You want a happy ending, with the man of your dreams. 

Only something seems to be holding them back, and you are sensing a lost opportunity for you to that happy ending.

Why should you sacrifice your dreams for somebody who isn’t meeting you on the plains of love and commitment?

Probably because he’s a narcissist – and here are 9 excuses he will give you to not be a husband or father.

What You Want? Doesn’t Matter!

If I could offer you one tip before we even delve into this topic, it’s this:

What you want doesn’t matter. 

I mean, I know it matters to you, but it doesn’t matter to the narcissist. So if you’re dreaming about getting married, having kids and living happily ever after, I think you can safely say goodbye to that idea if you’re with a narcissist.

As much as they will promise you the moon and stars, they will rarely deliver.

If the tiny chance occurs that they do – it’s going to be far from the dream family life you had painted in your head. 

Being somebody’s husband or father should be a privilege; something you cherish and value more than anything.

It’s the core of what it is to be human. Sharing your life, connecting, reproducing, and loving the family unit you create.

It’s just a shame you will never get that same view from a narcissist. 

#1 Too Much Responsibility, Not Enough Praise

The second you have a child, life isn’t about you. And I get the irony in that, because you actually have to put yourself first, but not in a narcissistic way.

You cannot pour from an empty cup. So your wellbeing, your sleep, your diet – it all has to matter for everything else to matter and work out. 

Having said that, both parents need to raise that child with love, forgiveness, adoration and kindness.

Have you ever seen a narcissist praise anybody, even a child? If you have, it’s likely been because there was some kind of an audience. Let me tell you, they do not give away compliments for free.

Instead, they look for praise.

What a great father you are.

Your child is so lucky to have you as their dad!

You’re doing such an amazing job!

If those phrases aren’t flowing, the narcissistic father will lose his mind.

Plus – think of all that responsibility! For once, it’s not about them!

The very same applies to those who are husbands. Suddenly, they’re not sailing their own boat, they’re sharing one with somebody else. 

That’s half the attention – and that won’t do. 

#2 All Eyes Off Them? No Thanks

Which leads me to point 2!

If the eyes of others are not on the narcissist, they’re going to have a problem with that. And it will be a big one. 

I still can’t believe I say this when I say it but, narcissists even get jealous of their own kids.

I wonder if that’s a position you’ve had to be put through before. Your own father dislikes you because you succeeded, or you did something well, or you are simply a joyous person who radiates a room and attracts people to you. 

And if you’re married to a narcissist, the same thing applies. You do well, you’re liked, you’re kind and loving. 

Big ‘oh no.’

I know that’s what they like about you, but they only like it because they know you’re more likely to forgive, manipulate and forget. 

Just remember – narcissistic men do not make good husbands or fathers for that reason, so it’s a blessing in disguise if they don’t want to commit to any one of those roles.

Run, and move on!

#3 Commitment Crashes the Ego Party

The narcissist goes from being able to do what they want when they want, to having commitments that may not be top of their list of desires. 

Suddenly, you’re there, or your children are there, and it’s just not ideal for the narcissist to be spreading themselves out to other people quite this way. They want freedom, not responsibility.

Getting married or having kids is a real ego check for those who have lived selfishly over the years.

Suddenly, there are other people to consider, which, if you’re in love and looking to start a family and build a life with them, then great.

If not – it becomes not all about them. 

It’s hard to think the person you love would act that way. All you want is that family unit.

Special, meaningful, and hopefully one that lasts a lifetime. Instead, you met the narcissist – the person who promised all of this without having any ounce of follow through in their bones.

#4 Emotional Needs 

What a buzzkill, right? You had all these high hopes for that someone special meeting all your needs and connecting with you emotionally.

You’d not be wrong for wanting those things, I find them fundamental for any relationship you want to last. 

But with a narcissist, it’s just not possible. Emotions are not possible. Love is not possible.

Promises? Yes. They’re entirely possible But you can’t base your future on words.

You have to feel, explore, be open, allow honesty, and without any of that, no emotions are going to be embedded into you both.

It can be very one-sided, can’t it?

#5 Control Without Obligation

They want the control, they just don’t want the responsibility.

Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? It’s the truth when it comes to the choices men make that pulls them away from fatherhood or being a husband.

The control is something they always want to have tightly gripped in their hands, yet there is so much to both roles that means they actually need to step up.

And as you may or may not know – narcissists can’t step up. They could if they want to, and be the person other people expect of them – but that takes away their ability to control both the narrative, and the family dynamics. 

So, if they can help it, they say no to it all. 

If you’re going to show up, you’ve got to show up in all the ways, right? You’ve got to be that emotional support, put others first sometimes, and nurture what you create. 

That’s why the only narcissistic fathers and husbands you see are terrible. 

#6 Married to Themselves First

You can’t expect to be married to somebody who only knows how to be married to themselves.

The idea that they are only interested in serving their own life should be enough to deter you from wanting to try to share yours with them. 

And I will add to this – if you end up marrying a narcissist and becoming a parent with them, nothing will change.

Any decision they make will only be to suit them. You and your children will always come further down on the list, and while they may not come right out and say it, you will always be unfortunate enough to experience what that feels like through how they treat you…

…And how they disrespect you. 

