What could go wrong in five years? I mean, come on. There has to be some good times during that period if you’re spending it with a narcissist, right?
Technically, I guess you could scatter a few positive moments, but that positivity has very little authenticity about it.
If I were to sum up 5 years with a narcissist for you in just 2 minutes, the ride will take you to hell and back, with the odd bouquet of flowers thrown in between.
Want to know what I mean? Look no further!
Once upon a time…
There was a gorgeous, magnetic, charming specimen of a human being who sauntered toward you in a way you will always recall.
In those first moments, they took your breath away. They had everything you ever wanted all packaged up and sold to you for a reasonable price.
It seemed too good to be true. They threw affection at you, they took you out for the most extravagant meals. They sold you the world and promised to tie a bow around it just for you.
You’d never felt more loved and appreciated, and their love for you came right when you needed it the most.
Everything seemed so perfect, and it truly was.
I mean. If this were a fairytale story, we should be ending it right here, shouldn’t we?
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“And they all lived happily ever a-”
Nope. I just can’t do it. I can’t lie to you.
Then, slowly…
So here’s the reality. Within mere weeks sometimes of knowing the narcissist, that beautiful, perfect, too-good-to-be-true start you had with them will start to crumble.
And it crumbles fast.
Where there was once affection, there’s now resentment.
Where there was once somebody listening to you and all your hopes and dreams, there’s a back facing you, and silence.
Where there was once time for you, to build a relationship and make plans together, there’s now excuses and guilt.
Make it make sense, right? It doesn’t at all. When you go into a relationship with hope and excitement, it will disappear the moment the narcissist decides to start revealing their true selves.
That love you think you feel will be the trauma bond that exists only to keep you together, and be the excuse the narcissist needs when they act inappropriately.
You quickly begin to see no hope where hope once stood. You feel trapped in a situation you could actually leave if it weren’t for all the ways they isolated you and made you fear your own independence.
By then, you’ve already fallen head over heels for them.
You start to feel like you’re falling apart
It’s the first place people look to when they want to know why something happened the way they didn’t want it to.
What did I do so wrong?
Why am I feeling as though I can’t control anything?
Why can’t I just hold my life together?
Where did I go?
What happened to the joy I once had?
These are big questions. But when put together, they make for challenges that really can alter the way you live your life day to day.
Feeling like you’re falling apart will only lead you down a hole of hopelessness where hope once lived, but you’d be surprised how quickly this can affect victims.
It’s fast, and it’s hard to reverse. What you’re left with when the relationship ends is putting the pieces of you back together again.
You’re told it’s your fault
All of this? Because of you? Get real! But before you get real, you’ve got to face the fact that the narcissist is making it about you to take the heat off them.
You’re told everything is your fault. You’re made to feel like you’re the problem. It’s because of you that everything is going wrong. It’s because of you that they’re stressed, tired, frustrated, annoyed.
When you’re convinced you’re the problem, you will spend your life acting that way.
It’s the age old saying of, “If you’re told something often enough, you become that thing you’re told you are.”
It becomes blunt and personal to feel as though you’re constantly at fault and to blame, and it feels unfair.
But what can you do when you’re caught up with a person who is insistent on making every day feel like that for you?
“There’s something wrong with me”
I think that’s the main theme when a relationship starts to negatively twist one way.
It isn’t the case of, I think. It’s more, I know. You’re certain it’s your fault, and you want to make it better.
So you run around, losing yourself even more to a person who disregards you and makes it all about them.
Their refusal to be blamed becomes permission for you to feel like it’s all because of you.
You look at yourself with the same critical eye that the narcissist does. You find fault, you forget who you are or what brought you joy.
Why would anybody give that much time and effort to somebody who is blatantly abusing them?
Because the abuse is so sly and subconscious that it just becomes normal. You don’t see it for the dangerousness it actually is.
Where did you go?
It’s hard to be able to answer that when you’re struggling with so much. Mentally, you’re exhausted.
Physically, you look in the mirror and don’t even know the person staring back at you.
It makes you feel even worse about the situation, and that thread you feel you’re hanging on by gets thinner and thinner.
In truth, you never left yourself. You’ve just been covered up by lies, control and manipulation.
The person you always were was hidden from plain sight because they had too much joy in their hearts, and love to give.
Then, they disappear entirely
As it stands, there will be a time where the narcissist will eventually step away from the relationship.
The discard will cause you to question yourself and your entire future. You relied on them for everything, and believed this was forever.
Now they’re acting like you don’t even exist.
They block you, even ghost you and get on with their lives. They throw you into emotional despair, and the second you feel like you can’t take any more, they swoop in to love-bomb you all over again.
If you’re smart, you’ll say no and walk away.
If you’re clued up, you’ll say no and walk away.
Returning to the scene of the crime leaves you wide open for more abuse.
Where is the end?
The only way this cycle of abuse will end is if you put a stop to it. That can only come from feeling like you deserve a fresh start, and to be with somebody who has the ability to treat you better.
Abuse is never okay, and in five years, your life can go from pretty great to terrible.
Your mental health will suffer. Your loss of identity will be palpable. You will lose yourself to your abuser; a person who doesn’t care at all about you.
So, now it’s time to ask yourself: What will you do to save the next five years?
