You want a happy ending, with the man of your dreams.
Only something seems to be holding them back, and you are sensing a lost opportunity for you to that happy ending.
Why should you sacrifice your dreams for somebody who isn’t meeting you on the plains of love and commitment?
Probably because he’s a narcissist – and here are 9 excuses he will give you to not be a husband or father.
What You Want? Doesn’t Matter!
If I could offer you one tip before we even delve into this topic, it’s this:
What you want doesn’t matter.
I mean, I know it matters to you, but it doesn’t matter to the narcissist. So if you’re dreaming about getting married, having kids and living happily ever after, I think you can safely say goodbye to that idea if you’re with a narcissist.
As much as they will promise you the moon and stars, they will rarely deliver.
If the tiny chance occurs that they do – it’s going to be far from the dream family life you had painted in your head.
Being somebody’s husband or father should be a privilege; something you cherish and value more than anything.
It’s the core of what it is to be human. Sharing your life, connecting, reproducing, and loving the family unit you create.
It’s just a shame you will never get that same view from a narcissist.
#1 Too Much Responsibility, Not Enough Praise
The second you have a child, life isn’t about you. And I get the irony in that, because you actually have to put yourself first, but not in a narcissistic way.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. So your wellbeing, your sleep, your diet – it all has to matter for everything else to matter and work out.
Having said that, both parents need to raise that child with love, forgiveness, adoration and kindness.
Have you ever seen a narcissist praise anybody, even a child? If you have, it’s likely been because there was some kind of an audience. Let me tell you, they do not give away compliments for free.
Instead, they look for praise.
What a great father you are.
Your child is so lucky to have you as their dad!
You’re doing such an amazing job!
If those phrases aren’t flowing, the narcissistic father will lose his mind.
Plus – think of all that responsibility! For once, it’s not about them!
The very same applies to those who are husbands. Suddenly, they’re not sailing their own boat, they’re sharing one with somebody else.
That’s half the attention – and that won’t do.
#2 All Eyes Off Them? No Thanks
Which leads me to point 2!
If the eyes of others are not on the narcissist, they’re going to have a problem with that. And it will be a big one.
I still can’t believe I say this when I say it but, narcissists even get jealous of their own kids.
I wonder if that’s a position you’ve had to be put through before. Your own father dislikes you because you succeeded, or you did something well, or you are simply a joyous person who radiates a room and attracts people to you.
And if you’re married to a narcissist, the same thing applies. You do well, you’re liked, you’re kind and loving.
Big ‘oh no.’
I know that’s what they like about you, but they only like it because they know you’re more likely to forgive, manipulate and forget.
Just remember – narcissistic men do not make good husbands or fathers for that reason, so it’s a blessing in disguise if they don’t want to commit to any one of those roles.
Run, and move on!
#3 Commitment Crashes the Ego Party
The narcissist goes from being able to do what they want when they want, to having commitments that may not be top of their list of desires.
Suddenly, you’re there, or your children are there, and it’s just not ideal for the narcissist to be spreading themselves out to other people quite this way. They want freedom, not responsibility.
Getting married or having kids is a real ego check for those who have lived selfishly over the years.
Suddenly, there are other people to consider, which, if you’re in love and looking to start a family and build a life with them, then great.
If not – it becomes not all about them.
It’s hard to think the person you love would act that way. All you want is that family unit.
Special, meaningful, and hopefully one that lasts a lifetime. Instead, you met the narcissist – the person who promised all of this without having any ounce of follow through in their bones.
#4 Emotional Needs
What a buzzkill, right? You had all these high hopes for that someone special meeting all your needs and connecting with you emotionally.
You’d not be wrong for wanting those things, I find them fundamental for any relationship you want to last.
But with a narcissist, it’s just not possible. Emotions are not possible. Love is not possible.
Promises? Yes. They’re entirely possible But you can’t base your future on words.
You have to feel, explore, be open, allow honesty, and without any of that, no emotions are going to be embedded into you both.
It can be very one-sided, can’t it?
#5 Control Without Obligation
They want the control, they just don’t want the responsibility.
Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? It’s the truth when it comes to the choices men make that pulls them away from fatherhood or being a husband.
The control is something they always want to have tightly gripped in their hands, yet there is so much to both roles that means they actually need to step up.
And as you may or may not know – narcissists can’t step up. They could if they want to, and be the person other people expect of them – but that takes away their ability to control both the narrative, and the family dynamics.
So, if they can help it, they say no to it all.
If you’re going to show up, you’ve got to show up in all the ways, right? You’ve got to be that emotional support, put others first sometimes, and nurture what you create.
That’s why the only narcissistic fathers and husbands you see are terrible.
#6 Married to Themselves First
You can’t expect to be married to somebody who only knows how to be married to themselves.
The idea that they are only interested in serving their own life should be enough to deter you from wanting to try to share yours with them.
And I will add to this – if you end up marrying a narcissist and becoming a parent with them, nothing will change.
Any decision they make will only be to suit them. You and your children will always come further down on the list, and while they may not come right out and say it, you will always be unfortunate enough to experience what that feels like through how they treat you…
…And how they disrespect you.
Doesn’t sound like much fun at all, does it?
