Oh dear. What happened? Does the narcissist want to sit down and talk about it? Do they need a cry?
Let’s all collectively give them a moment.
Yeah right.
They don’t deserve any of our time, but it’s quite hilarious to watch them in their various stages of…
…Oh shit. What do I do now?
So, let me be the one to walk you through those stages.
With pleasure!
Mistakes? Say What?
Don’t even try to tell them that they’ve made a mistake, they will only deny it and blame you for being ridiculous or toxic (the irony!)
Instead, I always find it more fun to sit back and observe them. And for me, it goes in stages that are all worth watching.
Once you learn the things they do when they make a mistake, you will pretty much have every narcissist covered from here on out.
First Things First: Who Saw?
This first stage is usually a lot of fun.
The narcissist has made the mistake, and they will want to look around and make sure nobody saw.
But what if somebody saw?
What if they were spotted?
The paranoia kicks in. Their cover cannot be blown, so they need to spot the spotter before it’s too late.
Damage control.
But the problem the narcissist has is that it can often be too late, and that’s where the panic really starts to fire up.
Second: Can I Smooth It Over?
I don’t know, narcissist. Can you smooth it over?
I’ve no doubt you’ll give it your best shot. After all, smoothing things over and pretending your mistakes never happened are your forte, right?
Listen, if a narcissist can sweep their errors under a carpet, they will. If they can make excuses, they will.
If they can run away from it and have somebody else walk into it, they will.
Narcissists are sweet-talkers, and many of them could talk themselves out of impossible situations.
Third Step: Who Can I Blame?
Right. It’s done, and the narcissist is really in trouble now. People are beginning to suspect them of foul play, so there’s only one way out of it alive…
…The narcissist has to blame somebody else.
Could it be you? In truth, it’s likely to be. If you’re the person who has always taken their falls as hits, you’re going to be dealing with yet another one.
Narcissists always need somebody who will declare their loyalty to them whenever they can. They want it all the time:
I will never turn my back on you.
I will always defend you.
You have my word.
Happy days, eh?
Not so happy for you, when everybody swarms you and not them. Suddenly you’re like a deer in headlights having to manage the fallout, while they’re running happily into the sunset.
There will always be somebody to blame in a narcissist’s world, which is why they make sure they have so many people hanging around them.
Four: Back Away and Pretend I Had Nothing to Do With It
Oh yes, what a good one!
A narcissist is so good at building the bonfire, lighting the fuse, and watching the smoke turn to a spark, and a spark to a flame.
They do it so subtly that you aren’t even aware anything’s going on at all.
Suddenly, you see flames, giant flames. Within a short space of time, the night sky is lit by yellow, orange and red flickers that are burning quickly and strongly.
But where is the narcissist now?
They’re long gone!
As far as they’re concerned, you can eat their dust!
Five: If All Else Fails: Laugh and Shrug
When you’re caught, you’re caught. There’s little you can do about it if all eyes are on you, and sometimes a narcissist will get caught in a room full of people.
When this happens, what choice do they have? They have to shrug and laugh it off.
They do this by acting as though it’s not a big deal, even though they will be panicking inside.
What you have to consider is how much of a big deal they don’t want you to make over it all. If they’ve got no way of escaping, watch for the awkwardness.
Oh of course!
I have no idea why I did that!
I must have forgotten to have my coffee this morning!
I swear I didn’t even intend on causing this (cue nervous laugh).
The problem is – mistakes can be big. They can be brutal. They can even be hurtful.
What does the narcissist do? They downplay them!
But hold on a minute! Does that seem fair when literally everything you do is picked apart by them?
Absolutely not!
Narcissists never forget your mistakes because they’re too busy wanting you to be constantly reminded of your imperfections.
But this is proof their mistakes exist, too! (Much to their disgust).
“Trying Not to Hate Myself”
Any mistake made is a little reminder that anything less than getting it right all the time means room for a little self-hate to creep in.
And it will, and does!
They try hard every day to make their hatred not appear to be too obvious, but it’s there. Mistakes highlight the concept that there’s no way out of some things.
I do feel sorry for narcissists here, because they just cannot like anything about themselves that’s genuine.
I wonder sometimes what it’s like to live that kind of life, and how sad and lonely it must make them feel underneath it all.
I don’t feel sorry for them enough to want to like them, but I see it must be such a negative daily battle they have with themselves.
It’s why their victims are made to feel it, too. To the narcissist, it’s only fair.
Size of The Mistake: “Do I Need to Move and Reinvent?”
Let’s get down to it, because size sometimes does matter.
It has been known (and I have known of some of them), for narcissists to up and move if their mistake was big enough. I am talking, ‘there’s no way back from any of this.’
Narcissists would rather start again somewhere brand new where nobody knows them, than stand up and face the consequences.
Can you believe that? They would rather end jobs, relationships and connections they’ve built to move to a new town or city, than do the right thing.
Reasons for this can be down to:
- Embarrassment
- Knowing there’s no going back
- Wanting to build their reputation and image to a new audience
- Being unable to get past the idea that people no longer see them as perfect
Quite hilarious the lengths they’d go to, right?
