If you want to get to grips with the level of destruction the narcissist causes, I would advise you to be all of these five things that are known to torture them.
If you have spent a lot of time wondering what you do that’s so terrible, I’ll stop you there.
You don’t do anything wrong. In fact, what gets under their skin the most is when you are at your most unbothered, and that’s what I want to explore with you today.
This was never about getting revenge, or punishing the narcissist. It’s about living your life and knowing that you matter.
There’s nothing more I want to see for you.
#1 Being Totally Indifferent
A narcissist will build their universe around the attention you give them. Adding to that, your reactions are even more pleasurable.
The way you cry, or feel hurt. You might snap or shout, and all the narcissist thinks is, “You walked right into that one.”
If you were to stop giving them any kind of response, you will notice an immediate difference in their behavior.
First off, I know how challenging this is. When every part of you wants to retaliate, but you don’t; that is empowerment, and it’s all in your hands.
I don’t mean you necessarily give them the silent treatment, but I do want to see a more strategically boring version of you.
Acting as though you aren’t even remotely interested in what they have to say or do is golden, because this is usually the very behavior they’d feed off.
When you travel up and down in your moods, you’re showing them that they’re pulling the strings, and you’re responding to their plan.
It’s a type of supply that they can only get from you, because you’re the one they live with behind closed doors. You’re the one who sees the real them.
Be indifferent, and show that you can keep your balance without them tipping you either way. Immediately, the narcissist becomes powerless, and the control remains with you.
#2 The Slipping of Their Mask
The thing that’s always good to remember with narcissists is that their whole lives are defined by the performance they put on.
It’s curated especially to draw in certain people, including you. They act well, and have perfected exactly how to treat everybody to keep in line with their idea of ideal dynamics.
People aren’t people; they’re parts of the wider game, and will be treated as such, whether you’re a coworker, spouse, or child of the narcissist. Nobody gets special treatment.
Outside of this performance, when the mask slips and you get to see who’s underneath, that’s what can start to drive them crazy.
It’s tortuous for a moment to have passed where they lapsed in concentration and exposed themselves.
These can be people who have been fooled by the narcissist for so long, and in a single second, it’s all over.
The only version of themselves that a narcissist can tolerate is the version they pretend to be.
That’s why they hide their true selves away; because it’s a person who is so dislikable and full of self-loathing.
As soon as you see a flash of that negative energy, the narcissist knows there’s no going back.
#3 You Leaving, and Meaning It
The subject may have risen before several times. You thought about leaving, you may have even talked about it if things don’t improve between you.
But, the day arrives. You go. The narcissist watches, waiting to call your bluff as you hesitate at the front door, but you don’t.
That’s the moment right there, where they throw out any attempt to hoover you back. They know you and what works, so they pull out all the stops.
But these don’t work. There’s no crawling back. It really doesn’t take long at all for the narcissist to crumble.
Remember, without you, they have no supply, and nobody to control and manipulate.
The best part will be when you start to rebuild everything they broke because you got tired of waiting for them to be who you hoped they’d be.
When you mean leaving, and you intentionally walk away from all that is toxic, you’re leaving behind a person who is going to feel tortured by your absence, but deserving of it all the same.
When you understand that nobody can fulfill the perfect role of a narcissist’s partner, you’ll understand that your future looks a heck of a lot better knowing you can fulfill your own life.
#4 Your Independence
Look at you! Your own thoughts and beliefs, your own paycheck, and your own career.
You are climbing up all the ladders of success and making things happen for you!
On top of that, you’re able to believe in yourself, and you don’t need to turn to the narcissist every time you need a picture put up on the wall or a door handle replaced.
Life is good! You’re independent, and you are happy with it. In fact, it’s all you’ve ever known.
You have met the narcissist, who does seem charming, but beyond that initial meet, you noticed ways in which they try to make you feel worthless or dependent on them.
The problem (for them) is, you don’t buy any of it. In fact, you buy so little of it that you decide you aren’t compatible.
The narcissist feels hurt, but it’s not because you’ve done anything wrong, but because they know they can’t manipulate you.
3,2,1…
TOUGH LUCK!
#5 Your Success
Success by itself is torture for the narcissist. Your pay rise is their latest reason to be jealous. You got a promotion at work. You hit your target weight. You bought a new house or car.
These are all things any normal, healthy person should be proud of, but no, not the narcissist.
They stomp around with their hunched shoulders and frown you could trip over, and they hate it.
They want the success. They want the attention. They want to feel good about themselves. Instead, they have to watch everybody clap for you, and they can’t even raise their hands.
That shouldn’t mean you play down your achievements, in fact, shout them from the rooftops and make everybody hear what you are doing with your life. The right people will be right there for you, loving you and celebrating.
#6 Never Carve Yourself to Suit a Narcissist
Too often is the case. We shrink. We become quiet. We learn to walk in the background and blend into the wallpaper.
We don’t laugh too loudly, or talk about ourselves too much. We stop fighting for what we want from life, and instead learn to live day to day just about getting by.
Of course, naturally for a narcissist, they love watching you in their shadow, while they live a life that attracts everybody.
They get to pretend and be the center of attention, while you keep wishing you were even a fraction like them.
If you want to torture a narcissist, stand tall, be strong, deliver your goals, believe in yourself, and refuse their toxicity.
I guarantee, it will work a treat!
