Just when you think nothing else can make you feel invisible, a narcissist will walk ahead of you.
I don’t just mean once, I mean all the time. They won’t match you and stroll alongside, they will want to be in front.
Why?
There isn’t actually just one reason, but there are 6.
They really do have an extreme amount of ways in which to make you feel like you don’t matter, and I firmly believe this topic is overlooked.
So let me share, while you learn a little more about these toxic people.
#1 They don’t want to be seen with you
Narcissists will look for opportunity wherever they can find it, and if opportunity looks like walking alone and owning it, then that’s what they will do as often as they can.
Walking ahead of you because they don’t want to be seen with you is included in that, and trust me, I know how much that hurts.
When you put yourself in the position of all those times the narcissist did this to you, it’s as if you’re being left behind.
In essence, that’s true. You’re left behind because you don’t matter enough for them to want to be seen walking beside you.
This can come from embarrassment in their eyes of being seen with somebody who has trouble looking up and walking confidently due to the abuse you have to tolerate.
It has nothing to do with who you really are, though. It’s not a true reflection; just a reflection of what they see and think (which shouldn’t count for much, but does).
#2 Their steps ahead reflects who is in charge
Narcissists will look for control wherever they can get it, and that includes when they’re out and about with you.
For that reason, they will not hesitate to leave you in their shadow as they walk on ahead and capture the day.
It’s as if you are walking behind the pied piper; the person playing the tune and you are watching them lead you yet again.
You don’t mean to do that, but that’s how the dynamics have become, and how they’ve stuck.
And narcissists love it. They will never turn and say, “Hey there you are. Let’s walk together.”
Walking ahead of you can be a direct sign that you follow them in life, no matter what that means or looks like.
A hard truth!
#3 You are in their shadow
Being in the narcissist’s shadow is nothing new, right? I mean, you probably live every day feeling as though you are shrouded in their darkness, without a way of bringing yourself, your character, your personality into the spotlight for once.
That’s how the narcissist likes it. They don’t want you to be seen or heard if they can help it, unless there’s something in it for them.
Don’t be fooled into thinking this is your protector.
I’ve got this.
Stick behind me and I will get us where we need to be.
This is not a person with your best interests at heart. This is a person who doesn’t want you to be an equal in the relationship, and who will try anything to make you feel small and invisible.
In time, that’s what all victims start to think about themselves, and sadly that’s where mental health takes a real nosedive in many cases.
Don’t let that be you.
#4 They hate making small talk with you
Wherever you’re going, the narcissist just wants to get there.
They don’t want to waste time getting caught up in how lovely the day is, or what stores look like they’re about ready to shut down, or even what to have for lunch.
This spells boredom for them, and they think they’re so above and beyond such small talk.
Being ahead of you means they get to avoid this kind of thing at all costs.
In their eyes, it’s much better to walk alone than it is to pretend any more than they already do that they like you.
They’re done; bored, and they shut down. For them, the walk is a great excuse to make that clear and look busy so you can’t accuse them of being rude or uncaring.
It’s a different story for you though, isn’t it? You like chatting. You want to hear about what they think of the weather, or if they’re having a nice time.
For you, these chats are what forms a strong connection in a relationship, and increases that bond.
Don’t count on them agreeing with you, though. They would rather watch paint dry.
#5 They’re more interested in what’s going on around them
If you can be assured of one thing, it’s that a narcissist is always looking for an opportunity to look perfect in front of whatever audience they have.
I’m hardly shocked that this includes walking down the street, surrounded by strangers, but this is the case.
Walking ahead of you means they get all the sights first. They get the news first, the vibe, the dynamics.
From this, they are quick to divert wherever they need to, and wherever the drama is likely to be.
I’m sorry to say that this is just another time where they don’t care about you or whatever conversation that you’re trying to make.
Think about when you’ve been out in public with a narcissist, and you ask them a question.
You look up, waiting for an event with a half decent response, but they’re looking elsewhere.
They’ve clocked the couple arguing, or the cute waitress, or the rich looking couple who are walking along with every store’s bag hanging off their arms.
It’s deflating. You feel invisible yet again. And nothing you say or do changes that.
#6 The strut they get to do
I almost want to roll my eyes even thinking about it, but it’s true. Narcissists have a certain strut that they have perfected over three years.
I wouldn’t be surprised if they have used a mirror in order to get it just right.
Go over it in your mind, and think about how you always see the back of that narcissist in your life in public. It’s as if they think the floor is a catwalk, and any strut they have will be noticed by all.
Wow, who is this important person?
Look at how they’re carrying themselves!
They must really have a lot of money.
They’re so confident!
Is it confidence? No. Somebody confident doesn’t need to Overcompensate, they just live their lives.
Somebody insecure and always on the lookout for an opportunity to show off makes them in need of a strut.
Or as I like to call it, peacocking.
Look at me, don’t I look amazing?
No. You look ridiculous. Your strut just makes you look like you’re in desperate need of a bathroom.
Let me remind you that you are worth walking beside, and if you are having to watch the back of the narcissist’s head, that’s a place you can take yourself away from.
When there is a chance to run from the peacock, you run!
