So, you’ve wanted to unnerve a narcissist for a while… and here you are.

It’s actually a lot easier than you think to get them off balance and catch them off guard.

Despite their confident façade, narcissists are usually surprisingly fragile. 

You can do certain things to throw them off their game and leave them scrambling.

And the best part? 

These tactics are subtle … but they are powerful. 

I want you involved and invested in each one, especially if it means you get a little control back!

It’s about damn time!

Is That An Earthquake…?

No! It’s just you, shaking their confidence!

Like what I did there…?

Well, you know what? You can shake the confidence of a narcissist. You can disarm and unnerve them all you want, with the right tools and time. 

When they think they’ve got you under their control, you shift the poles of their world. North is no longer North, and South is no longer South.

What’s in it for you?

Well, there’s the obvious gift of the narcissist backing away from you. Catching them on the back foot will prove they really don’t have as much power over you as they thought they did. 

And you personally?

You get to remind yourself of your worth. You get to stand firm and true in yourself, maybe for the first time in a very long time.

It’ll feel good, and you will want more and more of it. 

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#1 The Game Changing Boundaries

So first thing’s first – boundaries.

I know I talk a lot about them, but it’s the fundamental breakdown of boundaries that give way to any abuse.

And it’s not that you willingly or knowingly give a part of you away, or neglect it somehow. It’s that the narcissist is so able to get right under your skin and be in control of how they crumble.

The real game change is how you revisit and implement your boundaries.

The way you build them back up is by:

1. Reminding yourself of your worth
2. Knowing what makes you happy or unhappy
3. What your ceiling of tolerance is
4. Thinking about your values – what means a lot to you in relationships?
5. Understanding that you do not have to give a part of you away in order to please anybody
6. Know that people who really love you will respect your boundaries
7. Not allowing guilt or shame to drop your boundaries for anybody

I said what I said, and I mean every word.

Narcissists won’t like this sudden ‘change’ in you. You assert yourself and remind them of your boundaries by telling them that you’re in charge of that part of your life.

And you know what? They’re used to having that control. You’re taking your power back in real-time, right before them.

It will infuriate them – but most of all – it will unnerve them to see this side of you. 

#2 Mirror Them – Watch Them Squirm!

Narcissists think that they act accordingly. If you were to hold a mirror up to them, they’d point the finger and say the reflection was somehow you in disguise.

You should behave the way they behave. I don’t want you to unfold a toxic level of yourself or anything, but I mean to hold back on your love for them. Hold back emotionally, and see how it really unsettles them.

Give them a glimpse into what you have to endure, and show them that how they act has consequences for you, as it evidently does for them.

#3 Be Unapologetically Authentic

Hard to do? Very!

You’ve been programmed to be anything other than you – and I know that letting yourself go and grow is going to feel so strange – like somebody will tell you off or make you small…

…Not this time!

Being unapologetically you is the very reason why the narcissist hates you. All the while you dance to their beat, you’re pleasing them.

That means shedding your layers of life, zest and personality.

It’s time to get dressed. You are going to want to revive those layers and bring your true self back to life.

With your personality comes an inner strength that they won’t be able to control. Will it unsettle them? Undoubtedly so! But that’s not why you should just stop.

In fact, it should be the very reason why you continue!

#4 Grey Rock: Know When To Give Nothing

Think about the times your reactions feed them.

The supply they get from knowing you are upset about something is their own priority – not making sure you’re okay, or if you need anything. 

They see you and how frustrated you are with not being heard, loved, or appreciated, and they enjoy it. 

So, don’t give them anything instead of letting your emotions loose. Let them see a side of you that is emotionless, or as it’s widely now known:

Grey rock.

Grey rock is how you let a narcissist know that their actions are not affecting you in the slightest. 

You see them trying to provoke you, and you give nothing in return.

Uh huh.

Sure.

Okay.

Mmmhmmm.

Or even nothing at all – silence!

To say they will be taken aback is an understatement, but you have to really be consistent with grey rocking.

Be the most boring, uninteresting person around them – like a grey rock itself – and notice the difference.

Now, it does take practice. I know you still feel how you feel on the inside, but the key is refusing to give those emotions away. 

#5 Be Kind!

What kind of world are we living in where I tell you that your kindness unnerves certain people. 

Well, I hate to say it, but the kind of world where narcissists exist…

I’m right, though.

Your kindness can really get under their skin and make them feel uncomfortable. When you portray parts of you that are alien to them, they don’t know what to do.

I know a person who told me once that their own father gave them the worst look for helping an elderly lady across the street.

She said, “I saw her struggling, so I helped her get to the other side safely, and my dad just shot me the look from hell!”

Her dad did that because he couldn’t fathom how you even spotted this woman needing help. And if you did, why give her your time? Where does that even come from?

It comes from a place of compassion, and narcissists don’t know anything about compassion.

5 Fears Narcissists Hide From You

Before we get started, I want you to know that narcissists don’t walk around openly fearing everything.

