When you meet the person of your dreams, you probably can’t wait to get married and live happily ever after.
Dreams become paper thin the moment you marry a narcissist, because they are never in it for you and your love. They’re in it – like everything else – for themselves.
I want to share 6 reasons why narcissists marry you to make their lives easier, and I am sorry to confirm that none of the reasons will be to make you feel good.
Sometimes, the direct approach works best.
#1 To appear to be trusting people
Narcissists love marriage because it gives them the kind of mask they love to hide behind.
The mask is an illusion, creating a gateway between actual reality and their reality.
And trust me, it’s convincing.
This mask worn well tells the world that narcissists can commit.
It shows how trusting they are of others, which is a vulnerability they struggle with, and above all, it looks to prove that hey are stable.
But we know the truth, don’t we? We know this is nothing but a performance.
Narcissists don’t marry you because they trust you, they marry you because they know how good marriage looks to the outside world.
It’s the kind of act that softens their image, and makes other people drop their guard.
They are such a good family person.
No, they just pretend to be because you then become proof that they are a credible character.
You’re their cover story, but behind closed doors, trust disappears, and secrets stay hidden.
You are not their safe place, and I hate to say it, but they are not yours either.
#2 To look as though they put others first
Marriage is one of the most selfless acts a person can carry out.
It is a big sign of a person saying, “I am willing, ready and enabled to share my life with you, and this is going to be the best love story the world has seen.”
To a narcissist, they want to marry you quickly to make them appear to be caring and considerate.
They want other people to give them credibility for being devoted to you, without actually doing any of the work.
The reality is sadder than anything you could imagine. Your needs come last, and I say that and mean it every time.
If you’re exhausted, it won’t matter to the narcissist. If you have a dream, you can forget about it.
Your voice shrinks and becomes powerless, but underneath it all, the narcissist wants praise for even the most basic acts.
You give, they take. Every single time.
Don’t think that their generosity in marrying you and having the wedding of your dreams will ever work out to be the happy ending you assume it to be.
You will be drained quietly behind the scenes, but if they marry you quickly, you won’t have time to leave.
#3 To be seen as loved and loving
I will let you into a secret…
Narcissists crave the image of love more than love itself. For them, marriage is a sign to the world that somebody chose them, and stayed.
This is a real ego booster, and it feeds the identity they want to express into the world.
They love to be seen as loving. The posting of the photos, telling people stories and accepting compliments about their marriage.
They want to hear it all because it feeds right back to them and the pretense they’re offering out.
Real emotional intimacy? That’s totally different. That requires real empathy, consistency, and just being present enough to allow it to be real.
Before the emotional neglect, the narcissist will want to snap you up and marry you, because as soon as that ring is on your finger, your dreams have supposedly come true.
In public, your love will be on display, showing that you are The One for them.
At home, you’re ignored. Was this your dream all along? Not likely, but the speed of the wedding and consequent marriage will be all the narcissist wants, like a ticket to show off.
I’m married which means I must be loving and lovable..
We know the truth.
#4 So they effectively have a constant target
Marriage gives a narcissist constant access to a target whenever they want it.
Your time, emotions, how you react. You are always there for them to walk all over, and your availability proves to them that they never have to worry about a lack of supply.
You are seen as a convenience, and I know that seems like a really harsh way to describe you.
Wedding vows are like a contractual exchange to the narcissist, and they appreciate the fact that they can lash out at you when they’re stressed, or provoke you when they’re bored.
You should have to be their emotional dumping ground, just because you married them.
Sadly, your pain will become a routine’ something to learn to expect as you are dismissed time and time again.
Marriage also means you can’t easily escape and sign your life back to being single, and the peace of being alone will be a hard concept to fight back for.
A quick marriage after you’ve barely had time to get them to know them will keep you from this tragic truth, too.
The faster the ring slips onto your finger, the less time you have to doubt the story you’re being fed.
#5 For a place to live
Sometimes, the motive is more practical than emotional.
You are not seen as anybody the narcissist particularly cares about or wants around, but you have something they really want and need…
A place to live.
They need stability, security, and housing. Marriage provides all three combined, so it’s a winner for every narcissist who is at a loose end.
And so they move in quickly, and claim you as a future spouse forevermore soon after.
They promise to love you and keep you safe, and in return will tell you how much you are still going to love having your own space.
Over time, the house will become less and less a part of you, and more their whole identity.
You will feel lost, but the speed of which they came into the house and made it their own won’t have given you any time to realize the truth.
#6 For your money or impending inheritance
When a narcissist meets you, they will latch onto any news you have about your assets.
What your income is, is a huge interest and if they can sponge off that or any inheritance to come, they will.
This doesn’t make them good planners, it makes them opportunists who have access and permission to use what is rightly yours as their own.
They take advantage because they can, and the fast rate of marriage here will work in their favor.
What’s yours legally becomes theirs overnight, and that can be dangerous for you who ends up losing out on half of what should be yours.
The worst part?
Their money will always be theirs, and theirs alone.
