Listen, I know you want a different end to your story. The love you felt for the narcissist may have been or felt real, but in reality, it wasn’t reciprocated.

And I know. They told you they loved you. They told you they couldn’t imagine being without you. But as far as the narcissist is concerned, these are just words.

And words hurt eventually when you want them to be true, but they have no way to be.

Let’s look at these 6 questions that proved the narcissist never loved you, because you deserve to heal from it.

Proof Needed – When Needed

Looking for proof usually helps us see situations for what they really are rather than what we want them to be.

Love is such a powerful concept, and it also sadly sometimes prevents us from seeing people authentically, rather than the narrative we build for them in our minds. 

When mistreated, it’s important to sieve through the little snippets of affection and get to the real person underneath.

Who are they?

What do they want from you?

Why are they so insistent on making you think they love you, even though they don’t?

Well, there are answers, that’s for sure. 

#1 “Love” you when you served a purpose?

You really did serve a purpose, didn’t you?

Are you aware of what that could mean?

Purposes are uses, and every person in a narcissist’s life serves as being useful, no matter how big or small that may be. 

Imagine you are financially independent. You have your own place, car, job and life.

Now the narcissist comes along, and needs a place to stay. They’ve been sofa surfing for 6 months since their last relationship ended, and they’re running out of options. 

They see you.

Jackpot.

Suddenly, they love you, they’ve never met anybody like you. You’re the best thing that’s happened to them. They want to grow old with you.

And for you? This is fantastic! You can’t believe your luck. Finally, you’ve met your soulmate; your ‘meant to be’ person. 

Except, you’re just serving a purpose. You’re giving them a roof over their heads, and eventually, you will see the real person behind that mask of romance. 

They only wanted you for one thing. 

#2 Did they mirror your personality initially, only to later devalue it?

Mirroring is one of the biggest red flags you can notice about a person when you first meet, and let me tell you, many people choose to ignore it.

I urge you to take note here, because this could save you a lot of pain and suffering. 

Mirroring is not just somebody who likes to copy one thing about you. Mirroring is everything.

It can be subtle. They love the music you love, they love the vacation spots you love.

Their fears are the same as yours because, “Oh my God, that happened to me, too.” When you laugh and throw your head back, they watch and copy you to the slightest move.

Everything is me too. 

And then what? Suddenly your fears, the way you move, the way you laugh – it’s all ridiculous.

You’re wasting your time, you’re never going to get anywhere in life, you sound like a child when you laugh, the band you like sucks. 

Don’t ignore this. This is a way to reel you in and then spit you out – and it isn’t love. 

#3 Did they sabotage your confidence instead of building it up?

What a way to prove they don’t care!

I don’t even have the urge to slash my biggest enemy’s confidence, let alone the people I love or are about.

And that’s the difference, isn’t it? Narcissist’s have zero conscience, so you’re never going to see them doing it to genuinely loved people – because nobody is ever genuinely loved. 

You have to judge people based on how they treat you, not what they tell you.

Words are so easy, I could tell anybody right now that I love them, but it’s how you show it that matters. 

Stripping confidence away is not love, it is pure hate. It’s jealousy. It’s childish. It’s unfair. It’s soul-destroying.

It’s abusive. 

#4 Did they use your vulnerabilities against you?

I bet they did, and I bet they have absolutely no bother at all that this is how they chose to treat you. 

One minute they’ve got an arm around you, trying to tell you that it’s okay, and the next, they’re losing their patience with you and telling you what a burden you are. 

Why do you always have to do this?

Why are you always holding me back?

Why are you so weak against everything that you should be fighting?

What a way to make you feel better, right?

It’s unfair, and unjust.

But that’s how the narcissist operates.

And no, it isn’t love.

It’s cruel and unnecessary. 

#5 Were You Always Anxious About Their Moods or Getting Their Approval?

I’m probably going to guess that you were, and I want you to know that this is pretty normal where victims of narcissistic abuse are concerned. 

Narcissists make you anxious. They don’t try to take it away, or reassure you in any way at all. Wouldn’t it be great if they did? I mean – that’s what people in love should aim to do.

I love you, and I want to help your anxiety by being there for you, and showing you that love is not what you do for me, but how we lift each other.

The world would be such a beautiful palace if that’s how we all viewed the concept. 

I wish narcissists would see it that way, but if they did, they wouldn’t be narcissists. 

Narcissists’ moods can be so jumpy. One minute, they’re seemingly fine, the next, they’re stone silent. Then they’re raging at you, then they’re dropping the biggest love-bomb at your feet.

It’s no wonder you can never keep up and you feel like you’re free falling into a pit of anxiety all the time. 

#6 Did the Narcissist Ever Take Accountability for Their Toxicity?

Behavior says a lot about a person – it is a person. It makes them who they are, and it can’t be ignored. 

If you’re looking for all the proof that the narcissist never loved you, think about their behavior toward you. I don’t just mean one time, I mean collate all the time in your head.

What comes out on top?

I bet you tried to put the few good moments they gave you up there, but I’m here to remind you that fragments don’t equate to much in the long run.

You have to stop running them up in your estimations and instead see them for who they are. 

And yes – it hurts to realize the truth. But narcissists never take accountability for their toxic behavior.

