Unlucky people share children with narcissists. There. I said it.
The reason those people are unlucky is because it’s pretty much like being a single parent, only with a heavy load of control still on you.
You’re taking on the load of responsibility. Your days are hectic and stressful, and your narcissistic partner is helping zero percent.
Let me tell you, they hate parenting, and here’s why.
#1 Loving is impossible
If you’ve got kids, you’re loving hard …
… Unless you are a narcissist.
Narcissists view their kids to be extensions of them.
They aren’t allowed their own opinions or hobbies, and their entire lives are built upon the concept of playing whatever game their parent wants them to play.
You can’t love somebody that you’re simultaneously using, but to make it clear for you all:
Narcissists do not love anybody.
It’s difficult for children of narcissistic parents to accept that. So many of their earlier years are spent trying to gain validation and love from their toxic parents, to no avail.
Nothing is good enough, goalposts are moved, impatience and criticism are common.
How can any narcissistic parent enjoy their children the way healthy parents do if they can’t love them, or see them as the beautiful people they are and have helped create?
They can’t. And it’s a huge reason why they hate parenting in general.
#2 Putting somebody else as a priority is impossible for them
Imagine being so egotistical that you can’t even bring it to yourself to put your kids first?
Narcissists will do this, but they will do so begrudgingly. They won’t want to spend their precious time thinking about the priorities of their kids.
I heard of a narcissistic father who once learned his daughter at 15 was inappropriately approached by somebody he knew, and he didn’t do a thing about it.
He didn’t even validate his daughter and tell her that it wasn’t her fault.
He couldn’t bring himself to put his perfect image on the line and confront somebody because he was too worried about how it might look to everybody else.
Can you imagine? Going to that length to not be there when your kid needs you the most because for once, it isn’t about you?
Narcissists hate that aspect of parenting. They don’t like it not being easy, and will literally move away from any drama because they don’t want to be seen getting caught up in it.
Imagine what that must feel like for the kids, who have to always settle for the fact that nobody really has their back.
You want to know that you’ve been raised by people who want you, love you, and care about you.
Instead, with narcissistic parents, it’s like you spend your life settling for what you’ve got while yearning for what you see other people have.
And they’re lucky, and they’re confident and follow their dreams.
They were their parent’s priorities. And it shows in older age in all the things they do, and how they live their lives.
This kind of thing cuts deep, and it can make you feel like you don’t matter and never did.
This isn’t true. You just fell into this world made by the wrong people who didn’t deserve your light to abuse and neglect.
#3 Attention not on them
This is classic narcissistic behavior, no matter what dynamic you’re in. When it’s to do with a parent, it cuts that little bit deeper.
They love attention. They want the praise, the compliments, the glory, the huge and over-the-top support and loyalty coming straight their way, but they aren’t willing to work for it and earn it.
They give nobody a reason to act that way toward them, yet the entitlement is still in full swing.
Children come along, and they have needs. They need to be cared for, looked after, guided in life and parents are the responsible ones.
That’s where it hits a nerve with a narcissist. Dropping whatever expectations they have of others to be in charge of the children you had is tough.
For this reason, they hold huge resentment for their kids – who by the way, didn’t ask to be born – and that can last a lifetime.
No narcissist likes to be told they have to do something, so when it comes to running errands, or taking them to their after-school classes, or heading to that unicorn-themed birthday party, you’ve got to suck it up.
#4 Their kids shine a light on all their faults
This can actually get pretty funny as you watch kids be their innocent, honest selves.
Daddy, why do you always grumble?
Mommy, why do you spend all that time looking in the mirror?
Daddy, why do you never bother coming to my sports days?
Mommy, you always say you will do something with me then you’re always too busy. Why?
I know there are so many more comments kids can make that shines a light on all the faults of a narcissist, and to watch their face drop in response is pretty priceless.
It must be really confusing to have somebody so small pick up on all the worst parts about you.
When you’re a narcissist and dealing with an adult, there are more direct ways to react, but with kids, it’s a little trickier.
When you have a bit of an audience as they speak their little truths, that can be even more entertaining for the lookers on!
When it comes to the crunch, any narcissist will loathe this aspect of having kids.
#5 Vulnerability equals discomfort
The hugs, the bedtime stories, the ‘I love yous,’ the talks about life and love; it’s all so uncomfortable for narcissists.
It’s not even remotely close to where their comfort zone sits, but yet they can be cornered into participating in these things with their own kids.
I think this is one big reason why narcissists hate that aspect of parenting, knowing there are going to be times they will be inadvertently asked to let their guard down and it just will not be possible.
It’s where you see them try to act their best to appease their kids in the moment, but they will not like it one bit!
It should be easy, I hear you.
#6 The scapegoat will be the one who exposes them
With every narcissist comes a set of dynamics that will always include a scapegoat.
This is the person who will be treated like crap, always blamed and made to feel the real wrath of the narcissist’s abusive side.
Scapegoats tolerate abuse for so long before they bravely stand up and declare what’s really going on behind closed doors.
Narcissists will hate knowing that they have this type of child, because it will spell disaster, and normally that’s where the scapegoat is known to cut contact and walk away eventually.
Growing up, they will be the ones who speak the loudest, even if it means going against the narcissist.
They’re also the most sensitive, so that will work in the favor of their toxic parent who will target them over the years.
In an ideal world, according to the narcissist’s secret thoughts, they would just do as they’re told!
