I know it’s a strange concept, but narcissists fear just like you or I.
You may not think it when you see their little smirked faces, or watch them as they parade around a crowd like they’re some kind of peacock, but it’s true.
The way they fear is what sets them apart from the rest of us – and they fear big time after you’ve left.
While you’re setting up the next part of your life, the narcissist is as fearful as anything.
Here’s exactly what they fear, and I’ll throw in the why for fun.
Getting With You
It’s the best thing for both of you, but for very different reasons.
For you, you’re made up. You have fallen so hard in love that you cannot believe your own luck.
The person you’ve been asking the universe for has shown up for you, and you feel like the luckiest person in the world.
For the narcissist? They’ve got you. Their charm has worked, and they watch you eating up every game they play on you like it was your last meal.
In both your eyes and the narcissists, this is a great time. The only difference is that you’re unaware of the real motive behind the get together.
Knowing What a Good Thing They Have
No sooner have they met you, they know what a good thing they have going on.
I mean, narcissists want it all, and you can bet they will find it in the person they ask to stay with. The work gets put in because the narcissist knows the outcome before you do.
What is perceived to be an innocent time in your life, where love is blooming, is now where the narcissist has you locked in, ready to manipulate you, control you, and abuse you.
Fear? Really?
Of course. Think about it.
If a person aims to abuse, and they’ve found the perfect person to do that, they’re going to be over the moon.
Which only leaves the raw fear they must have inside knowing one day this may all come to an end.
Pretending they don’t care if you leave them is only for show.
They’re already petrified.
The Narcissist: Fear and How it Presents
There are five steps to gaining knowledge about what narcissists fear. These are all relevant for when you leave them, and I personally don’t think any should be ignored.
#1 Loss of Control.
Narcissists thrive on controlling other people, so when you leave, they fear losing being able to manipulate and influence you.
What will they do without you?
#2 Exposure of Their True Self.
They’re terrified that you will reveal their toxic behavior to people they know, shattering that perfect image they work hard to maintain.
The worry that you’ll reveal the truth of what they’re really like fills them with fear.
#3 Abandonment.
Narcissists fear being both forgotten or replaced. You not being around any more is a threat to their self-worth.
#4 Seeing You Succeed Without Them.
Nothing scares a narcissist more than seeing you happy, thriving, and successful without them. It proves that they were not as essential as they believed they were – the best revenge!
#5 No Source of Narcissistic Supply.
Narcissists feed on admiration, attention, and a lot of emotional reaction. Losing you means losing a major source of that supply.
They don’t want to be empty and unimportant, but that’s what you will do when you leave.
How Narcissistic Fear Presents
Narcissists are never going to be scared. They won’t show fear in the way fear should be shown, because to them, that involves a degree of vulnerability that they simply cannot afford to part with.
Instead of being honest both with themselves and everybody else, you’ll see fear in other, more sinister ways.
- Rage and Aggression. When they’re scared, narcissists can lash out with intense anger, blaming and criticizing, or even threatening you to get control back.
- Smear Campaigns. Don’t put anything past them – they can spread lies and misinformation about you to damage your reputation just to protect their own image.
- Hoovering. Narcissists can try to lure you back with fake apologies. They can love-bomb, or promise to change, but it’s all designed to keep you close.
- Victim Mentality. They may play the victim, claiming you wronged them for sympathy from others, but this is about avoiding responsibility.
- Silent Treatment or Ghosting. Instead of direct confrontation, you might find some narcissists withdraw completely. They hope their absence will make you desperate for their attention again.
Doesn’t sound like a picnic, does it?
It’s not to their victims, and that’s why so many of you end up, or have ended up suffering.
And this kind of treatment takes time to heal from. Some carry it with them for the rest of their lives, which makes moving on from this kind of abuse really hard, very slow, and incredibly painful.
Knowing what you’re dealing with always helps you become the fountain of your own knowledge.
Being Alone
The most fear you can incite into a narcissist is when you leave them. As soon as you’ve made your mind up, the narcissist’s world totally combusts in on itself.
For such a long time, they’ve got used to living a certain way that has benefits to them.
They’ve been able to watch you suffer through the way they play games.
The wild look of joy on their face when they make you cry isn’t normal at all, but it’s what feeds their fire to keep doing it time and time again.
Being alone means they’re totally unable to do any of that any more.
Because – well – you’ve gone.
So being alone means they have nobody to abuse in the day-to-day.
One other thing the fear of a narcissist will raise…
Taking a Look at Themselves
Before you get excited, I don’t mean this in a self-reflective way – narcissists will never know how to do that!
If they did, none of us would have a problem, and I certainly wouldn’t have half the job that I have.
It means you’ve left them with nothing but a lot of time to be with themselves.
They suddenly have all these gaps in their day where they’d normally be up to tricks, hurting you and controlling you, and now it’s all free (or rather, empty).
Narcissists keep busy so they don’t have to face themselves, but if you leave suddenly, they are going to end up struggling quite a bit.
Shockingly, narcissists don’t even like themselves, they just pretend to for the sake of the perfect image they want you to believe is all true.
Snapping yourself out of the situation means you’re calling to put yourself first, and leaving them pretty high and pretty dry.
Leave Anyway
Taking the time to not get sucked up into feeling sorry for narcissists will be what ends up saving you.
If you wonder whether or not you’re doing the right thing, I urge you to do what you need to do, to heal.
Don’t stay just because you worry about watching them fall apart or punish you. Could it be worse than staying? No.
Leave anyway, and let them suffer.
