You look around and heavily pick up on the fact that the narcissist is treating literally everybody they meet better than they treat you.
A smile to a stranger, helping an elderly lady across the street, or even just making general conversation with somebody in line at the grocery store.
Wherever they are: first impressions count, and they get to have that all the time if they are open to it.
As much as it may rile you, there are 6 reasons why a narcissist would treat everybody better than you. Let’s get into it.
#1 They Crave the Approval of Whoever They Meet
Think of a little puddle right after it rains. That’s how deep the narcissist is.
The funniest part about that is how true it is, and also how little the narcissist is interested in being any deeper.
For them, that means they’ve got to actually be loyal, or create some form of genuine connection…
…Big no for them!
Instead, life is about how loud they can be. How instant they can make people like them. Therefore, their aim is to collect as many admirers as they can, like pebbles on a beach.
Here’s where they love strangers the most, because these people add to that number in large volumes. A smile, a charm, an exchange, and boom. They get what they want, and are happy as anything.
You? You’re just somebody they live with. They can’t pretend around you for long because you see them all the time.
This is about numbers, not what’s right.
#2 They Want a Safe Cover in Others
Everybody around you will see the narcissist in a way that you don’t. They’ll see the happy, cheery and warm disposition, which makes your truth about your experiences impossible to prove.
I hate to say it, but the narcissist is only too aware of this, and that’s why it’s used deliberately.
They build people around them like a giant wall of defence, so you can’t touch them with your accusations.
Long term, that means you appear to be the problem, and you’re also a great big liar, too.
Painfully, people will defend them, much to your shock. The more you try to speak up, the crazier you’ll be made to look.
This is about who the narcissist can use, and even though you think they love you, this should be proof that they don’t
#3 It Is Used as Total Control
We all know the main aim of any narcissist is to control you. We talk about it a lot, but I really need you to know how deeply this control can go, and the effect it has on you. The longer you stay, the harder it is to pull yourself out.
Every single time the narcissist gains control over you in any situation, you lose slightly more of your emotional stability.
When that happens, the narcissist wins these little wars that they feel they have to constantly fight.
They manage how others see them in comparison to how you see them. You’re literally being pitted against the masses, so it’s no wonder there’s no hope for you to win.
It can get to a point where you watch them and think, “Do I imagine the ugly version I see? Is it all in my head?”
No it isn’t, but they think in controlling this contrasting approach of you versus them that you’ll think it is.
A person is unable to fight clearly if they can’t think clearly, and that’s worth remembering.
#4 Because You Are Not Special
It’s a hard truth to familiarize yourself with, but that’s why you need to do it.
As soon as you realize that you aren’t special to them, it’s as if a part of you has been set free.
This part of you that held on for so long that your knuckles turned white and your fingers went numb.
Now, you can let go and get that feeling back.
The narcissist never chose you because of who you are, they chose you because of what you can provide for them.
They see you as useful. They noted your willingness to stay even though they accuse you, lie to you, and laugh in your face.
You’re replaceable. Your supply can come from anybody else they meet who fits the criteria, but you are just the latest person they’ve found who will do that for them.
From the beginning, you ticked a box. It’s hurtful to read, but I do believe in telling the truth.
#5 They Treat Their Charm as Transactions
With each smile and gesture, there is a price attached. That’s the case with all narcissists; everything they offer is conditional, even to strangers.
You see, strangers have to play the game, too. If they aren’t interested, the narcissist will drop them like hot coal and move onto somebody who is.
Once the narcissist is able to get what they want; attention, compliments, laughter, favors, smiles, kindness, they’re happy. It’s only then the charm wears off, because it just cannot be sustained.
That’s why they always claim to have a best friend you’ve never heard of. Even people they initially meet get tiresome to them, so the narcissist will constantly bounce around getting that first hit, because it tastes the sweetest.
With you, that mask fell a long time ago, and they know they can’t use their initial charm on you again.
Strangers will always be treated better than you because the opportunity to put their mask on comes thick and fast, and they love it.
#6 They Know How Much It Annoys You
You give the narcissist everything. Your time, love, patience, energy and loyalty.
You chase them constantly, wanting them to see that you’re a good person. You wish they’d notice your efforts, and reward you with some kind of consistent love and warmth, but they don’t.
They yell, scream, criticize, mock and possibly even hit you.
Then you leave the house, and you watch them interact with strangers, and you see this totally new person.
Nobody sees who you see at home, and one of the reasons why the narcissist is so good at this is because they know how much it affects you.
That heavy, anxious ball in the pit of your stomach is there for a reason, and that reason usually means you’ve had to endure this type of treatment for a long time.
You are barely able to overcome their latest rage attack, when not two minutes later, you’re at that party watching them mingle and laugh like nothing happened.
The narcissist shoots you a look as if to say, “Yep. This is what you have to deal with.”
Your face tries to hide the pain, and you can forget about having any kind of a good time, because it’s impossible when you’re still reeling from their abuse.
It’s triggering, I understand. That’s why they do it.
Seeing them act without a care in the world to strangers makes it official:
They treat everybody so much better than you, and they don’t even have any kind of conscience about it.