Doesn’t sound like much fun at all, does it?

DO THIS To Get Under The Skin Of a Narcissist

Have you ever wanted to get under a narcissist’s skin? Let me tell you, it’s easier than you think!

Narcissists thrive on control and being admired, but there are ways to break through their seemingly tough exterior. 

It’s actually pretty weak!

The key is understanding their weaknesses. Their fragile egos and need for validation lead to a huge fear of being exposed. 

Therefore, using the right tactics can disrupt their game and leave you to take back your power.

Ready to flip the script and watch them squirm?

#1 The Art of Staying Calm

While narcissists think the way to get somebody’s attention is to speak loudly and intimidate them – there’s a lot to be said for remaining calm and collected. Some might say there is an art to it.

Think about it. An argument begins, and you know it has nothing to do with you.

The narcissist entered the room in a certain mood, and was intent on creating noise and drama.

It goes against everything you believe in, yet there you are, experiencing it. 

What choice do you have?

Well, a lot, actually. You have a lot of choices. You can continue to play along and match the pitch. You can cry and allow them to see you being mentally drained before their eyes.

Or…

You can stay calm and let them rage and shout, knowing it has nothing to do with you. Yes, you’re the target, and nobody wants to be.

But…

You’re not the one who has to respond. Nobody does. 

Staying calm throws the narcissist into unfamiliar waters because they’re used to you acting differently.

They don’t have anything to bounce off, like they usually would. Your calm aura is like a door closing on them, and it really gets under their skin. 

Okay.

Uh-huh.

I hear you.

I’m listening, but I will not shout back at you.

I would really appreciate it if you could understand your shouting is not getting us anywhere. 

Staying calm like this is going to shut the narcissist down and pertain to the idea that noise and anger won’t get anybody anywhere.

Once they know they can’t rile you, the annoyance will lie in the new understanding that they can’t gain any supply from you this way. 

#2 Be Firm!

Well, no narcissists like firmness. 

Firmness usually means you have boundaries, and boundaries are something all narcissists hate. They can’t stand to be told which side of the line to stand.

They hate even knowing there is a line in the first place!

When somebody so toxic has been used to walking all over you, it will be a shock to them when you suddenly develop assertiveness.

You will be met with resistance when you lay down what you will no longer put up with. Remember, the narcissist is used to knowing a certain version of you. The version that says yes instead of no.

When you stop with one, and start with the other – you’re going to get right under their skin!

#3 Ignore Them: Refusing To Hand Over Supply

I don’t want you to think that ignoring them is the same as giving them the silent treatment. I don’t believe in treating toxic behavior with equal toxicity – because two wrongs don’t make a right. 

However…

Silence where noise once rested is a way of retaining dignity and class, which may previously have been reverted to supply for them regarding your emotions. 

#4 Stand in Your Truth

There’s really no better place to stand. In your truth, everything makes sense. It’s where you can stand, knowing you are giving it your all and believing in yourself fully. 

It’s where confidence starts to grow and you’ll find a more assertive version of yourself. 

For that very reason, standing in your truth even though the narcissist is trying hard to pull you out of it, is crucial.

#5 Grey Rock 

Have you ever heard of Grey Rock? I am sure by now that so many of you will know what I mean by it, but just in case, let’s get a briefing!

Grey rock is nothing. It means to give the narcissist as little, if anything at all, as possible. You hear them, and you want to respond, but instead, you choose to say, “Okay,” “Sure,” “Uh-huh.”

Your face is calm and emotionless, and there isn’t an ounce of feeling in your voice. 

Giving the narcissist the proverbial grey rock is how you retain your power and give them absolutely nothing to feed from.

Will they like it?

Absolutely not!

But the more you exude it, the smaller they will feel. 

For too long, the narcissist has provoked and triggered you.

It’s time for all of that to stop.

#6 Call Them Out – and Mean it

Hey. What you did back there was wrong. 

Do you realize how you treated that person? You act like you don’t even care.

It was your fault we were late. Even though you had the time written down, you still got here after everybody else. 

You’re trying to be mean to me, but it just won’t work. 

I see what you’re doing, and I want you to know that I don’t fall for it.

Anything where you can throw some assertive statements into the mix without getting sucked into an argument, you should be able to do.

Getting under the skin of a narcissist is how you make what they’re doing almost seem like something to belittle. Narcissists hate being caught out and hate being embarrassed even more!

#7 Start to Thrive Away From Them

If there’s one thing guaranteed to annoy a narcissist – it’s your independence. 

Oh, you’re going out?

Actually, yes I am. I am going out in this outfit, and I look fantastic. You aren’t going to stop me. 

Are you applying for that job? Isn’t it a little out of your reach?

Yes, I am applying for it because, guess what, I am qualified and skilled, and I want to get it.

Thrive. Don’t just thrive a little; thrive like you mean it!

#8 Play By Your Own Rules

It’s probably been a long time since you’ve picked up your copy of the rulebook, but it’s still there.

It may be a little dusty, but now you get to dampen it down and start acting as if you are the main character of your own life. 

Don’t ever let anybody, least of all a narcissist, dictate to you. 

Your rules equate to what you want from life and how you want to go out and fight for it all. 

This is not up for debate!