Sex is a form of intimacy that allows two people to express how they feel about each other.
It’s an act that connects and fulfills. When two people in a healthy relationship make love, they do so knowing that they want to and because it’s enjoyable.
It’s hardly a surprise that narcissists just can’t connect with anybody. They’re never fulfilled and don’t know how to express themselves.
Extending that lack of surprise, only one thing can come from this, and that’s narcissists and their weird sexual habits.
You think you know everything, and then they go and place their abusive cards on an act that’s personal and meaningful to you.
So… What are those weird habits?
Sex and You
Sex is a part of life that two consenting adults enjoy. Love, lust, or fun, as long as you’re safe and responsible, and all parties are happy – you’re good to go.
When you view sex, you might view it differently from your friends or family, but in general, it has to be something that you want to do with somebody you want to do it with.
Have I summed it up well enough?
Sex and the Narcissist
Okay. Here’s where things change.
For the narcissist, sex isn’t like that at all. Sex needs to be a way they express themselves, sure. But it’s shallow, and purposely kept so.
Why?
Because narcissists are shallow!
Intimacy? Run!
5 Sexual Habits You Will Find Totally Weird
#1 Wanting Sex After a Fight
Wanting sex after a fight. Forgive me for getting really personal, but I am about to…
Fights, and I mean real conflict, are the worst. In my eyes, they’re unnecessary.
It’s like a game of who can shout the loudest or who can make the other feel the word.
I completely understand disagreements and even arguments now and then. It’s how couples can learn about each other and move forward so they don’t continue or happen again.
Fights with narcissists are a different ball game. They will pick and poke and provoke you until there are fireworks.
Because narcissists don’t feel the way you or I do, they can switch from one emotion to the next in the blink of an eye. The exhaustion after a fight usually leans to the desire for a little peace and reflection.
Well, we all know narcissists cannot reflect, so why would they do so after a fight?
Wanting sex after a fight has a few different advantages to the narcissist.
- Pushing your buttons is a physical and intense way of you forgetting anything they said or did to upset you.
- This aims to be the forgiveness they require from you.
- Closeness is something you love, and the intimacy of sex is enjoyable. You love the narcissist, and you live and long for the fragments of time where you feel truly connected.
- Narcissists can be passionate people. They know exactly what to do to get you to feel amazing.
- They’re so shallow that they assume a little bit of sex will paper the cracks.
#2 Avoidance
Sex can also be something that narcissists avoid. It sounds completely contradictory from my first point, but real sex that brings two people in love together is not something they know how to execute – so they avoid it altogether.
Sex after a fight is about passion, but every feeling or urge to want to sleep with the person you love and adore isn’t something they fully know how to do. They can’t love, so how do you expect them to express love?
The most intimate way you can be with someone is where your bodies are pressed against each other, and you are vulnerable to letting yourself go.
Vulnerability isn’t something a narcissist knows how to be, nor do they wish to be so.
#3 Sexual Positions – Do You Get A Say?!
Sex is all about experimenting with the different ways you can create that bond of two people becoming one in a moment of love and lust. It’s normal to try out different positions.
Some may work for you, but others may not. The main thing is that you get some kind of say in the matter, right? Especially as your presence equates to 50% of the action!
Narcissists don’t care what you think or want. They will use their obsessive need to be in control sexually by being the dominant one. Heck, they may even make jokes about it, and you might be convinced to love the fact that they ‘take the lead.’
Let me tell you, taking the lead has nothing to do with you being tossed about like a ragdoll while they do what they want to have their own way.
Sex is fun, and yes, that will be the spin they give you as they order you around, telling you where to be.
But what if those positions do nothing for you? What if in some way or another, they’re uncomfortable? What if you really don’t feel connected to them, and just feel like you’re there for their pleasure only?
It’s certainly weird when a narcissist demands they take control, but it’s hardly surprising considering the amount of control they demand in every other aspect of life.
#4 Porn: In Excess
Porn is out there. It’s everywhere, and it’s so easy to access. As an adult, the narcissist will absolutely love watching it. All their fetishes and fantasies in one place. Those continuous hits of oxytocin will be more than welcome in their eyes and bodies.
Some couples might enjoy watching it together to spice up their sex lives, and from time to time. Usually, that’s where both people agree, and it isn’t the be-all and end-all.
Narcissists will watch porn the moment you leave for work. The minute they take a bath. The second they get a moment alone at all.
Porn connects a person to something that isn’t real and disconnects them from a real chance at loving authentically, tangibly, and healthily.
Narcissists use it because it does the job. It’s shallow. It’s quick. It’s easy. Nobody cries afterward or wants deep and meaningful conversations. Nobody wants to be held or kissed softly.
It ticks every single box a narcissist shamefully has.
#5 Lack of Intimacy
If they can get away with it, they will refuse any intimacy at all. They know that any kind of intimacy has the potential to lead to sex. If they fear getting too close to you, they will avoid anything that may lead down that path.
Footnote:
It’s tricky navigating personal things such as sex. Suppose you find yourself in regular discomfort or even intimidating situations with the narcissist in your life.
In that case, I’d urge you to speak to a trusted person, such as a family member or friend.
Don’t suffer.
How To Outsmart The Narcissist?
Outsmarting a narcissist might seem like something you would never be able to do.
Think of all those times that toxic person has made you feel small, or even nothing. The idea of outsmarting them won’t come naturally to you, right?
Wrong!
