You met somebody who ticks all your boxes, and it feels like heaven. Finally, a person you can put your trust into and firmly believe you have something good going on.
You love the life you share together. You’re in it forever.
But wait… There are some inconsistencies. Things don’t always add up, and you want to get to the bottom of exactly why.
Could it be that they’re living a secret life? Only these 5 signs will point you in that direction.
As much as you hate to admit it…
Secret lives and narcissists do go well together. Rarely will you meet one who is honest and who doesn’t have a little something going on to the side of them that you don’t know about.
Nothing will aid you in noticing any of this, because you will be too busy assuming all your dreams are coming true when in fact this is just the preface to the nightmare…
#1 They ghost you
Has the narcissist in your life gone days, even weeks without contact? They appear to dip in and out of the relationship when they want, and leave you hanging as you try pointlessly to get in touch.
Texting and calling amounts to nothing, and it’s as if you didn’t exist.
I hear cries of, “Tell me about it!”, as I write these words:
You wonder if it was all in your imagination.
It wasn’t. They really did treat you like royalty for that short period of time. And then they cut you out like they own the sharpest knife in the world.
So you’re left to assume the narcissist is living a secret life and you know what? Nine times out of ten, they are.
We’ve briefly touched on ghosting before in other topics, but it’s a real sign that you’re dealing with a narcissist.
Very rarely is there a good reason to ghost anybody, and I get that you want to hold onto the hope that perhaps they’re holed up in a hospital somewhere after being hit by a bus on their way to meet you, but they’re not.
They’re fine. They know what they’re doing, and they are aware of the pain it causes.
And so it lead you to this:
Ghosting is done by the weak, to the strong. You’re stronger than you think, but because you’re strong, you allow yourself to tolerate so much.
I say no more. Leave these narcissistic punks behind and get on with your life. Let them have their secret lives.
#2 They block you on and off
There’s nothing worse than intermittent contact. Blocking for the sheer sake of wanting to entice that narcissistic cycle of push and pull is cruel yet common with these types of people.
There’s nothing you can do to stop it because they are who they are, and the only way you’ll stop it is by walking away.
When they block and release, block and release, it’s because someone, somewhere else is having the opposite done to them in the hope you’ll never cross paths.
Secret life?
Sounds like they’ve got it all planned, and I think we underestimate them in this instance.
We want to believe at least they’re just off sulking somewhere and will come back when they feel better.
That in itself isn’t a great attitude to have toward being mistreated. However, you’re bypassing another potential truth of not being the only one in their lives in doing so.
#3 They always turn their phone down and never answer your calls
You matter only when it suits them. When you do matter, it’s never because of you as a person, but more them needing something from you.
I know it feels like you’re valued, and that’s your spot, right? It’s where you feel your best; where you thrive.
You like to know they’ve got your back as much as you’ve got theirs, but it’s just unfortunate that they don’t.
So it goes off, or at best, silent. And you call or text, and they just don’t answer because you’re not on their list of priorities and regardless of how much you wish you were, you never will be.
This behavior is childish as much as it is selfish, but all it does isnl reiterate the rather incorrect opinion you have that you aren’t important enough to be given the time.
If only you could see the truth. Secret lives exist, and if you’re on mute, they can enjoy that life.
#4 They always make excuses why they can’t see you
They come thick and fast, like snow in Wyoming every January! Are you ready for the amount of excuses you’re about to receive? Not only that, but the ridiculousness of those excuses?
Yeah. My car…. It totalled on the freeway. I can’t even get close to you today.
I’ve got this rash…
Work is crazy…
I know I promised, but something came up.
I wish I could see you, but my parents decided to pay a visit.
Come on. You parents live 5 hours away. This is not true! The excuses are weak and pathetic, but somehow you buy into them because you’ve learned to trust the narcissist.
This isn’t based on any necessary hard facts that allow for trust, but instead a series of programming acts or speeches by them that mean you fall into the trap of thinking they’re honest people.
Not seeing you means they’re seeing somebody else. They’re hardly at home on their own, are they? They’d not last five minutes in their own company!
#5 The fact that you feel it: Trust your gut!
The big one! And listen, I understand that trusting your gut doesn’t come as naturally to you as you want it to.
I know you think that your gut makes so many errors, but it doesn’t. Believe it or not, you can be talked out of the truth if the person talking is persuasive enough.
That pretty much ticks the boxes of all narcissists; they are very persuasive.
Feeling that they’re living a secret life has to be based on various pieces of evidence that you’ve gathered or noticed.
Those things aren’t your imagination, and I know there will be a big part of you that hopes they are.
You don’t want the reality to be heartache or lies. You want to think that there’s just some kind of mix up.
But no.
If you’re feeling it, you need to tap into that a little more. The body and mind don’t just make things up, they use the information they’re told to get to the bottom of it, and this might be something you have to do.
You don’t deserve to live alongside any secret life the narcissist has. Why should you?
You want to be in the kind of relationship that defines itself by the very honesty you set out to offer them.
If they can’t give that back, then that’s where your gut is going to try to warn you as much as it can.
So listen to it. You won’t regret it if you do.
