Put your fists down, you don’t need them. I know it seems like it might be a simple answer, but if you want to defeat a narcissist, you don’t have to step into the physicality of war at all.
In fact, let it be known that you can powerfully defeat them just by being you and standing in your own light.
Trust me, it’s brighter than you could ever imagine.
And it starts now!
#1 Be as cold as ice!
Your warmth has meant the narcissist has been able to get away with murder ever since you’ve known them.
Your warmth has meant the narcissist always has somebody to come home to, even when they abuse you.
Your warmth has shown the world that the narcissist treats you well enough that you stay with them through all the time you’ve been together.
This must mean they’re a great person to share life with.
Because of your warmth, you’ve never had a chance to defeat the narcissist.
Perhaps then, the wisest thing you can do for yourself, is to turn off the warm tap, and give them a blast of ice cold!
Flipping the heat will teach them that you are not always going to be there, and that you will fight them for everything they’ve stolen from you.
When I say to be as cold, this is what I mean:
- Refuse to pander to them
- When they give you the silent treatment, let them
- Stop making excuses for them, both to yourself and others
- Let the reality of who they are be the catalyst for you to distance yourself emotionally, mentally and physically
- Realize that you don’t need them to survive
- Don’t believe their lies and excuses
- Challenge them when they tell you that you’re sensitive or crazy with phrases such as, “My reality will not change, no matter how hard you try.”
This is one sure way to light up the panic inside of them, and really give them a reason to fear what’s happening. You don’t have to fulfil their requirements to be constantly forgiven.
Instead, you can forgive and empower yourself.
#2 Remain decisive
Narcissists will cut into your day and try to make you want to back out of every single thought or opinion that you have.
If you want to do something that they think will be too good for you, they will create a situation that causes you to back out of having that drive.
In an instant, they can take away your desire to want to get your hair cut, that’s how complex this can get.
When you’re swimming in the sea and swept out by the riptide, you have seconds to make a choice that will save you.
The other option is slipping underwater. If you know what to do, the former is possible, but without that knowledge, you’re a goner.
So here you are, in the metaphorical riptide of a narcissist.
They make it feel like you’re being swept up and out, away from your reality, meaning you feel more indecisive than ever.
Choose to acquire the knowledge, and you will be able to remain able to make your own decisions.
This defeats the narcissist by allowing yourself to stay in control, rather than have your independence be taken from you and replaced by their power, control and dominance.
Long term, you’re asking for a lot of trouble for yourself if you give this core part of your identity up, so fight for it.
#3 Use their narcissistic traits against them
If the narcissist wants to act up, you can cherrypick traits to use against them. And this isn’t about playing games as such, but it’s about seeing what they do to you, and finding the best way to allow yourself to do the same.
I’ll give you an example.
You come home from work tired, yet the moment you walk in the door, the narcissist wants to know why you’re seven minutes late, and what you will be cooking for dinner, and also where their favorite shirt is that you said you washed.
You just want to come in and take a few breaths, but instead, you fall over yourself to apologise for being late, and you promise the dinner will be tasty, and you dash off to fetch the shirt you put away yesterday after you ironed it.
You put your needs aside to keep the peace, but if the tables were turned, the narcissist will be yelling at you for some breathing room.
I just walked in the door, why don’t you get off my back for once?!
I’m not suggesting you yell, but I am suggesting you firmly say something like:
Once I get in and wash, I will come downstairs and we can talk. I’ve had a long day, and I need to shrug the day off before I can answer you properly.
Instead of reacting, you’re controlling the situation at a time they would usually dominate, and that’s where you can find real power.
#4 State facts
I have a text here saying that you didn’t want to go.
You are shouting at me, and I do not appreciate it.
You are accusing me of doing something that I wasn’t even here to do. I was at work.
You are telling me that I’m the problem, when in fact, this whole thing started when you chose to ignore me for no reason last night.
Relaying facts is the narcissist’s worst nightmare. They don’t think you’ll remember, but you do.
And as much as they may try to talk or walk their way out of it, they can’t.
It’s a powerful way to defeat them, because they think they’ve gaslighted you enough to confuse you, but they’re wrong.
Instead, they underestimated you, and now you get to lean into your power and fight them.
Seeing as narcissists love to lie, your facts will trample all over them.
#5 Know when to disengage
I think this is probably one of the most important things you can do if you want to defeat a narcissist.
There is so much power in knowing when to disengage. All it takes is knowing where your limit is, and disengaging before you get to that point.
Usually, the narcissist will goad you to react, burst into tears, shout, scream, beg, whatever it might be.
This time, you get to say, “I feel what’s coming, and I know how it ends up when we both get to that point.”
Now the narcissist is watching you like they normally would, waiting for that build up and bursting point.
Only this time, it won’t come. This time, you have learned to simmer down and stop getting involved in their tricks and games.
Disengaging leaves the narcissist high and dry. Where they may once have got a healthy source of supply from you in the midst of all that conflict, you’re this time leaving them with nothing.
Without even trying, you are defeating the narcissist, and showing them that the answer to their manipulation was within you all along.
Once you get a taste of disengagement, you won’t want to stop.
