Healing is how you move on and start to redefine your own identity.

Coming from nothing, and building to something, it’s never linear. You go back and forth, between the good days and the bad.

Soon enough, those bad days get less frequent. 

When they don’t, something isn’t right.

When healing – things can go terribly wrong.

Understanding what those things are will help you form a baseline of improvement – and really shed that last layer of abuse that’s clinging to you.

You’re worth the healing.

Healing is Necessary

Leaving any narcissistic relationship is going to involve an element of healing.

When you feel so tired that you can’t even comprehend putting a future for yourself together – that’s when you know the narcissist has worn you down. 

And that’s when healing starts. 

And it’s not linear. No healing is. You will get rough days, and great days, and all in between. 

If you want to truly move on from the narcissist, healing is going to be necessary.

You need to be able to reflect on the relationship, everything that happened, and learn a lot about how damaging narcissistic relationships really are.

A huge world will open up for you as you start to heal. As you walk your journey, you should be prepared, or at least be aware that things can go not according to plan sometimes.

These things are never intentional – but they do happen. 

And I want you to know about them.

Wanting What’s Best For Yourself – and Fighting For It!

At the end of the day, that’s all it’s really about, isn’t it?

Wanting what’s best for yourself and being able to fight for that. 

Personally speaking, I want the best for you. I know narcissistic abuse can wear you down and leave you feeling like you have nothing.

But that’s not the case.

And when you feel that weakness cropping in, you can use your awareness to step aside and not get drawn back into the past.

So, with that in mind, let’s get to those 5 things that can go wrong when healing from narcissists. 

What Can Go Wrong When Healing From Narcissists? Check Out These 5 Things!

#1 You Open Back Up To The Narcissist

So, enough time has passed now, right? You feel completely healed of all past narcissistic abuse, and you have learned so much about the kinds of people narcissists are. 

You have gone to hell and back in your quest for strength, and you know what? A big part of you now actually feels ready to open back up to the person who caused all that pain.

So you do!

You call them, you meet them, you find them again. You know this time it’s going to be different.

Why? Because you know them better! You will be able to spot the signs that the tide is turning sooner. You’ll be more in control.

You’ve got this – and you aren’t going to be walked all over like you were before because you have a new attitude to abuse. 

You won’t tolerate their bad side, so you go ahead and seek out what you think is going to be a good side. 

Big mistake.

Healing is only possible when you realize that going back in time and putting yourself in that position again is impossible. 

Even if you think you know what you’re doing – it’s not going to go well. 

#2 You’re Angry That You Fell For It Again

And then comes the next step – you apply point number 1. When you finally come face to face with the person who caused you all that pain in the past – you regret it instantly.

Beyond the regret there is the anger that you allowed yourself to slip back into old habits so quickly.

A big part of this is understanding that healing doesn’t mean you go back to the environment that made you sick in the first place. You’re feeling better than you’ve felt for a long time, and then what?

You turn back around and want to have to do it all over again?

Healing isn’t linear, and I appreciate that.

However – healing is for one reason only. It’s to move on from the  hurt and damage you experienced. 

Falling for it again is going to set you back several steps you worked hard to achieve. 

#3 The Setback

The focus when falling back into the arms of a narcissist after a long and arduous period of healing can be how much it sets you back.

This isn’t about doing what you did, it’s what it ends up doing to you.

All that hard work – and I know there will have been tears. Both day and night.

The feeling like you’re never going to be able to move on. Using all your strength to remain no contact with the person who caused so much stress and toxicity in your life. 

It all comes crashing down the moment you reach out to the narcissist again. 

And I get it. You worked on loving yourself so hard that you think, “It’s okay. No matter what happened in the past, I am a different person now. I know the narcissist isn’t going to be able to break down my walls like they did then.”

And then they do. Because guess what? You can not see the narcissist for years and years, but the second you do, you revert back into the role you once played. 

#4 You Feel Foolish

It’s natural to feel foolish for believing things might be different. Looking at yourself and how you’ve healed, it can be almost automatic to believe that means the narcissist has also been working on themselves.

And when you realize they haven’t? You can feel embarrassed that you put yourself in that position.

The false hope that maybe you are able to make amends. Or the relationship you always hoped you’d have looks like it could come to fruition this time.

But it doesn’t.

It can’t. Only part of the dynamic has changed, and in fact, with everything you’ve learned – would it stand a chance? 

If you have taken the time to learn about narcissism and everything that goes with the toxic traits of others – you can’t ‘unlearn’ any of it.

You know what, though? Don’t feel foolish. Your heart never stopped being good, and you continue to see the best, or the potential best in people…

…Including the narcissist!

#5 Are They Happy You Healed?…

I can let you know firsthand that a narcissist isn’t going to be happy that you went off and healed.

They hate the idea of you becoming more independent in thought and knowledge. If you are wise, it’s because you’ve been able to understand why the narcissist acts how they do. 

They can’t stand you knowing the real them. Their facade has been ruined, and what they’ve spent a lifetime building, you’ve dismantled.