The way they treated you, the things they said, the multiple way they hurt you – it’s all evidence that you were not cared for or loved.

Not even in the slightest. 

So the next time you feel guilty about the way things ended between you both – you’ve got to think of it this way:

They don’t care, and they never did. 

What Narcissists Really Think About You?

You should never sit in the seat of certainty when it comes to any narcissist.

You will never be there for long, because you were instead destined for confusion.

Narcissists think and act differently, depending on their mood that day. If they feel like it, they will be nice.

If they’re nice, it’ll be because they want something from you.

If they’re not nice, it’s because they need your supply. They like to see you suffer.

Knowing what they really think about you will give you an idea of their true character…

…And it’s not good.

You Think You Know Them?

Nobody ever really knows the narcissist. The only person who knows them is them. 

I don’t think it’s ever really wise to assume you know everything there is to know about somebody so toxic.

After all, they love to change the goalposts so much that as soon as you feel you have them pegged, they change and shift the tides to suit themselves.

The same can be said for what they really think about you.

Living Your Best Life, Until…

They come along!

It’s the same with all narcissists. You’re happy until you realize what you’ve gotten yourself into. 

Isn’t it a shame to think that the narcissist, somebody who claims to have your best interests at heart, treats you the way they do?

How can somebody who says such loving things never ever prove that love in any healthy way at all?

Underneath Their Act Lies Jealousy

It’s okay to be a little envious in life. It’s a natural response to somebody having what you would love to have.

For example, your friend could have bought themselves a new holiday cabin with a view.

Darn. I would love that. I am so envious you get to go there!

That’s where it ends, though, right?

I mean – you have a choice. You can work hard to earn the money for one. You can ask to stay there if you paid your way for the week.

Narcissists don’t get envious – they rage with jealousy.

They detest all the good in the lives of others and will resent you for what you have.

Is that normal?

Nope!

Is that right?

Absolutely not!

“Look At You, All Happy. That’ll Have To Stop…”

They hate your happiness. It acts like a plague on them. They want to cut it off as quickly as they can, so they’ll do what it takes to ensure any joy is fleeting.

How dare they smile and have things go their way?!

The confusing part for you is that you think they love you. You automatically think they’ll be happy when you receive good news, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. 

Any happiness is bound to come from something or somebody other than them. That’s a major threat. How could you allow that?!

Derailing your happiness can take various forms: mocking you until you stop, criticizing you until you no longer believe in yourself, or shaming you until guilt about your own happiness eats you up. 

I could go on forever. 

Imagine being around somebody who loathes seeing you content that much.

“I Can Get Away With Anything!”

Forgiveness is an act undertaken by people who can see the bigger picture. They want peace and understand that people make mistakes. 

Asking for forgiveness can alter how you view your mistakes if that forgiveness is going to be abused later on. 

Those who are genuine in being sorry know they will not repeat what they did to hurt the other person. That’s how it generally goes, right?

Narcissists don’t care. They truly don’t. They will repeatedly offend, time and time again. 

They know they’ve got several love-bombing tricks up their sleeves that have proven very efficient so far. 

There’s no reason why those things won’t work all over again.

And you know what? All the while you continue to forgive, they will continue to offend. 

They Don’t Love You

I know it’s a tough pill to swallow. Knowing you aren’t loved takes a lot of hard work because, for the most part, you feel in complete denial. 

Of course, they love me. They tell me they do.

I know they love me. They wouldn’t have taken me on that expensive trip if they didn’t. 

You learn the value of love to only be at the currency the narcissist sets.

Love isn’t a currency. It doesn’t ebb or flow. It remains. 

I know it’s hard to admit to be true. All that emotional work you put into the relationship. All the ways you were vulnerable and shared your life with them. 

I speak truthfully when I tell you it was all a ploy to get you to play their game. 

Threatened By Your Success…

If a narcissist sees your success, they’re going to want and need to put a stop to it immediately. 

Your success can be compared to a competition you don’t even realize you’re in.

You’re exceeding, and the judges have their eye on you. Only the narcissist is also taking part, and the judges aren’t even looking their way at all. 

The anger. The resentment. The envy. It will all spill over the surface.

So, what does the narcissist do? When nobody is watching, they will sabotage what you are making or creating so that you fall down in the competition rankings.

They may even steal what you have and use it for themselves.

That’ll get them noticed!

They can’t stand to see you getting the attention. To them, you don’t deserve happiness because it isn’t something they’re personally gaining for themselves. 

What a dangerous and toxic trait to have, right?

Well… welcome to the world of narcissists.

…Pleased When You Fail!

The party poppers would be popping constantly if the narcissist had their way. When you fail, it’s not something they necessarily or overtly laugh about (although that can happen).

Instead, they will quietly smirk in the corner of a darkened room. They don’t want others to see their joy, but that won’t stop them from feeling it.

You’d think somebody who claimed to care about you would be falling over themselves with concern if you are down, sad, failing, or having a terrible day.

Nope.

Narcissists love it. They love seeing you fall because when you do, you land at the bottom of the heap, exactly where the narcissist resides. 

Knowing they have company makes them feel better, and seeing your misery or disappointment will ensure a huge grin is plastered all over their faces—difficult to wipe off.