused, and you certainly won’t be the last, either.
For them, they’ve got some panicked thinking to do. Where do they go next, and who is the most likely person to tolerate their abuse from the start?
Even just knowing this should ring alarm bells. What kind of person is terrified by not having anybody to abuse?
Surely, you just move on and get on with your life after a break up, and not worry about not having somebody to use.
That would be the case if you weren’t dealing with a narcissist. Unfortunately, you are.
You’re walking away from a person who doesn’t miss you, they only miss being able to abuse you. Without that, they’ve got nobody lined up.
As the clock ticks, it drives them crazy knowing they are running dry on lack of supply.
#4 “You’re moving on”
Oh, look at you, moving on and finding somebody new to be with. Are they being good to you? Are they emotionally regulated and happy?
Are you being made promises that are being kept? I hope that’s the case, but the narcissist won’t.
They will want you to be miserable, and will try their best to wish that to reality.
The trouble is, you have moved on. You’ve left your past – and the narcissist – behind, and they weren’t ready for you to be so swift in your moves.
In fact, they’re so used to you crying and begging to try again or for one more chance that the tables being turned this way have terrified them.
Seeing you happy with another means their long term plan to suck the life out of you didn’t work.
So now there you are creating happy memories and healing from the abuse, and they have literally nothing and nobody.
Their supply has run dry, and you are to blame (or be thanked by fellow survivors) for that.
#5 Emptiness
When you leave a narcissist, you’re leaving them totally high and dry. There’s an emptiness that will be inside them that they fear the most.
This emptiness causes obvious pain to surface, and this is the type of pain they’re keen to quash when they’re busy making you and everybody else around them as miserable as possible.
Suddenly, there they are, fighting their demons and being left to ponder life.
They’ve been abandoned, and the emptiness that comes with that triggers them into remembering why they hate themselves so much.
It’s a good thing, for you at least. For once, it isn’t you that feels as though your soul has left your body.
At last, it’s the narcissist’s turn to feel what it’s like to have nothing and nobody around them.
And this isn’t your problem either. You broke up with them because you finally realized that you deserve more from a relationship, and that starts with throwing out what doesn’t serve you.
#6 Your confidence
If the narcissist knew it would end this way, I highly doubt they’d have bothered trying to win you over in the first place.
Now they get to witness you absolutely having the best glow up of all time.
I don’t mean you’ve brushed your hair, or painted your nails, but as confidence goes, it can include those things.
This has more to do with what you choose to do, and how you choose to live.
The options you have in life are now all up for grabs, rather than you shrugging and saying, “I can’t possibly do that, I haven’t got what it takes.”
Now, without them, you are seeing that you perhaps do have what it takes.
That trip abroad seems tempting, and the job of your dreams is certainly a thing you’re not looking into, rather than wasting away in your dreams.
Confidence will come when you cut the cords of a narcissistic relationship because you have nobody telling you that you can’t.
Instead of listening to them and agreeing with them, you have yourself to thank for giving yourself the nudge you need in order to get those things you always hoped for.
The only challenge you have is how to stay true to yourself as you build on this confidence, and know that the only way you get the good things is by channeling what you’re capable of.
Let’s be honest here – the sky is your limit.
