We all have our secrets; most of the time, they’re innocent.
Narcissists also have secrets.
They hide certain things from people like me, and people like you…
…For good reasons.
As soon as you think you have them all figured out, they completely ignore your ideas about them.
The secrets narcissists protect will surprise you. I’ve got the top 6 right here.
Narcissists and Self-Preservation
Each and every narcissist has an agenda. They aim to manipulate who they need to, in order to control what they can. They’re skilled this way, and will play with your emotions to fulfill their own needs.
They adhere to a stringent set of rules they made for themselves to preserve themselves. These include ensuring you are always wrong and that they’re always right.
The arrogance that circles the average narcissist always includes how they do everything for themselves, without worrying or even considering you or I.
Underneath the Surface: Protecting Everything
Self-preservation isn’t really the main focus here, though. I think you and I know that.
This isn’t about protecting their good image, and making sure they remain kind and helpful. It’s about fearing.
It’s about having secrets, so that they can get away with them.
Under that surface is a desperate need to protect everything about themselves.
Secrets – Keep it All in!
Yes – it’s fair to say the narcissist has some truly meaty secrets. Secrets they will take with them to their grave before they reveal them to you (unless you find them out for yourself). Even when you do find them out, they will deny!
So – keeping the secrets in is how they protect their image. It’s no more than that, I can assure you.
By now, I think you might have a good idea about exactly what these secrets are going to be.
I don’t want to keep you in suspense any longer!
Narcissist’s and Secrets: 6 You Can Bet They Will Protect!
…and I mean protect with their life!
#1 Where They Have Been
How often do you ask where the narcissist has been when they come rolling in the door three hours late?
Frequently, perhaps.
Okay, next question…
How often do they tell you the truth?
Well, that’s a tricky one to answer. Knowing the answer stems from knowing the truth each time they tell you. Whatever secrets they have will be protected by excuses, making it hard to know if or when they’re speaking honestly.
Their secrets on where they’ve been will be hidden and protected.
There was traffic.
Work ran late.
The meeting was pushed back.
I had trouble starting the car.
The train was delayed.
The excuses will be there, because the truth has a bubble of protection around it.
What is the truth?
Well, that’s for you to surmise.
#2 Who They’ve Been With
What’s it got to do with you?
Why are you checking up on who I’ve been with?
What are you suggesting?
Oh, here we go again!
I’m sure a lot of these comments are familiar with you if you’ve ever asked who they were with. And I understand. You want to know because in the past, certain names have been omitted from their mouths when they tell you who was at that post-work drinks event.
Knowing who the narcissist was with, especially if they are being purposely cagey about it all, is important to you. Track records of dishonesty and secrecy will lead to further paranoia. You know how that goes:
Why are you so paranoid about who I was with?
Why do you always have to know exactly who was there?
It’s thrown back in your face, like you are doing something wrong.
Just answer the question, be honest, stop protecting your secrets, and we won’t have a problem!
#3 What They Do With Their Money
When it comes to money, it’s one rule for the narcissist, and another for you.
You can’t spend that much on a new outfit. We have bills to pay!
How much money did you spend on gas this week? It seems like a lot to me.
And then enters the narcissist, complete with new outfit, new phone, new laptop – new whatever.
You know the new thing looks shiny and worth a pretty penny, so you ask them.
What I do with my hard earned money has nothing to do with you.
What’s it to you? It’s money money, I can do what I want.
Oh here we go, making me feel guilty. You know, I work hard and I deserve to treat myself.
You see the double standards? Underneath it all, the narcissist is spending a lot of money, but they aren’t going to tell you the amount!
#4 That They Still Talk to Their Ex
This one is a real killer, let me tell you. I hear it fairly frequently through the work I do that people suffer at the hands of their narcissistic partner due to finding out how much they still talk to their ex.
Now – I understand that if a relationship ends amicably – you might bump into that person from time to time. A little hello and hope you’re okay is pretty normal. Then you move on with your life.
Narcissists are very secretive about the depth of their communication, and they will always want to protect that. Talking with their ex is something they feel automatically entitled to. They flirt, they chat, they may even exchange inappropriate messages.
The less others know about that, the better. This is why they will always protect that truth.
It’s called ‘having your cake, and eating it.’
#5 That They Don’t Love You
No narcissist knows how to love you—and that’s the one fact you need to learn from number 5! It’s true, they can try to show you what they think love is by treating you to something, taking you out for dinner, or telling you they are the provider of the house.
None of that is love.
The secret to the way they love is if they produce something tangible, their love will feel tangible.
That’s not how love works, though, is it?
They will never admit to not loving you because, as far as they are concerned, they try their best to show you.
#6 Who They Really Are
One of the best-kept secrets of all time – who the narcissist really is!
No. They aren’t going to show you who they are. It’s taken years to build this image of themselves they want the world to see. No narcissist will be silly enough to say, “You know what? Under all this is a really despicable person…”
Not a chance!
They protect their image with their life. The narcissist will replace reality with charm and captivating allure.
Eventually, though, that secret will appear in its own way.