If they did – they wouldn’t be able to live with themselves.

A big ‘however’ coming up…

However…

Narcissists still fear. They fear, and they loathe, and they hide it all.

Why do they hide it all, Alexander?

Okay. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about narcissists, it’s that they have to hide what they cannot allow anybody to see.

Let me explain a little more deeply…

Narcissists on the Outside

There is a huge bubble of ego around the outside of the narcissist. This ego appears unbreakable but weaker than it looks by far. 

Once you get past that bubble, you’ll see a person living in constant fear. Hard to believe when they’re so tough and full of bravado on the outside, I know.

The trouble is, they’re even more terrified than you could ever imagine, and it’s all because they can’t stand showing it to the world.

They don’t want to, and they won’t. 

As Fragile as Can Be

The fragility of a narcissist is never up for debate. It’s there, and it holds onto their fears far more than you’d imagine.

Narcissists feel shame surrounding their fears, which to me just seems incomprehensible. It’s human nature to be scared sometimes, or to fear something huge happening in your life.

People can be known to sidestep something, just so they don’t have to face their fears.

Narcissists won’t admit what they fear secretly, so you never know when they’re doing that sidestepping. 

Why Hide?

Well, simply put, it’s better to hide and pretend to be strong than to expose and reveal weakness. 

The narcissist lives by their sword, and will die by their sword. Expect nothing else. 

The Fears of the Narcissist – 5 Fears They Hide From You

Buckle up – because these fears are all designed to expose the narcissist’s real character.

#1 Failure

Narcissists hate failure. They hate failing, and they hate you failing.

Failing to please them.

Failing to give them any attention.

Failing an exam.

They will remind you of your failures for a long time because they love you to know that you can’t do it all and aren’t perfect like them. 

When a narcissist fails – it’s the end of the world. You know, sometimes they do. They don’t get the job they wanted, or they don’t pass that test. 

They will act like it doesn’t matter, or that it was the fault of the person interviewing or testing them, but in reality, they’re terrified.

They fear why they lost, and the idea that they didn’t do or say something right in order to get over that line of success.

They fear it so badly because they fear not appearing or being good enough. It’s why they constantly overcompensate by always trying to be the best of the best.

If everybody sees that version of them, nobody would be able to get close to those inner fears, right?

#2 Being Outed as a Narcissist

Being outed as a narcissist is a huge fear for them. 

I want to start by saying that there will always be a way out for them. If they’re accused of the very thing they are, they will blame you, smear your name to others; punish you in as many ways as possible. 

Denial is their middle name.

However…

…Everything changes for the narcissist as soon as you figure out the person they truly are. When you uncover their moods and begin to stand up to their unforgiving behavior, you are letting them know one thing:

You know. And nothing is going to be the same from now on.

What does that look like to the narcissist?

Well, nothing being the same means the narcissist can no longer manipulate you.

They were used to pushing and pulling you like the tide. Their control over you became something you begrudged them over time, but it was something you learned to silently accept. 

I’ve lost count of the amount of people who have told me that as soon as they outed the narcissist in their life, nothing was the same again.

The narcissist fears this. They have a unique system, and the supply they need from others is drawn from certain people at certain times. It’s how they function, and they get used to that. 

Their fear is having all of that stripped from them. They fear that dynamics will shift because they don’t know where or how they’ll be able to replace it.

#3 Rejection

Narcissists live the kind of life that you would assume has zero room for fear. They exude confidence (too much most of the time).

They love to show off and brag about what they have, where they’re going on vacation, how much this or that cost…

Narcissists love to be accepted. They want to feel part of something so that eventually, they can dominate. If they can get a foot in the door, the rest is history.

Rejection does happen to narcissists. When it does, you see a side of them that you never thought you’d see. They can cover up their fear with anger, or rage, or even laugh it off like it means nothing.

Only you, the narcissist expert, can tell something has annoyed them. 

The fear of rejection comes from the innate entitlement that they must have everything.

They have to succeed, they have to be loved and admired by everybody, and nobody can let them down or reject them.

If they do, it will only fuel their inner fires of insecurity—and believe me, that fire is huge. 

#4 Losing

If a narcissist loses, you will see a spoiled child appear before you. They can throw tantrums, they can go off sulking, they can ignore you. 

When they do, it isn’t because they are simply’ a little immature.’ It’s so much more.

This is about their perfect image being shattered, especially in front of others. They may be getting laughed at or mocked when usually they do it to everybody else. 

When the shoe is on the other foot, they fear that the perfection they portray will be seen as nothing but an illusion. 

#5 You Leaving

If you leave, what does that tell the narcissist?

It tells you that you’re strong enough to walk away. It gives the message that you refuse to be caught up in this cycle of abuse a moment longer. It also tells them that you don’t want to be with them.

And that?

Well, that is seen as a huge worry for them. They almost fear your lack of supply as much as you being okay without them. If the one person who said they loved them doesn’t need them, then what hope is there?

Of course, they will never tell you they fear you leaving. The bravado will paint quite the opposite picture.