You can absolutely outsmart a narcissist. They won’t see it coming, they won’t see you coming – and it will be a shock to their narcissistic system!
Finding ways to outsmart a narcissist can be fun, and it will put you right back in control of your life.
So, let’s see a show of hands to see who’s with me?
Narcissists: The Truth Behind the Mask
Narcissists!
You’ve likely encountered them at some point in your life, right? That’s why you’re here!
Narcissists walk into a room and act like they own it, even if they’ve just walked into your kitchen. It’s incredibly frustrating.
Masters at creating a toxic air of confidence and superiority, narcissists hide behind their mask. Behind it all? Insecurity and neediness!
You know it well, I’m certain!
Narcissists can be charming and persuasive when they want to be.
They’re also incredibly convincing at it.
But don’t be fooled.
Their charm is a well-rehearsed act designed to get what they want, whether from you or from others.
They thrive on control and manipulation, and will do what it takes to continue this weird game of human chess they are experts at.
Understanding the core of a narcissist is crucial for all of us – especially you.
Beneath all charm and smiles, they are often fragile. They fear their true selves being exposed – and they do all they can so that doesn’t happen.
This fragility makes them dangerous, but it also makes it possible to outsmart them.
Once you know what exactly is lurking behind the mask, you’ll be much better equipped to deal with their toxic tactics.
They Think They’re So Clever!
Narcissists believe they are the smartest person in the world, and nobody else compares even marginally.
They convince themselves of this, and do their best to convince others too.
They use their quote-on-quote “intelligence” to dominate conversations and situations, which only makes others feel inferior. Is this a familiar story to you?
It is to so many people, sadly.
The narcissist has a deep sense of superiority, which acts as a double-edged sword.
Yes, it fuels their confidence and bravado. But also, it makes them vulnerable to being outsmarted. If you think about it, anybody can outsmart them, and it certainly doesn’t take much at all.
Their arrogance blinds them to their own weaknesses, which can backfire on them!
What does this mean? Well, it means the narcissist can sometimes really underestimate others.
Good news for you though – as this overconfidence is where you can find your edge.
Dealing with a narcissist requires more than just holding your ground; it’s about understanding their playbook and using their own tactics against them. They think they’re so clever, but with a little knowledge and strategy, you can turn the tables.
You? Really? …
Yes! Really!
You’re here because you’ve had enough of the narcissist’s mind games, right?
Outsmarting them is now a healthy option for you, and you should definitely do all you can to do it.
If the narcissist is your friend, boss, family member or lover – the time has come to regain control and peace of mind.
You’re so not alone.
Many people struggle with how to handle narcissists effectively.
The key?
Outsmart them!
Let’s get to the good bit…
How to Outsmart a Narcissist
#1 Be Firm – Set Your Boundaries!
Narcissists thrive on pushing limits, no matter who they belong to. Oh yes, expect boundaries to be constantly tested. They will look for your weakness and then exploit them, until now, that is!
The first step in outsmarting a narcissist is to establish firm and clear boundaries. This means being completely transparent about what behavior you will accept and what behavior you won’t.
Don’t stop short at setting boundaries, you have to enforce them too. When that narcissist attempts to walk all over them, you have to calmly and consistently push back.
Make your language clear – and assertive. No, they won’t like it, but hey, this isn’t about them anymore, is it? The less emotion you apply, the better. After all, narcissists feed off any kind of reaction.
Composure is key, just like consistency.
#2 “Gray Rock”
The gray rock method is such an empowering tool when dealing with any narcissist.
The idea of gray rock is to make yourself as uninteresting and unresponsive as possible.
You might think that sounds easy but it does take a little practice to get it just right.
Remember, narcissists crave drama and seeing you act ‘overly emotional.’ By being boring and unengaging, you deny them the satisfaction they seek.
Bingo!
When they try to provoke you, be bland. Be the human equivalent of vanilla.
Avoid showing anger, frustration, excitement – any of it. Over time, they are strongly likely to lose interest in trying to manipulate you because you’re not giving them the fuel they need.
You’ve become so boring!
No…. I am just doing my best to outsmart your attitude…
#3 Deflection – Master It!
Narcissists love to put you on the spot – they attempt to make you feel uncomfortable.
One way to tackle this is to master what I like to call the art of deflection.
Whenever they try to criticize or undermine you, you redirect the conversation. Ask them a question that shifts the focus back onto them or onto a neutral topic.
I’ll give you an example.
They criticize your decorating work at home (how predictable, right?)
Now you respond with, “Interesting point. What do you think about the weather lately?”
It sounds crazy, but it really throws them off and totally stops them in their tracks.
#4 Information is Preparation!
Ah yes, narcissists will often use misinformation and lies to manipulate everybody else.
You can outsmart them here by being well-informed and prepared. Do your research, re-check facts, and even have evidence to back it all up.
Many people I know have been known to write down information or revert to old texts for screenshots to prove their points.
This will all reduce the narcissist’s ability to use deception against you.
This is all about concrete information – and who can argue with the facts?
#5 Gather Your Support System
It’s not uncommon for narcissists to isolate their victims to assert themselves and gain more control.
You can maintain a strong network of people you love and trust. Seek support from anybody you know who may understand your situation and can provide advice.
Encouragement is also heavily advised here!
Having that crucial support system will help you stay grounded in your reality. When a narcissist is trying their best to get to you, you have people you can rely on to turn to.
Let’s start unlock that potential!
