Hey, would you mind just…?
Oh, can you help me…?
I need you to…
The favors narcissists ask are not the favors you are going to assume you have the right to reject automatically.
Narcissists expect. They want. They feel they are owed.
By you.
When favors come knocking at your door, there isn’t going to be much you can do to say no, without the guilt trip.
You all know what I’m talking about. I’ve got 6 favors right here that are great examples.
Good Old You!
I don’t want ‘good old you’ to sound anything other than how they view you.
You’re good for something – and that’s being on the other end of the phone when they need you.
Day or night, morning or evening they’re right there, asking of you.
Your main concern is that you don’t want to let anybody down, so naturally you want to jump right in and come to their rescue – no matter what it is you’re asked to help them with.
Depending on You: What is This?
Narcissists purposely want something from you so that you feel needed and wanted by them. It reinforces this idea in your mind that you’re worthy to them.
So, what does that do?
Well, it means you feel worthy but only when you’re doing something useful to make them happy.
Your happiness does not depend on how much you’re worth to them at that moment.
This intermittent reinforcement means you go back to them when things turn toxic, because you’re looking for that next high.
Rather than walk away because you created your worth, you stay because the narcissist created it.
Because they know that – they learn that it’s a good idea to depend on you and to ask you for favors.
And of course – you’re kind – so you say yes!
Narcissists and Favors: 6 They Expect From You
Knowing the kinds of favors a narcissist automatically thinks you come to the relationship with is key. If you can adhere, you can stay (according to them, of course!)
#1 To Make Excuses For Them
From the moment you meet the narcissist, you are not a person to them. You are a commodity. They may as well stamp your rear with a number, and put you on to a field for grazing.
You’re there to make them look better wherever possible, and that you will be programmed to do. If they need to get out of something, or if they’re being blamed in any way, you’ll be there taking the flack.
Hey, nobody said it was going to be easy or fair.
#2 To Accompany Them Somewhere
If they have to go somewhere important, narcissists will need somebody hanging off their arm. The more attractive you look, the better. In return for agreeing to go, they will throw money at your feet and tell you to get the best outfit you can find.
This favor is asked of you to make them look good. Look how well you look. Look how looked after and cared for you are.
Nobody will have the time or chance to suspect that underneath the mask the narcissists put on you, is somebody vulnerable and abused.
There are so many layers to this favor, that most people simply can’t see them at all. Especially if you get to be treated to some new clothes. There is an element of being blindsided by the truth, and using glitter and sparkle as a way of distracting you from what’s really going on.
#3 For You to Look After Something
If you’re good enough, you will be used.
Can you look after this for me?
It will clog up your house or drive and remain there for weeks, even months.
If it’s not an item, it’ll be a person, perhaps a child.
Will you have Tom this weekend? I have a really important work thing.
Is there any chance you can have Grace tomorrow? I have had so much work come in.
Of course, you don’t want to let anybody down, so you’ve obliged in the past. But these favors are now becoming increasingly frequent, and you’ve had enough of them.
The moment you say no, you’re discarded. You’re not needed, because, well, how dare you disappoint the narcissist? What could you be doing that’s more important than helping them in their latest crisis?
#4 To Compliment Them
Love me!
Tell me how great I am!
Tell me how much I mean to you!
Compliment what I’m wearing.
Tell me how you love my car, or my house, or my … ANYTHING!
If you aren’t complimenting a narcissist, in their eyes, you’re ‘neglecting’ them!
Telling them how amazing they are is something they want you to automatically do, because they give you so many reasons to say those things. They’re constantly trying to impress other people without actually admitting they’re doing so.
Needing that constant praise is, other than treating you terribly, is the only thing that keeps supply coming their way.
Narcissists offering all these impressive traits or shiny material goods for people to gasp at is how they survive.
To them, nothing else matters.
#5 For You to Keep Quiet
It’s your job and duty to keep quiet about everything that goes on between you both.
That’s not to say you can’t tell everybody al the great things they do. If it’s good, you should spread that news like wildfire. If it’s bad?
You need to keep quiet.
Our business is our business.
Nobody needs to know.
Don’t go spreading our private business around town.
People will see you as a gossip.
Oh yes – it will even be your fault if you dare tell people what the narcissist does when things aren’t going well.
You’d be surprised how many people fall into this trap, and stay silent about their abuse for many years.
#6 To Not Spend Too Much Money
Listen, it’s not your money to spend. Even if you warn it, you need to be holding onto it.
Narcissists are obsessed with money. They want it, and will show it off when the right moment arises.
If it doesn’t, you’re to hold onto it. Don’t throw it at meaningless things.
Be sensible with it.
Bills have to be paid.
In other words – you cannot look as flashy and expensive as the narcissist because you can bet they’re spending their money on whatever they want.
This double standard is common in any relationship with a narcissist. They will tell you things you can’t do while they live the exact life they want to live.
