The relationship between the narcissist and you has officially burned out. For whatever reason or catalyst for the end to come, it has. So what comes next?

For starters, you’re going to be witness to a lot of fear. It will be the kind of fear you never thought you’d see, and it will present itself in the craziest of ways.

Here’s a list of all the things narcissists fear when their relationship ends.

Loss of Control

The most obvious is the predicted loss of control that occurs whenever a relationship ends.

What the narcissist has been used to all this time is now crashing down around them.

There’s nothing they can do about it, either, despite having a few weak tricks up their sleeves. 

Ultimately, if your mind’s made up that you want things to end, they don’t really have a hope in hell of getting you back. 

Narcissists try to make up for a lack of control of themselves by controlling the world they live in.

They know they can’t feel, they know they can’t love, they know they can’t be the person they wish they could be, so they pretend.

As they pretend, they create a world that revolves around them to compensate for it all, and that’s where people suffer and fall at the hands of a person who is obsessed with control.

If they don’t have that control, they will do anything to gain it. 

The fear of not having any will lead to this fear. 

Why am I not able to be in charge?

What’s so wrong that I am losing respect here?

Why isn’t anybody making me feel special or important?

Do they not know who I am?

It’s crippling to the narcissist. They long for that status, and if people aren’t honoring theirs,  that’s where they fall.

When a relationship ends, the narcissist doesn’t know what to do next. All they know is, they’ve lost a large amount of supply. 

Replacement

Ouch. Not for you, though! If you’ve found somebody emotionally healthy who respects and loves you, then more power to you!

For the narcissist? They’re not so much in a good place. In fact, their very dented ego will be exposed for them to not be able to ignore, especially when you begin a new chapter with somebody else. 

And you’ve every right to, by the way. It’s your life to live and if you aren’t happy, you can change it. 

As for the narcissist, they fear being in a position where they are no longer number one.

They don’t have access to you, they can’t get under your skin, and they lose out on you.

They will never see that as heartbreaking because they love you, but they will fear being abandoned by the person they once relied heavily on. 

Unfortunately, that’s really the crux of it, isn’t it? No narcissist wants to be dumped.

Their biggest fear is that you don’t need them. As you get to that point, they realize they’re not at the center of your world.

Reputation Damage

What are you going to say about them when you leave and walk away? What pieces of information do you have up your sleeve that could cause them untold amounts of damage?

How are they going to explain themselves when you start telling the world how terrible and abusive they are?

They are in a panic thinking about all the situations you could relay, and the fear here is so real. 

There is a lot of worry in a narcissist’s mind when they start to fear what will happen next.

Usually, they could manipulate you somehow, or make threats to leave you if you step out of line or speak up about your abuse – but now the relationship has ended – you’re a free person in all aspects. 

But now? The narcissist is pacing. 

No Supply

All you gave them was your love. You threw attention toward them whenever they needed it, you forgave them, you believed their gaslighting ways, you trusted their opinions or thoughts.

Then, you reacted to their abuse. You complied, you cried, you got mad, you got jealous, you felt anxious, you lost yourself, and you grew to believe the limitations put upon you were the real limitations of your character and abilities. 

They were not. 

This was all just a way for the narcissist to control you, and make you feel. They wanted you small so that your supply was more valuable to them; more useful. 

And that supply kept them going. Through every dark twist and turn of your relationship, the narcissist was fuelled by you. 

And when it comes to an end, you can bet they’re going to really fear losing it all. That’s the only reason they fear losing you – your supply is gone alongside you. 

What will they do then?

You Healing

A pretty big step in the end of your relationship with a narcissist is your own healing. 

All this time, they’ve been able to push and pull you like the tide. They’ve been able to dictate your moods with how they act, or what they say, and they’ve loved that.

Keeping you small is how you stop seeing the world as a place that supports you.

No longer seeing it as a place you can heal will resign you to your supposed fate. But it doesn’t have to be this way, and only when you break up can you see the possibility before you. 

When you start to heal, you will never be able to be controlled by them again. They lost you entirely, and that’s how you find yourself again.

Doesn’t that just sound like a huge fear the narcissist has? 

That’s because it is.

No Access

No access to you, everything you have shared together disappears with a puff of smoke, and you are now considered history. 

It’s scary when you leave a situation so abusive, but it’s also a sign that freedom is now yours. 

When the relationship ends, victims often feel lost, not knowing what to do next.

That’s because you’ve been convinced that there’s no life outside those dynamics – but the abuser, the narcissist, is wrong.

There is so much life, and so much hope. But you cannot find it until you’ve left that environment. 

The narcissist loses access to you, and they lose everything that comes with that.

Sadly, they will never see the good they lose, because they’re only interested in what serves them.

That usually looks like the kind of reactions you give them, or the times you’re there to boost their ego by deflating your own.

Rinse, repeat. Time and time again. 

As difficult as it might be, you’re right to withhold access. They don’t get that level of honor now, and they shouldn’t have had it while you were together.

The narcissist never deserved it, and now is the time you can draw a line under your past and walk into the future with your head held high. 

Fearing no access to you is not your problem, and should not be considered so. 

