To the narcissist – money is power.

Power is also abuse.

They hold it over the heads of the unsuspecting as if it is a weapon of mass destruction, because they know how to use it to manipulate.

Think about it – a narcissist doesn’t know how to love people, they only know how to love material things. Cars, houses, their job, good food – and what do they need to get all those things?

MONEY!

Don’t ever be shocked to learn that the narcissist falls into the most toxic part of their own egotistical character where money is concerned – and it would benefit you to know the top ways they do this.

For Validation

To make up for their serious lack of self-esteem, the narcissist will look to money for external validation. 

I know it seems crazy, and to you or me—the non-narcissist—it is. Why would anybody need to buy anything in order to fit in or be like the people they wish they could be? It’s almost embarrassing to think grown-ups act this way.

It’s more acceptable if you’re 7 years old and at school and wanting to show off your new sports coat or football cards, but when you are a fully fledged adult, this behavior is nothing but a huge red flag. 

What They Lack, They Try to Make Up For

Narcissists are grandiose – they cannot live one day without trying to gain the attention of anybody – even strangers – just to make themselves feel better.

It’s because they feel an extreme level of self-importance which has been developed artificially to cover up their plunging self-esteem (which is actually non-existent, believe it or not).

Money is a great way of proving to people that they aren’t poor, and it’s one of the only ways the narcissist can feel they are worth something.

Status Effect

Look at what I have that you don’t.

My life is fantastic.

I’m making great decisions that get me to where I am.

People love me.

I love getting all this attention.

You want to yawn, don’t you? I know I do.

I’ve seen it so many times before. Pulling up at traffic lights and seeing an expensive car next to me, and it’s not about validation this time, it’s about the narcissist wanting you to look at them and see how successful they are. 

Wow, this person must be really important because they drive a car that is gaining an awful lot of attention from everybody. 

We don’t understand it, but we know it also comes from a palace of insecurity. You can’t just fit in if you’re a narcissist – you have to stand out somehow so that others know your life is being lived exactly how you want it to be. 

This is another egotistical look into the mind of a narcissist who wants all the attention, all of the time. 

To Punish 

Withholding money from you is the narcissist’s way of delighting themselves with yet more and more power and control. 

Yes, they expect you to be on your constant best behavior so that they can dangle money in front of you, and if there is the slightest area of conflict or disagreement, the narcissist will look forward to letting you know that they are going to use money to punish you. 

This can look like the following:

Changing bank cards, so that the one you have is canceled and deemed useless.

Changing passwords to shared banking.

Looking at new ways to budget or keep the cost of what you spend down because they decided it was ‘too much.’

You’ll feel small when punished, and as if you have got yourself into some real trouble. It’s nothing to do with you, in fact, the narcissist just wants to keep one foot in your financial door and let you know they’re the boss.

To Use YOU 

Yes, there are absolutely narcissists out there who will use you to get what they want.

They will always want to borrow from you and will dump all their emotional baggage upon you to guilt you into lending them money (which you’ll never see back).

If you dare to ask for it back, you’ll be told you’re selfish and impatient, and that you lack compassion for them in their struggling times. 

Narcissists want their own way, and remember that can also look like the needy narcissist, who wants what you have without willing to work for it. 

Two Sets of Standards

Oh, the hypocrisy can get so real. Narcissists love to have money. It allows them to sink into their wildest dreams and get everything they feel they deserve with it.

They splurge on expensive clothes, or they book that dream vacation. Perhaps they invest in a car update or install a hot tub. Anything you can think of – they will do if they can. 

But wait…

What happens if you treat yourself? What if you decide to get takeout at the weekend, or rent a movie on a streaming platform?

Do you think we are made of money?

What a waste of money, you could have got a full grocery shop with that amount. 

Oh, I see you’re not bothered about how much you spend this week.

I work hard for this money, and you decide to just fritter it?

Wow, how selfish are you?

Yeah, yeah. The same old thing – but what does this show you?

You Are NOT Careless

It shows you that the narcissist is using a double set of standards to work in their favor. They’re moving the financial goalposts, and  they’re telling you that the rules applied to you, do not apply to them. The shaming is terribly abusive, and they hate that you can do what they’re doing – making them feel inadequate.

It’s so toxic; I don’t need to tell you why. It’s to invoke fear in you, and let you know that they think you make careless decisions without them, so you are more likely to lean into their control and let them be the ones to be in charge of the finances.

Don’t Defend, Don’t Engage, Don’t Expand

Narcissists want you to bite back when they tell you how disappointed they are in your spending. They want to try and shame you into the belief that you can’t make strong choices without them, and the assumption that you’ll defend yourself will be strong.

It’s time to conclude that you are able to buy something if you want to, and that you shouldn’t let the manipulation of the narcissist take over and guilt trip you into not getting what you want too. 

What Do Narcissists Fear the Most?

The 20 Biggest Fears Of Narcissists

They don’t look like they fear anything, do they?

Narcissists really do walk around acting as if they are perfect. If you were to ask them what they’re scared of, they’d laugh in your face and tell you to move out of their way.

Well, I’m here to tell you the truth.

Narcissists are petrified of more than you have ever known…

…Until now.

Here, I unlock the 20 biggest fears of narcissists, so you don’t need to embarrass them by asking them what they’re scared of ever again.

When The Narcissist Can’t Sleep At Night

Tick, tock, tick, tock,

3am?!

What’s keeping the narcissist up at night?

It’s likely to be thinking about their fears, as believe it or not, they cross their minds from time to time. 

Those fears remain buried under the guise of the charmer – the person everybody sees when they initially speak to the narcissist. 

