It’s your big day! Another trip around the sun is to be celebrated, and you look to that person in your life whom all your hope lies upon.
The narcissist.
How will they make your day special? What unforgettable moment will they pull out of the bag, in the same way you do on their big day?
For starters, a ‘Happy Birthday’ would do nicely, wouldn’t it?
Narcissist, it’s over to you!
Here are 5 ways they say Happy Birthday… if they even do at all.
#1 *Tumbleweed*
As a ball of tumbleweed scuttles delicately across the path in front of you, you wait.
You wait for the moment they turn to you and make it about you. After all, it is your special day. It’s only fitting for them to tell you Happy Birthday!
That tumbleweed travels further and further away from you, with nothing following it. No celebration, no smile, no gift, no text, no call, no person.
In truth, they give you nothing. It’s just another day to them, but to you, it’s just another occasion where you feel let down, before making excuses for them in your mind.
They’ve been busy.
Work has been stressing them out.
They wrote the wrong date down.
They do love you.
They’re just in their own world at the moment.
Deep down, you know the score. You are aware of the reality, and how much it pains you to understand that what is special to you, is not special to them.
#2 Last thing at night
You spend the entirety of your birthday checking your phone to see if they send you a text.
Will they tag you in an online social media post? Will they call? Have they sent a card in the post? Will they surprise you with flowers in a drop by this evening?
The day becomes about them, not you. You don’t think about the importance of reaching your day, and how you matter. Instead, you spend it wondering if you matter to them.
You’re giving them power and control without even realizing it, and they are taking it willingly and gladly.
Then right before you lay your head down to sleep, your phone lights up.
It’s them.
Hey. I’m so sorry it’s taken me this long, today has been crazy. I hope you had a lovely birthday!
Mixed emotions, right? You want to be happy that they remembered, but why did it take them this long? You want to be mad at them for making you an afterthought, but at least they sent a text.
It’s a hard battle in the mind to know how to feel with that so late at night, and now on top of that you have to try to get to sleep!
#3 OTT (if the crowd allows)
If the narcissist has the right kind of crowd, you can guarantee your position on that pedestal!
They will make you shine like a diamond, and all the attention will be on you.
I know that doesn’t sound very typical of a narcissist who wants everything to always be about them, but hear me out.
Sometimes they want to be the hero. Sometimes they want all the glory on what should be your day. If that means throwing you the party of the century, they will. And what happens next?
Oh, it was nothing.
It’s the least my princess deserves.
I’m happy to have gotten everybody together today.
I love that you all came and made it so special for her.
Do you love the cake and decorations? I truly thought of it all.
Me, me, me. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
Oh wait, was it meant to be somebody’s birthday? I thought it was just an excuse for the narcissist to show off and steal the limelight!
Prepare for the biggest event, the biggest, most lavish gifts, and a party that people will never forget.
But let’s get one thing clear – none of it is for you.
In fact, the narcissist will forever hold it against you, reminding you of what they did for you and how ungrateful you were for it (even though you thanked them a million times).
#4 A meme or GIF
No words needed, just a small GIF or meme coming your way for your birthday!
This is an insulting way to wish somebody a Happy Birthday without any accompanying wishes that are personal to you.
It’s exactly what the narcissist loves to do, though. In their eyes, they did the whole birthday wish thing.
You’re stuck in a hard place, because if you complain about not getting much, they will turn it around on you and say how busy or stressed they are, or even that they’re unwell and you have no consideration for them.
If you accept it, then you are teaching yourself that low standards are what you deserve.
We all know you deserve more.
#5 “What? That was today?”
Oh dear, did the narcissist conveniently forget your big day? What a shocker! Let me pause this writing to inform the press of this big news.
In other words, I am not at all surprised that the narcissist failed to acknowledge you on the day.
They knew full well it was your birthday, but instead of making one thing about you just once, they chose to avoid it.
Then comes the real pain: They eventually text or comment on social media with the kind of fake horror that would never see them gain an acting role.
Oh my God, I am so sorry! I totally forgot! Why do I keep thinking today is Friday?
Why did I think your birthday was the 8th?
Are you sure it’s today?
Like you don’t know the date of your own birthday!
Next time they try this one on you, just laugh it off and say, “That’s okay.
I’ll get you a diary for Christmas so you can remember next time!” Watch their face as you call them out so innocently for forgetting to celebrate you when you remember every single year to celebrate them.
Try not to take their actions too personally. They do it purposely to make you feel like you don’t mean enough to them, but in truth, it’s nothing but a cruel ploy to incite some low self-esteem into you.
Don’t buy what they’re offering!
What birthdays mean to you
As a person whose natural inclination is to probably put other people before you, birthdays are more easy for narcissists to push away from you.
If your special day can feel like an afterthought, then so can you. That’s not how it should be though.
The next time your birthday rolls around, I want you to celebrate it like you’ve never celebrated it before.
Celebrate you and the person you are. Do the one thing a narcissist never does – and put your special day first.
I know it can seem strange, especially if you’ve experienced the cold shoulder of somebody who should be partying with you.
What’s actually strange is allowing yourself to be forgotten year after year.
Don’t be that person.
