Listen, I know you want a different end to your story. The love you felt for the narcissist may have been or felt real, but in reality, it wasn’t reciprocated.
And I know. They told you they loved you. They told you they couldn’t imagine being without you. But as far as the narcissist is concerned, these are just words.
And words hurt eventually when you want them to be true, but they have no way to be.
Let’s look at these 6 questions that proved the narcissist never loved you, because you deserve to heal from it.
Proof Needed – When Needed
Looking for proof usually helps us see situations for what they really are rather than what we want them to be.
Love is such a powerful concept, and it also sadly sometimes prevents us from seeing people authentically, rather than the narrative we build for them in our minds.
When mistreated, it’s important to sieve through the little snippets of affection and get to the real person underneath.
Who are they?
What do they want from you?
Why are they so insistent on making you think they love you, even though they don’t?
Well, there are answers, that’s for sure.
#1 “Love” you when you served a purpose?
You really did serve a purpose, didn’t you?
Are you aware of what that could mean?
Purposes are uses, and every person in a narcissist’s life serves as being useful, no matter how big or small that may be.
Imagine you are financially independent. You have your own place, car, job and life.
Now the narcissist comes along, and needs a place to stay. They’ve been sofa surfing for 6 months since their last relationship ended, and they’re running out of options.
They see you.
Jackpot.
Suddenly, they love you, they’ve never met anybody like you. You’re the best thing that’s happened to them. They want to grow old with you.
And for you? This is fantastic! You can’t believe your luck. Finally, you’ve met your soulmate; your ‘meant to be’ person.
Except, you’re just serving a purpose. You’re giving them a roof over their heads, and eventually, you will see the real person behind that mask of romance.
They only wanted you for one thing.
#2 Did they mirror your personality initially, only to later devalue it?
Mirroring is one of the biggest red flags you can notice about a person when you first meet, and let me tell you, many people choose to ignore it.
I urge you to take note here, because this could save you a lot of pain and suffering.
Mirroring is not just somebody who likes to copy one thing about you. Mirroring is everything.
It can be subtle. They love the music you love, they love the vacation spots you love.
Their fears are the same as yours because, “Oh my God, that happened to me, too.” When you laugh and throw your head back, they watch and copy you to the slightest move.
Everything is me too.
And then what? Suddenly your fears, the way you move, the way you laugh – it’s all ridiculous.
You’re wasting your time, you’re never going to get anywhere in life, you sound like a child when you laugh, the band you like sucks.
Don’t ignore this. This is a way to reel you in and then spit you out – and it isn’t love.
#3 Did they sabotage your confidence instead of building it up?
What a way to prove they don’t care!
I don’t even have the urge to slash my biggest enemy’s confidence, let alone the people I love or are about.
And that’s the difference, isn’t it? Narcissist’s have zero conscience, so you’re never going to see them doing it to genuinely loved people – because nobody is ever genuinely loved.
You have to judge people based on how they treat you, not what they tell you.
Words are so easy, I could tell anybody right now that I love them, but it’s how you show it that matters.
Stripping confidence away is not love, it is pure hate. It’s jealousy. It’s childish. It’s unfair. It’s soul-destroying.
It’s abusive.
#4 Did they use your vulnerabilities against you?
I bet they did, and I bet they have absolutely no bother at all that this is how they chose to treat you.
One minute they’ve got an arm around you, trying to tell you that it’s okay, and the next, they’re losing their patience with you and telling you what a burden you are.
Why do you always have to do this?
Why are you always holding me back?
Why are you so weak against everything that you should be fighting?
What a way to make you feel better, right?
It’s unfair, and unjust.
But that’s how the narcissist operates.
And no, it isn’t love.
It’s cruel and unnecessary.
#5 Were You Always Anxious About Their Moods or Getting Their Approval?
I’m probably going to guess that you were, and I want you to know that this is pretty normal where victims of narcissistic abuse are concerned.
Narcissists make you anxious. They don’t try to take it away, or reassure you in any way at all. Wouldn’t it be great if they did? I mean – that’s what people in love should aim to do.
I love you, and I want to help your anxiety by being there for you, and showing you that love is not what you do for me, but how we lift each other.
The world would be such a beautiful palace if that’s how we all viewed the concept.
I wish narcissists would see it that way, but if they did, they wouldn’t be narcissists.
Narcissists’ moods can be so jumpy. One minute, they’re seemingly fine, the next, they’re stone silent. Then they’re raging at you, then they’re dropping the biggest love-bomb at your feet.
It’s no wonder you can never keep up and you feel like you’re free falling into a pit of anxiety all the time.
#6 Did the Narcissist Ever Take Accountability for Their Toxicity?
Behavior says a lot about a person – it is a person. It makes them who they are, and it can’t be ignored.
If you’re looking for all the proof that the narcissist never loved you, think about their behavior toward you. I don’t just mean one time, I mean collate all the time in your head.
What comes out on top?
I bet you tried to put the few good moments they gave you up there, but I’m here to remind you that fragments don’t equate to much in the long run.
You have to stop running them up in your estimations and instead see them for who they are.
And yes – it hurts to realize the truth. But narcissists never take accountability for their toxic behavior.
The way they treated you, the things they said, the multiple way they hurt you – it’s all evidence that you were not cared for or loved.
Not even in the slightest.
So the next time you feel guilty about the way things ended between you both – you’ve got to think of it this way:
They don’t care, and they never did.