DO THIS To Get Under The Skin Of a Narcissist

Have you ever wanted to get under a narcissist’s skin? Let me tell you, it’s easier than you think!

Narcissists thrive on control and being admired, but there are ways to break through their seemingly tough exterior. 

It’s actually pretty weak!

The key is understanding their weaknesses. Their fragile egos and need for validation lead to a huge fear of being exposed. 

Therefore, using the right tactics can disrupt their game and leave you to take back your power.

Ready to flip the script and watch them squirm?

#1 The Art of Staying Calm

While narcissists think the way to get somebody’s attention is to speak loudly and intimidate them – there’s a lot to be said for remaining calm and collected. Some might say there is an art to it.

Think about it. An argument begins, and you know it has nothing to do with you.

The narcissist entered the room in a certain mood, and was intent on creating noise and drama.

It goes against everything you believe in, yet there you are, experiencing it. 

What choice do you have?

Well, a lot, actually. You have a lot of choices. You can continue to play along and match the pitch. You can cry and allow them to see you being mentally drained before their eyes.

Or…

You can stay calm and let them rage and shout, knowing it has nothing to do with you. Yes, you’re the target, and nobody wants to be.

But…

You’re not the one who has to respond. Nobody does. 

Staying calm throws the narcissist into unfamiliar waters because they’re used to you acting differently.

They don’t have anything to bounce off, like they usually would. Your calm aura is like a door closing on them, and it really gets under their skin. 

Okay.

Uh-huh.

I hear you.

I’m listening, but I will not shout back at you.

I would really appreciate it if you could understand your shouting is not getting us anywhere. 

Staying calm like this is going to shut the narcissist down and pertain to the idea that noise and anger won’t get anybody anywhere.

Once they know they can’t rile you, the annoyance will lie in the new understanding that they can’t gain any supply from you this way. 

#2 Be Firm!

Well, no narcissists like firmness. 

Firmness usually means you have boundaries, and boundaries are something all narcissists hate. They can’t stand to be told which side of the line to stand.

They hate even knowing there is a line in the first place!

When somebody so toxic has been used to walking all over you, it will be a shock to them when you suddenly develop assertiveness.

You will be met with resistance when you lay down what you will no longer put up with. Remember, the narcissist is used to knowing a certain version of you. The version that says yes instead of no.

When you stop with one, and start with the other – you’re going to get right under their skin!

#3 Ignore Them: Refusing To Hand Over Supply

I don’t want you to think that ignoring them is the same as giving them the silent treatment. I don’t believe in treating toxic behavior with equal toxicity – because two wrongs don’t make a right. 

However…

Silence where noise once rested is a way of retaining dignity and class, which may previously have been reverted to supply for them regarding your emotions. 

#4 Stand in Your Truth

There’s really no better place to stand. In your truth, everything makes sense. It’s where you can stand, knowing you are giving it your all and believing in yourself fully. 

It’s where confidence starts to grow and you’ll find a more assertive version of yourself. 

For that very reason, standing in your truth even though the narcissist is trying hard to pull you out of it, is crucial.

#5 Grey Rock 

Have you ever heard of Grey Rock? I am sure by now that so many of you will know what I mean by it, but just in case, let’s get a briefing!

Grey rock is nothing. It means to give the narcissist as little, if anything at all, as possible. You hear them, and you want to respond, but instead, you choose to say, “Okay,” “Sure,” “Uh-huh.”

Your face is calm and emotionless, and there isn’t an ounce of feeling in your voice. 

Giving the narcissist the proverbial grey rock is how you retain your power and give them absolutely nothing to feed from.

Will they like it?

Absolutely not!

But the more you exude it, the smaller they will feel. 

For too long, the narcissist has provoked and triggered you.

It’s time for all of that to stop.

#6 Call Them Out – and Mean it

Hey. What you did back there was wrong. 

Do you realize how you treated that person? You act like you don’t even care.

It was your fault we were late. Even though you had the time written down, you still got here after everybody else. 

You’re trying to be mean to me, but it just won’t work. 

I see what you’re doing, and I want you to know that I don’t fall for it.

Anything where you can throw some assertive statements into the mix without getting sucked into an argument, you should be able to do.

Getting under the skin of a narcissist is how you make what they’re doing almost seem like something to belittle. Narcissists hate being caught out and hate being embarrassed even more!

#7 Start to Thrive Away From Them

If there’s one thing guaranteed to annoy a narcissist – it’s your independence. 

Oh, you’re going out?

Actually, yes I am. I am going out in this outfit, and I look fantastic. You aren’t going to stop me. 

Are you applying for that job? Isn’t it a little out of your reach?

Yes, I am applying for it because, guess what, I am qualified and skilled, and I want to get it.

Thrive. Don’t just thrive a little; thrive like you mean it!

#8 Play By Your Own Rules

It’s probably been a long time since you’ve picked up your copy of the rulebook, but it’s still there.

It may be a little dusty, but now you get to dampen it down and start acting as if you are the main character of your own life. 

Don’t ever let anybody, least of all a narcissist, dictate to you. 

Your rules equate to what you want from life and how you want to go out and fight for it all. 

This is not up for debate!