Do you need to know everything?
In this case, you probably do, and whatever you do with that information is entirely up to you.
Narcissists can be annoyed by you without you even realizing it – and it causes them untold pain.
I always think it’s a good idea to know what you do that pains them – and what you do with that information?
Well – that’s up to you!
Let’s Decode “Pain”
When you’re hurting, the chances are you will probably cry, talk about what’s going on, and work to feel better over time.
In life, pain is inevitable. We feel it when we lose people we love, or if somebody we care deeply about hurts us.
We feel pain if we witness pain, or if we hit a hard road. As much as it hurts, it’s a part of life.
Narcissists are still capable of feeling pain, but it looks very different to the pain you or I may present with.
For the, pain can evolve into:
Rage.
Jealousy.
Ghosting.
Anger.
Indifference.
I feel at this point like you’re nodding your head and knowing exactly what I am talking about, because you recognize those same feelings in the narcissist you have in your life.
You’ve witnessed it for yourself, and you’re probably wondering what causes that rise within them.
#1 You Exist Without Needing Their Approval
Isn’t it wonderful to just exist, without wanting or feeling the need to please anybody?
And don’t get me wrong, there’s a fine line between not caring, and not caring what people think.
Maintaining that balance is crucial – you want to be mindful of others feelings without giving too much, or too little in return.
But the biggest piece of advice I can give you is just to be you.
Needing approval can stem from a past that really didn’t serve you well. Looking for ways to make your parents notice you, or love you can be hard.
Anything you do may give you the nod you need to know that they care – even if for a brief time.
Unlearning that behavior is difficult, but not impossible. When you have unlearned it, you can exist without calling on their approval.
Will it cause them pain?
Yes.
But so what?
#2 You Stay Calm When They Try to Trigger You
I will start this off with a quote that you will never forget:
Staying calm does wonders for you.
I know that might sound a little obvious, but dig a little more.
What does the narcissist want from you? They want you to crack, crumble and break. As they do, they win. They see you upset, maybe you shout back, or perhaps you cry regularly.
So what happens if you’re calm?
You’re balanced. You feel good. Your body physiologically thanks you for it, too.
When your emotions fly out into space, where do you go? I’d say you feel:
- Stressed.
- Anxious.
- Depressed.
- Your heart is racing.
- Your chest is rising and falling with each second.
- Palpitations.
- The tears rise within you.
The narcissist draws out the worst in you.And you feel it. And if I can be so brutally honest, the short and long term effect it has on you can be something else.
So what do you do?
You stay calm.
It’s a way of totally cutting the narcissist off, giving them nothing. And you get to be the person who keeps and stays well.
It’s hardly what the narcissist wants, but it should be what you want.
We all know it’s what you deserve.
Triggers can be hard to ignore, but with time and practice, you can learn not to flare yours up at the poke of the narcissist.
#3 You Show Real Empathy — Something They Lack
It’s strange how empathy can be such a natural trait to some, and to others it means nothing at all.
Those who hold high levels of it within them are far more likely to be targeted by a narcissist, who only sees it as a source of supply.
It’s a pain that a narcissist has to either learn or act their way through moments of compassion.
They have to watch others to mirror them in times of sadness because they just don’t have the tools to let it flow.
And it’s even crazier to me that your empathy – or any empathy at all – actually pains them.
Can you imagine living in a way that you get emotionally disjointed by a person who is kind?
I’ll tell you why this happens.
It happens because the narcissist sees the credit you get for being a good person. The reputation that goes along with it.
The trust people have in you to support them in their time of need without asking for anything in return.
It’s painful for the narcissist, who works day and night to fight for an ounce of attention.
And you don’t mean anything by it. You don’t see attention, you’re just a good person doing what you’re doing.
That’s what pains the narcissist the most.
#4 Your Confidence
Confidence is quiet. It isn’t loud because it doesn’t need to be. It’s a trait in people that sits and works and lives and breathes without effort or the idea that it can be erased by a person such as a narcissist.
Your confidence gets you what you want in the most subtle of ways. It gives you the chance to seek success, feel comfortable in your own skin, and love the person that you are without compromise.
If that kind of genuine confidence existed in everybody, narcissists wouldn’t exist.
They really wouldn’t, because we would all feel great in what we do, without the worry of fitting in, or secret insecurities that eat away at us.
Your confidence is the worst thing about you, according to the narcissist. It is so strong that none of their manipulative moves penetrates it. They can’t get to you, and they know it.
It’s a painful realization for them, but it’s also the one thing that reminds them of how much they secretly hate themselves, too. You trigger them without even trying!
Every day they watch you grow, and they even watch you make mistakes and laugh about them because you don’t let a setback set you back.
Imagine having a light that shines that brightly!
#5 You’re Healing (and They Know It)
You’ve been to hell and back. What a time it was, and most of it I bet you’d wish you could just forget.
As it transpires, you are moving on. You’re healing. And no, it might not be linear, but you are in a different emotional and mental (and obviously physical) place than you were.
The narcissist has felt you slipping out of their grasp for a while, and with each millimeter you move away, they feel that little more crazy.
They know there’s no going back from this. They’ve lost you for good and they feel a pain that only reminds them of the supply they’ve lost.
Healing takes a while, but once you start the journey, few people retreat and go back to their old lives.
Why would you, when the future looks so bright?
