Oh, is the narcissist being nice? What a turn up for the books! No, you’re not losing your mind, they really are being sickly sweet.
So what’s the catch? In this instance, it’s a major one, as they signal through backward compliments that they’re about to dump you.
I’ve always said, never trust anything that comes out of their mouth. It’s all lies, and every word leads to a motive that doesn’t serve you positively.
Just when you thought they were starting to be nice…
Compliments Lead To Endings
Just when you thought things were feeling good, I get it. It’s the same story for many, I repeat many of you.
Survivors in general base a lot of their patience around a narcissist on holding onto hope.
Hope that niceness can just mean niceness. No agenda. No hidden motive. No ifs or buts. Just being nice. I mean, would it be so terrible of them to grant you this?
Endings are always disguised before they arrive. Narcissists very much don’t want you to notice them.
If you did, you might be able to somehow get there first, right? You realize you’re about to be dumped, so you do the dumping and leave them.
It can’t happen that way because all that does for them is highlight their deepest fear – that they’re about to be abandoned. Huge no for them. So? They pull the strings instead.
If there are certain compliments coming through, you can bet this is them lining you up for that ultimate end.
#1 “You’ve Changed A Lot Lately”
Woah there, my friend. Changed? What’s going on here?
The narcissist is hinting to you that you’ve changed, and I don’t know your situation.
Maybe you have. Maybe what’s changed is that you’re less tolerable of their lies and abuse.
You’re starting to speak up for yourself, and defend yourself. You’re tired of always feeling as though you’re doing something wrong when in fact it’s in all your energy just to get through the day.
Or…
Maybe you haven’t changed. And maybe that’s the gaslight being switched on.
They want you to think something’s up with you, so you question yourself unnecessarily and go there emotionally.
You overthink, you apologize, you try to do better. When what? What is better? It’s a ridiculous concept when all you’ve been doing up until now is your damn best.
And it’s never good enough.
Narcissists say this kind of thing to line up their future disappointment in you.
The two of you no longer align, so you must part ways. Which we know is utter shit, but they do it anyway to justify that separation.
#2 “You’ll Get On Fine Without Me”
This is probably one of the most cruel compliments. Think about it for a moment.
Ever since you’ve known the narcissist, they’ve taught you that you wouldn’t be able to get by without them.
They’ve isolated you, taken away all your confidence, left you feeling like you have no self-esteem, and potentially even taken control of your finances, telling you that you couldn’t even cope with a job.
And now? Now they’re telling you that you would be fine without them. They want to spin it like it’s a compliment, but the thought of it alone sends shivers of dread down your spine.
Like I said, it’s cruel. No victim should be treated in such a hot and cold way as it really plays with the mind.
#3 “You Deserve So Much Better”
I know that, and I think deep down you do, too. Deserving better is something the narcissist has denied throughout your time together, so it may come as a surprise, even shock to hear them suddenly flip that phrase.
It sounds like a compliment, but it’s more like a pretty big sign that you’re being lined up to be taken out.
Being dumped is rarely a sudden act by them, instead meticulously planned and executed to perfection.
This is one way of doing it, but again, it’s going to make you worry. You won’t feel like you deserve better, you’ll just be told that.
By the way, this is probably one of the only times the narcissist is actually going to be right. Of course you deserve better!
#4 “You’re So Much More Independent Now”
Oh, I’m sorry. Is my independence a problem, no wait, a threat to you? It sure sounds like it!
In truth, you’re unlikely to be feeling or acting independently if you aren’t planning on leaving them, or are aware that they’re a narcissist.
If that’s the case, you’ll hear this compliment like it’s supposed to be a good thing, but will almost panic at the prospect of independence.
#5 “Any Guy Would Be The Luckiest To Have You”
You’ll find it hard to believe when you’ve been so used to hearing, “Nobody else would ever love you.”
It’s hard to think about being with anybody else, let alone them being lucky as a result of having you.
It’s a compliment in the sense that yes, you’re a great person and any guy would be lucky to know you in that way, but the narcissist is almost handing you over to somebody else right now.
They may as well say, “No, you’re good to go now. Go find somebody else who will love and cherish you.” Your self-esteem is so low that you won’t believe it for a second, but that doesn’t mean they are lying.
Sadly, it’s a stark contrast of what you usually hear, so you’re going to feel strange – almost rocked – hearing it.
It is a signal that you’re about to be dumped.
#6 “You’re Just Too Good For Me”
Anybody with half a brain could have told you that, but here we are hearing it from the narcissist for the first time.
And yeah, it’s a signal that something in the air is changing. It might not be the change you think it is.
A part of you might think, “Wow. They are being so nice to me. They are finally seeing my worth and letting me know how important I am to them.”
The fact is, they’re basically saying no, you’re too good. You have to go. It’s a little bit like saying, “You’re too difficult to manipulate, so I am afraid I’m going to have to let you go.”
Whether you’re aware you’re being let go is another thing, but that’s usually what happens when a narcissist starts to throw compliments at you.
They’re buttering you up to try and prepare you for a life without them because they don’t want you clinging to them once it’s fully over.
And you have no idea you just hear the nice words and assume they’re right (even though your confidence in yourself is telling you otherwise).
Can we talk about the content of this compliment though? I mean, you are too good for them.
They’re useless, toxic and cruel. You’re the opposite, which is why you initially met and it worked.
As soon as you’re dumped, it’s the best time for you to dive into what you truly deserve in your life. That’s not the narcissist, that’s for sure!
