Just because something is a pattern, doesn’t mean it’s a healthy pattern.
Toxicity breeds in patterns that’s why narcissists love to get you hooked and drain you from the moment they meet you.
If you’re tired of the same old thing, it’s time to emotionally detach. Quit doing what you’re doing and loosen free from their pathetic grip…
Starting with these 5 things.
You know you need to…
It might not be what you want to hear, but it’s what you need to do in order to firmly start your healing journey from narcissistic abuse.
If you let them, narcissists will hold onto you for the rest of your life, weaving their way into your confidence and stripping you from it day by day, week by week, month by month, and year by year.
It’s not as if you even realize they’re doing it, but if you did, could it be something you are able to emotionally detach from?
Always. It’s always your choice, but you think that choice has been taken away from you, so you just accept their abuse as a part of your life.
This is mostly because victims don’t see it as abuse until they’re able to step back and really look at the whole picture.
If you are armed with the power to quit doing certain things so that you can aid that emotional detachment, you can detach.
#1 Quit oversharing
First up, we have oversharing. Now, I know you love to share your day, your feelings, your desires, your goals and your thoughts.
You think it’s a sign of a strong connection to the person that you’re with.
You love knowing that they know about you and what’s going on in your world (even though they haven’t asked because narcissists never do).
When you overshare, you offer the narcissist information about you, and more.
You’re seen as somebody who is more keen to remove autonomy rather than build a level of self-preservation.
You will give them any information they want, and you won’t see a problem with doing so.
There will be no limits to what you provide, and the narcissist will love it because they feel they can get whatever they want from you.
So what happens when you quit this? You quit feeding the narcissist. You quit that connection, and for once, you choose yourself.
This is one of the top ways to detach from narcissists in general, as in return, they will begin to lose a level of interest in you.
#2 Quit expressing yourself
I don’t mean expressing who you are as in what you wear or what music you listen to. I mean quit expressing how you feel.
Narcissists thrive on getting a reaction from you, and if you’re willing to provide it, they’re willing to steal it with a smile.
When you’re overly excited, they will drain that joyous energy from you with a comment or criticism.
When you’re overly sad or in pain, they will relish in your tears and probably say or do something to make you feel even worse.
So what choice do you have?
You choose you. Stop throwing coal onto their toxic fire to keep it burning, and start putting it on your own so that your energy and light stays in this world.
If you can cover up expressing your sadness at how they never seem to be present, or how they upset you, you will be literally cutting off their supply.
That cycle of abuse can be cut up if you allow yourself to be the reason why.
#3 Quit reacting with emotion
It really all boils down to emotions, doesn’t it? In order to emotionally detach, you have to think about the part your own emotions play in keeping this narcissistic dynamic alive and kicking.
There’s no blame here, but the acceptance that how you react has the potential to make (or break) their day.
With emotions, you feed their ego. You tell them that they’re important enough to display everything you have to give. Without them, you offer nothing.
And you can still say the words.
I refuse to engage further.
Did you mean to insult me?
Is your rudeness intentional?
There doesn’t need to be any kind of emotions that lead to these words, and when you can communicate like that, you’re cutting the narcissist off who will become unable to get what they want from you.
#4 Quit defending yourself
I want to talk about somebody I’ll call Sarah during this point. Sarah was a client of mine for a few years a long time ago, and she lost hours of sleep trying to find ways to defend herself against her narcissistic husband.
He would say to her, “Sarah, why do you even bother with your hobbies? What’s the point? I don’t see anything coming from them that’s good.”
Sarah would reply with:
I love my hobbies.
I really enjoy trying to be creative.
I really feel relaxed when I’m working on my paintings.
I know I probably work on them too much and they aren’t professional or anything, but I still like doing it.
Think about what’s really being said here, because from what I heard when Sarah first told me her responses, they all seemed to fit around the concept of self-defense.
What is she defending? Why did she feel she had to?
What would’ve been better is any of the following:
Are you having a bad day?
Did you mean for that to be rude?
Don’t let what other people think of you draw you into the need to stand up for what you like doing.
#5 Quit immersing yourself in their BS
Sometimes, going along with everything the narcissist says feels like you’re white water rafting.
You’re say helplessly, waiting for the current to speed you through the rough patches, in the hope you’ll end up somewhere calmer afterward.
It’s so immersive, and there doesn’t seem to be a way for it to stop.
I want you to know that this BS doesn’t need your assistance. It’s going to exist with or without you, so the best option for detachment is to consciously say, “You know what? I’m not going to take part in this.”
If you aren’t careful, you can spend your life being an extra in the narcissist’s main character story, or you can walk away and be your own main character.
I know detachment can take a while, because you’re undoing a lot of patterns that did not work in your favor.
The option to quit immersing yourself in their BS is really helpful to you if you let it, because it means you free up a lot of mental and sometimes physical space to start carving out your own life, on your own terms, in your own way.
That’s a beautiful thing, don’t you think? And while you think it may not seem possible, I’m here to remind you that it is always possible to do the thing that scares you, or the thing you’ve been putting off.
It starts with a choice.