But when you do … you’ll know about it. 

What Eventually Happens To Narcissists?

How Does it End For Narcissists?

Narcissists are like a really painful, long book that you have to read to understand. They don’t come with an index or bullet points. If they did, half their toxicity would fall through the cracks.

Sadly, people like you or I must experience them fully before we know each trick.

If I can offer you one fragment of light at the end of this treacherous tunnel – it’s this:

What happens to narcissists is an ending that you’re going to want to hang on for.

Let’s get into it.

“Look At Them!”

It’s enough to make you sick, isn’t it?

They live their merry little lives, seemingly getting away with anything and everything, making you want to scream from the rooftops.

Yes – it’s unfair. 

You wish they would just crumble and fall down, so you could finally see them suffer as much as they made you suffer. 

You want what happens to them to be detrimental to everything they pretend to be. 

Does The Tide Ever Turn?

What do you think? I mean, I want to be able to tell you that they do indeed turn honestly.

I also know and appreciate how it really doesn’t feel that way at the time. Constantly waiting for them to taste their own medicine can feel like waiting for rain in a drought.

But I am here to say that, yes, eventually, that rain will come.

And it will feel amazing.

The Beauty of Karma

I don’t like to meddle with Karma. Instead, I trust that everything will work exactly how it should.

Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. The circle of life appreciates both good and bad happenings, and I am certain that includes narcissists and how they treat others. 

Karma doesn’t need you stepping in and taking over, so if you ever try to gain justice from a situation involving a narcissist, you’re likely to lose. 

Rather than that – it’s nothing but a waiting game. 

But a game you’ll definitely not want to quit.

How Does It End For Them?

No narcissist has a really happy ending. 

Ultimately, they go home alone every day, even if they go home to somebody. 

Narcissists always want to be part of something, yet never feel part of anything. It’s all empty. It’s all meaningless. They don’t have layers to them or an ounce of appreciation for their family or friends. 

That alone should tell you how it ends for every narcissist. 

They’re nothing but lonely people craving some kind of something. 

That is something they never end up getting.

#1 The Slipping of the Mask

You may have to wait a while, but the mask of a narcissist will always, I repeat, always slip off.

I know you think it can’t happen soon enough, and many of you will be screaming for it to be today—but it doesn’t work that way.

In fact, the more you try to rush the mask’s slipping, the crazier you will look.

If you want to allow their true selves to unfold naturally, you’ll have to wait for the day.

#2 Inability to Keep Up With Their Lies

We all know that lying can lead to serious trouble. Not only do you have to remember this, but you may also have to build potential lies around it so they make sense. 

Narcissists are great at lying, but they can do it so frequently that they fail to recall them all.

When you see a narcissist caught in a lie trap, they will fluff and fumble their way out as best they can with the charm they were born with. 

I want to remind you, though – the lies do catch up with them eventually.

Lies catch up with everybody. 

#3 One Small Mistake

This is all it takes, believe me. One tiny little slip up to get people talking is all it takes. 

I once knew a narcissist professionally who never took any accountability for his mistakes.

He used to cover up all his mistakes, blaming others or deleting evidence that he was responsible. 

One day, he was caught in the act. He had no defense, and even though he got really angry and tried to blame somebody else, it was clear he was to blame. 

His mistake was leaving his work pass in the room where he shredded all the information he wanted to discard. 

It’s all it took for the dominos to all fall down, and for the past to come together like a jigsaw puzzle. People saw what he was like, and nobody trusted him again. 

#4 Time Will Tell

You’re all familiar with the saying, ‘Time will heal.’ It helps if you are going through hard times or have lost somebody close to you. 

Time also heals your own heart as it allows narcissists to be revealed for who they really are.

As much as it will cause chaos, it will be healing to be validated by the entire event. 

It’s how so many victims breathe a sigh of relief and say, “Thank goodness everybody can now see them for who they truly are.”

Time will give you that. You just have to wait for it. 

#5 They Won’t Hesitate To Move!

Narcissists are renowned for moving. 

To start again, if things get too heated where they live,

Looking for work in a new city or town for a ‘fresh start.’

Usually, when they run everybody else down or play them all in their games, they run out of people.

They run out of supply.

So what do they do?

They run away.

It won’t end there, though. Moving anywhere new only restarts the whole process.

Narcissists, for that reason, never really admit to having somewhere to call home.

#6 New Friends

Of course, moving anywhere means starting up a new friendship circle. People will mingle and meet with everybody, as all new people are considered to be fresh pawns in their game. 

Friends end up being enemies before long…

In The End

You can wait and wait, but eventually, the narcissist will get their comeuppance.

In one way or another, whether being found out, having their mask slip, or having to keep bouncing from town to city to stay relevant or liked.

Please allow that to be the justice you need, because it is.

Narcissists will always be miserable. They hate being stuck or figured out, so they must constantly work out their plan to keep their true selves a secret.

Isn’t that the end you want to hear about?

I know it is for me.