Sometimes you just have to look for the things that aren’t necessarily glaring at you right in the face.
Looking rather than listening will give a lot away about a person, and as much as you hear all the words, it’s helpful to step back and really see what’s going on.
If you want to walk the honest road, you’ve got to look for the signs to get there.
I want to help you, with these 5 nonverbal signs a narcissist is lying to you.
It’s time.
Looking Closely
When you look at some paintings from a distance, they look great, don’t they? The picture seems clear, and you can make out what it stands for.
Then you step a little closer. You see cracks, strange marks, or even detailed images that change or skew your initial thoughts on the meaning of the painting.
Oh.
I thought it meant this, but now I see there are actually quite a few flaws.
Of course!
Because you looked for what wasn’t staring at you right in the face initially.
That’s what I want you to do right now.
#1 Microexpressions That Don’t Match Their Words
One of the strongest pieces of feedback I get from victims of narcissistic abuse is this:
When you look at a narcissist, the way they are acting does not match what you see in their eyes.
A smile is a smile, and we are all drawn to them like we’re drawn to the sun after a period of darkness. But you know what? A smile can hide a lot.
Victims are always telling me that the eyes are where the truth sits, and the narcissist’s eyes are like nothing I have ever seen before.
They’re dark.
Empty.
Lifeless.
Even slightly closed.
They do not sparkle or smile. Instead, they’re filled with all the toxic ways the narcissist is plotting against you. They tell the story of a life of being incapable of love.
And it’s sad, but it’s a very strong nonverbal way to tell a narcissist is lying to you.
I love you.
I promise.
Everything’s fine.
I want to marry you.
I think you’re amazing.
I can’t wait.
Look at the eyes.
They’re forever disinterested.
Then there’s the flip side of the coin.
You’re a terrible person.
You’re so useless.
You look tired and haggard.
I don’t think you’re equipped for the promotion you want.
Look at the eyes.
They’re jealous. They’re wanting to drag you down to feel bad about yourself.
They’re full of hate.
Why else would anybody be so cruel like that?
#2 Excessive Eye Contact vs. None at All
Look at me, look at me, look at me.
I’m not lying.
See?
If you look deep into my eyes, you will see the truth.
It’s funny though, isn’t it? I mean, what are you looking at? You’re looking into a set of eyes and trying to be convinced that what you see is the truth.
And don’t get me wrong, I value your intelligence, but it’s being compromised by the narcissist here.
They will damn convince you that what you see is the truth, and it truly is like being hypnotized by them.
So then what? You are programmed to believe any lie and see it as the truth.
In contrast, you might not even see any eye contact at all!
No matter what you say or do, the narcissist refuses to look you in the eye. You think they’re busy, or distracted, but the fact is – they are avoiding you.
#3 Inconsistent Body Language
Body language is one of the key components of being able to tell if somebody is lying to you, especially narcissists.
They usually appear so confident, but it really only takes one thing to throw them off – and that can be their own dishonesty.
I say watch them, and let them prove to you that they’re not telling the truth.
Look out for:
- Turning away from you as they’re telling you something. They don’t want to see you react to it because then they might give their game away. Instead, they cower away, and continue on their quest to expel bullshit.
- Lots of blinking. Narcissists do this to try to avoid looking at you for too long incase, similar to before, you catch them out or they crack.
- They do the opposite physically as what they’re telling you. Things like telling you that you’re so attractive or hot, but refusing to touch you. That doesn’t mean you aren’t, it simply means they’re quite intimidated and fearful of getting close to you – or anybody.
- Folded arms. Narcissists love an ‘me vs. you’ move, and this is a classic. They will try to keep you at a distance, or away from what they’re telling you for fear of being discovered.
Open people are fairly open in body language, too. There’s no barrier, other than the usual healthy boundaries that take place.
#4 Listen to the Voice: Sudden Changes in Tone or Speed
You can almost hear the overthinking or overcompensating in real time, can’t you?
It doesn’t really matter what they say, it’s how they are saying it that counts.
The changes in tone or speed are designed to try to throw you off course, or even catapult them away from what they’re saying at that moment.
It’s as if they’re beginning to be believed. Begging to see you fall into the next trap they’ve set up for you. And you know what? Over time, they learn how to do this well.
I don’t want you to be the person who falls into it all every day of your life. Lies are not meant to be something you adjust to, and get used to.
They’re dangerous, and narcissists are the authors of these lies.
If you’re listening out for any way their tone changes and shifts, you’re definitely listening out for ways they’re trying hard to work their lies into your nervous system.
#5 Forced: Faking Emotions
There’s nothing worse than seeing a forced smile, is there?
As somebody who thrives in environments of authenticity, forced emotions are a horrible way to try to judge a situation as it unfolds.
You want to be able to know that the person you’re with or talking to is genuinely enjoying it, and not trying to put an effort into making you believe it to be true and good.
It’s a real sign that they’re lying, and if I can be honest, it makes victims feel pretty shitty about themselves.
So this is where I ask you:
Have you ever seen forced or fake emotions?
If you have, you’ll know how cutting it can feel to be on the receiving end. You want to believe what they’re saying is true because the words are nice.
They love you.
They care.
They want to marry you someday.
But the happiness behind it seems rushed, rehearsed, and already words they regret saying.
Learning to decipher the fake will help you come to terms with the fact that nothing the narcissist says or does is true.
That should help you move on quicker than denying there is a problem at all.