Well, I’ve got my shovel, and I am about to dig each fear up.

#1 It’s Expose Time! 

Imagine the look of terror on the narcissist’s face when you expose them. It’ll be brief, sure. If you blink, you miss it.

Because soon enough – that fear will convert into rage – an emotion you’re probably much more familiar with when you think about the narcissist in your life. 

Before that rage, that fear will be evident. The idea of you telling everybody the true character of the narcissist fills them with an impalpable dread. 

It all starts to crumble.

They’ve nowhere to hide, and they cannot fool everybody anymore. At least some people will believe you, and that’s all you’d need to expose them fully. 

So yes – it keeps the narcissist up at night to think you could do such a thing, knowing as soon you do so, their power diminishes. 

#2 Control: Officially Lost

Get ready for the narcissist’s foundation to shake, rattle and roll.

Losing control is last on their list of ideals, but it’s a stark possibility when the victim turns to victor.

Seeing through the narcissism to a person who, underneath it all, is just a small-minded, afraid nobody, makes them more worried than you could imagine. 

If that control goes – what do they have?!

#3 The Truth is Feared

What is the truth?

We all know, don’t we?

We’re dealing with a person, or several people if you’re really unlucky, who aren’t who they say they are.

There is a truth behind the lies, and behind that is the ongoing fear from the narcissist that their lies will be exposed. 

Believe me when I say that the narcissist will do what it takes to silence their victims, but that doesn’t mean the truth will never prevail.

#4 The Ordinary 

Ordinary means what to you? For me, it’s just an average day, with nothing standing out. No one big moment.

Narcissists hate not standing out. They always want to be the center of attention, and if they’re seen as normal, or ordinary, that will be the biggest threat – and fear – to their grandiose personality. 

#5 Being Alone

Imagine having nobody to manipulate. When they need to suck the life out of another – there’s not a soul available. 

Narcissists need people around not just to do this with, but also, those people are needed to influence. 

The absence of others is the absence of validation and supply, and without a push from others for attention, the narcissist won’t fully know how to function.

They fear being alone for that very reason.

#6 Bye Bye, Attention

Invisibility is the true enemy of the narcissist. They need to be the honey, while the bees buzz around them constantly.

Without that noise, there is silence.

And in silence, there will be zero attention.

#7 Others… Happy… Really?

No single soul on the planet has the right to be happy (according to the narcissist). If you’re so happy, what could you possibly be so happy about? 

How dare you!

Your smile is enough to have it wiped right off your face, and the narcissist is going to love doing so.

Passing judgment. Criticizing you. Bringing you down. Triggering you. Disappointing you. Giving you the silent treatment and yelling at you. Whatever it takes. Why? 

Simple! They fear that your happiness will create this brand new version of you that will tolerate the narcissist just that little bit less. 

#8 How Victims Self-Love

Listen, if you’re loving yourself, then you are loving the narcissist less. It’s great for you – and that’s exactly why it isn’t good for them. 

The fear that comes from you loving yourself is that you will decide you’re too good for them – and leave. 

#9 Financial Independence

You’ve got your money sorted, you earn a large buck or two, and there’s nothing they can do about it.

Seeing you take care of your finances so well, there’s little to no chance of them taking it all away from you – leaving you dependent on them. 

Big fear!

#10 “So What?”

Ah, so you’re indifferent, are you?

That’s a big ache in the gut for the narcissist, who thrives on your reactions. If you don’t have any ones to give, consider yourself immune to the narcissist…

…New narcissist fear unlocked!

#11 Brave Enough To Be Accountable

Accountability is a huge fear of the narcissist, who usually ensures that what they’re doing will never be found out.

They don’t want to own up to any wrongdoing – so you can safely tick this as a huge fear of theirs. 

#12 Losing to Legality

If you want to really send shivers down the narcissist’s spine – threaten them with legal action.

It’s the epitome of doing wrong for all to see as well – which only adds to their nightmare!

#13 New Victims: Gone

Just when they thought they had a good victim in you – you up and leave.

Their plans turn to dust, and they become vulnerable all over again, with no supply!

#14 Strong? Good!

Your strength kills narcissists. It acts as such a strong repellent that you would be hard pushed to see any narcissist stick around.

They’re scared of you! What narcissist wants to admit that they’re scared of somebody?!

#15 Being Alone

You can forgive babies for not wanting to be alone – but grown adults? This isn’t about normal loneliness that can really affect people – this is the fear of having no life to suck out of anybody. 

#16 Mirror Mirror On The Wall

Don’t look into it if you’re a narcissist, because we all know – including you – that you are not the fairest of them all!

The biggest fear of a narcissist is doing so, and seeing that ugliness stare back at them. 

#17 “No Thanks, Bye”

Rejection.

Ouch.

A narcissist experienced enough of this as a child, and it is a huge trigger for them; a reminder that they aren’t good enough for somebody. 

#18 Criticism

What do you mean they aren’t perfect?

You cannot tell a narcissist that they have faults! That’s their job to make you feel shitty – not the other way around!

#19 Partners In The Know

Knowing who the narcissist really is means the power shifts from them, to you. 

What does that mean for you? Well, you’re likely to be a person who wants to do bad with their power, but it does mean you no longer get played by them.

They fear this – they fear you having an education in narcissism. You have the power to expose and all them out.

A powerless narcissist is not a happy narcissist. 

#20 Getting Over: Moving On

If you’ve gotten over a narcissist and moved on – you’ve done what they thought you’d never do.

Always expecting you to be around to use and abuse, you’ve finally made your way out of it.

While that’s a moment for real pride, it’s a moment of fear for them.

What do they do now?