Narcissists are such charmers, but behind closed doors, you’ll see a totally different version.
At home, their mask slips. What you next see are revealing traits most people never get to see, but you aren’t the lucky one. Far from it.
If something feels off in private but no one else sees it, you’re not imagining things.
Let’s look at 6 hidden narcissist traits that only show up at home…
…And why they matter more than you think.
Home is Where The Proof is
I know you wanted it to read ‘heart,’ didn’t you?
I wish I could say that for you, but unfortunately, there is no heart in the home of a narcissist, unless you count the one that’s broken inside of you.
Home should be where we all kick back and enjoy the space we created for ourselves.
It’s where we can be our most vulnerable and honest, and where our identity is woven into.
Home is also the place you will notice the narcissist’s traits the most, and where they will stop as soon as you exit that front door.
Why?
Because a closed door is a barrier to the reality of what you have to tolerate.
If nobody can see past it, nobody will dare guess the amount of abuse that goes on, on the other side.
If you even try to speak about it, it’s also that you won’t be believed.
That’s because it starts and ends on that front door mat.
#1 Silent Treatment as Punishment
When you’re at home, everything is different with a narcissist. Behind the door of security that sits at the front of your house lies the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
It’s where narcissists decompress. And it’s where they fully allow their mask to slip (only once they’ve gotten to know you enough, that is).
The worst aspect of a narcissistic relationship is the fact that the abuse happens when nobody else is around, and if they are, they don’t spot it.
Narcissists using silent treatment as a punishment can only really be executed at home. If you’re out, people are around and it’s not as personal as it would be if it were just the two of you.
And so they save it. For you. When you haven’t done a thing wrong (except in their warped eyes), and they pursue silence.
Ask yourselves what happens to you when the narcissist is silent?
You panic.
You ask questions.
You tiptoe.
You wonder.
You overthink.
You feel guilty.
You blame yourself.
You develop anxiety.
It;s a common trait to use the silent treatment to get you to feel all of this, and more.
But yes – home is where you will see it the most because there are no other eyes than yours watching and witnessing.
#2 Explosive Overreactions
When nobody else gets to see, those overreactions are going to be strong and intense. You’re probably aware of that already, though, even though I don’t particularly want you to be.
It’s never nice when narcissists explode, and they do it in a way that always seems to catch their victim off guard.
Blaming you, accusing you, criticizing you, snapping at you, making you feel like you’re always doing something wrong – it’s what they do.
And they will always do that because they see the reaction from you when they burst.
That explosion is mostly based on control, power and fear. They convert all of that energy into one ball of expulsion that is only aimed and designed for you – and only behind closed doors.
So see it as real abuse, because it is. If it can be controlled around other people and saved for you, then it is contrived.
#3 Constant Criticism Disguised as “Help”
If a narcissist is to witness you trying to do something, they will nearly always step in and tell you that you’re doing it wrong.
Let me do this.
You’re clearly not reading the instructions.
You just need to learn to do things properly.
Why are you always so half intelligent when it comes to this sort of stuff?
You’re doing this terribly.
And so what do you do? One of the first things would be to simply hand over the assignment to the narcissist.
What’s the point in continuing if you’re just the worst person in the world to execute the task?
But wait – they’re just ‘trying to help.’
Don’t mistake criticism for help. These are very different concepts. If somebody was really trying to help you, they wouldn’t judge you to the point of giving up.
#4 Emotional Withholding
When the person you love can’t get enough of you when out and in front of people, yet refuses to even look your way at home – that’s when you know you have an abuser in your life.
And before you make excuses for them, ask yourself this:
Are they in control of what they’re doing?
Do they treat you like a piece of shit in public?
Are they kind and loving and generous and compassionate to you at home?
The answers are all going to be no, aren’t they?
So there is a level of consciousness to the way they treat you, and that is a calculated way to push you into the frame of victim.
It’s a trait that sure, is a strong sign that they’re a narcissist, but it’s also that contrasting way they treat you that never lets you feel relaxed in their presence.
#5 Micromanaging Your Every Move
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
Who will be there?
What time are you leaving?
When will you be back?
Are you wearing that when you go?
Can’t I come?
How are you getting there?
When are you making dinner?
Why wasn’t the laundry done today?
The house is a mess.
Unfortunately, if you’re living with a narcissist, you’re also living with the questions they will fire at you as soon as you display just an ounce of independence.
Healthy?
Absolutely not. But if it’s behind closed doors, nobody is going to be witness to that except you.
It’s no wonder you stopped telling your friends that you’re going out with them, and chose to stay indoors.
This interrogation would be enough to put everybody off leaving the house.
Which is exactly why narcissists do it!
#6 Two-Faced Behavior
You may have heard of narcissists being akin to Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde – and you’d be right to think of them this way.
One side of them can be lovely and charming (as you know), and the other is the real person behind that pretence – the person you don’t want to get on the wrong side of.
Behind closed doors, you’re likely to see the more negative, toxic version for the most part.
After all, why should the narcissist be nice if there’s no audience to sit and watch the show? They will save that for when they step outside and start seeing other people.
It’s two-faced – and it hurts. But none of it is your fault, no matter how much they try to convince you that it is.
Don’t believe a word they say.
