You’re just minding your own business in life, right? But I know what’s really going on.
You are holding the biggest and darkest secrets of the narcissist in your hands, and the narcissist knows it.
In fact, they know it so much that they’re now thinking of ways to completely destroy you, just because you happen to know things about them that they don’t want you sharing.
Here are 5 ways they do that.
#1 “I know a bigger secret…”
Knowing a narcissist’s secret isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be.
It might feel good to know what not many people, if any at all, could even imagine.
What the narcissist can do to get back at you is something not short of concerning.
Yeah?
You think you know everything about me?
I know THIS about you, and it’s going to blow people’s minds.
Suddenly, you aren’t the person with the upper hand. You aren’t the one who can smile, knowing you have something against the narcissist.
Because they know an even bigger part of you that you want to keep quiet.
Things don’t seem so great now, do they?
It doesn’t just stop there, though. If the narcissist is in this position, they won’t let you forget about it.
Reminding you at every opportunity that they could spill your secrets at the drop of a hat really is low, but it’s also majorly controlling.
You could be having a regular day, when the narcissist forces you to fall in line and obey them with a little comment or look.
Only then do you know what they mean, and it’s not good.
#2 They outright bully
Beyond intimidation, narcissists are more than able to outright bully their victims, and you will know if you’ve ever spent enough time in the company of one.
Don’t you dare tell people what you know about me!
I will make your life not worth living!
You have no idea who you’re messing with!
There’s a tone in their voice, and perhaps even a memory you have, where you just know they mean what they say.
These are beyond threats, they come packed with intent and promise.
Bullies often speak like this to get you to cower in fear and do as they say. The more you fall in line and follow orders, the more of a hold the narcissist will think they have over you.
It really is not much different from being back at school and having to deal with a kid who just wants to punish you and make your life miserable every single day.
Except now, you’ve left school. You’re an adult. You want to meet people and get along.
You don’t want to live in fear of what they may say or do next. And somehow, you find yourself bending over backward just to pacify them.
Whatever power you thought you had, goes the second the narcissist realizes they’ve got something equally juicy about you.
And that is what takes precedence.
#3 Smearing of the name
When a narcissist smears your name, you should expect this act to be accompanied by a lot of stress running through your veins.
People you thought were close to you will start falling by the wayside.
I’ve even spoken to people who have had people they know cross the street from them to avoid conversation.
Smear campaigns are a common theme for narcissists, and they are so because they work.
The effectiveness of lying to others about an innocent person and having them believe every single word is so inescapable because narcissists are convincing people.
If you ever find yourself the victim of a smear campaign, I want you to stay calm.
The more you try to protest your innocence, the far less likely you will be perceived as the good, sane person of the two of you.
Knowing a secret or two will get you talked about by them, as narcissists see a smear as damage control.
If they can paint you as the crazed person, then your secrets about them will never be believed, even if you did decide to blurt them out to all who know you.
This is one of those times where silence is your best weapon. Let those who don’t believe you, leave you.
#4 They make you their new best friend
And then comes the huge flip side!
Narcissists will love to make you their new best friend if you know a lot about them. This is a classic case of:
Keep your friends close, and your enemies even closer.
It’s a great way for a narcissist to handle you, and by keeping you sweet, they hope to push down their secrets and help you swallow them down by feeding you compliments, love, attention and affection.
If you fall for it, then you have just been controlled yet again by the narcissist.
I know it might feel great to be on good terms with them, but they really are only doing it because they’re manipulating you into not thinking about secrets.
They know how much you love being liked and loved. The more time they spend with you, the more damage they’re reversing.
So yes: think about that the next time a narcissist tries to sweet-talk their way into your good books! It’s never for reasons that are honest and true.
#5 They won’t leave you alone
So what does this last point mean exactly?
For you, it means the good, the bad and the ugly.
Never being left alone by the narcissist can mean that you are bothered, stalked, love-bombed, raged at; anything.
The narcissist will knowingly do what it takes to keep your mouth shut and their secrets locked away inside of you.
As they bubble away, the narcissist will move heaven and earth to ensure that doesn’t change, so be prepared for a ride that may not end well.
Remember, a narcissist panics fairly easily when control starts to slip away.
If you’ve got the advantage, no matter how big or small that may be, they will be chaotic.
Their minds will drift to all the worst case scenarios, their paranoia will awaken like never before, and they will fear what happens next.
Their secrets will ruin lives, and will out them as the bad guy forever, and you knowing them sends their minds into overdrive.
For once, they have a conscience, but only because they know their own reputation is on the line.
So what do they do?
In short: whatever it takes to keep you quiet.
You will never be left alone because that’s when the narcissist fears you will spill their secrets the most.
They all of a sudden want to go wherever you go, do what you’re doing, and hang out with you even if it’s at the supermarket.
You won’t be able to have a spare minute to yourself, as that’s when the narcissist fears you will pick up the phone, dial a number, and release the real them into the world with their dirty secrets.
Not ideal, I agree.
Insanely destructive, I also agree.
