A narcissist thinks they can get away with treating you however they like, but I know a secret, and I want to share it with you.
Boundaries petrify them. Your strength in determining what you will and won’t tolerate are their absolute worst nightmare, so let me be clear.
With these 5 boundaries, you are sure to terrify the narcissist you know and make them fear you. And remember – never back down!
No screaming necessary
I think everybody always assumes that in order to put fear into somebody, you have to raise your voice and start screaming.
It’s an assumption that noise equates to power, but that’s where I have to say that is not the case, especially here.
With narcissists, they actually fear you being quiet. In fact, the quieter you are, the more they panic.
Where is your reaction? Why aren’t you begging and pleading with them to love you?
Why aren’t you bending over backward just to receive a little validation?
You don’t need these moves in order to terrify them. You just need to step back, lift your head high, and pick a boundary from below. The more, the merrier!
#1 “I’m not explaining myself again”
Why should you have to explain yourself more than once to somebody who just will not set out to understand you?
Listen, if you’re speaking, the narcissist is making notes. Sometimes they want to hear you talk again in case there’s anything they’ve missed, to check if your story is straight, or to test you to see how much of it all you can take.
If you ask somebody something enough times, they get confused and might spill out something they don’t mean to, even if it isn’t true.
Think about people who are arrested and questioned in police stations. Spanish inquisition comes to mind!
So stop it. Apply that boundary. Tell them you’re not there to keep repeating yourself and that you refuse to keep doing it.
Watch the look on their face as they realize you are no longer a person to be messed with.
Enjoy the satisfaction that comes with telling them what you need to tell them, then getting on with your day.
This is the kind of clarity where you win.
#2 Taking longer to text back
You’re not there for every beck and call, are you? Since when did you have to drop everything just to text the narcissist back?
And trust me, they will text you at the most awkward time to test you, making sure you are there for them.
They don’t care if you’re in the middle of driving, or in the middle of getting bloodwork; you will answer!
I say not any more. Let them panic. Where did you go? Who are you with? The narcissistic paranoia will no doubt kick in and you’ll be the one in charge for once, and it will feel so good.
And that’s what I want you to remember, guys. The narcissist is always paranoid.
The second you start doing things you’ve never done, they will know they’re on borrowed time.
But it’s a boundary for you to have, right? Why should you dedicate your life to pressing pause just to appease them?
Nobody should be that entitled. You reply when you can, and if you forget, it shouldn’t be the end of the world. And if it is (for them…) tough!
#3 Not sharing everything
Stop oversharing!
There’s such a big difference between letting somebody know some things about you or your day, to telling them every aspect of your life.
Where you were, how you felt, what you thought, what you did next… just don’t do it.
These people will hook every word you say and cling onto them, using them against you at a later date.
More than that, oversharing will give you zero privacy in your own life. If you tell them you’re joining a new class for yourself as a hobby because you want to build confidence in something, I would wager a bet that they would ask to come along. This is a classic case of less is more.
Keep as much as you can private, and let them wonder. It’s a boundary that you’ll never regret.
#4 Say “no” without giving a reason
We all know that no is a sentence within itself, but how often do you remind yourself of that when you say it?
Do you often find yourself needing to explain after? You want to almost fall over yourself to justify your answer, and narcissists will love that you do this.
It gives them the impression that they’re worthy of your explanation. They feel like they’re important enough to have access to your reasons.
Wrong. Nobody is that important.
When you offer your reasons, what you’re doing is giving them information. Information they love being privy to. At least then, there’s this air of knowledge that circles them.
Without that knowledge, who is the narcissist? What kind of power do they really have?
None. So make it a boundary that no is enough, because I promise you, it is.
#5 Leave when things get toxic
What are you hanging around for? If things are the most toxic they can get, what is it that’s keeping you from walking out the door?
I know life is never as easy as you want it to be. When you’ve made your mind up about something, you want to stick to it and make the best move for yourself, but often victims stay.
When you have to make a choice, there’s the easy option, and there’s the difficult option.
Most gravitate to the easy because – well – it’s easy. But what if the difficult choice, the choice to break away from everything you’ve been programmed to believe about yourself and the world – was the choice that would set you free?
If you stick around, you will never escape the cycle of abuse. Things go from amazing to terrible in a matter of hours, and it can get addictive.
You wait for the highs by riding through the lows, but that’s exactly where the narcissist is happiest.
They love you sticking around and making it easy for them to steal your joy.
They love you to be where they can see – and continue to – abuse you. And if you make the choice to go, they will have nothing.
They know they can’t beg you to stay. They know nothing they say will make you change your mind.
And that terrifies them.
There is an alternative
Boundaries are always the alternative to being abused, and it’s the first place to start if you want to turn the tables.
If you’re anything like most survivors, you will probably feel a twinge of guilt at applying them, especially when it means letting the narcissist down.
But be honest with yourself, are you really letting them down, or are you actually putting the fear of God into them by doing what is overdue?
The alternative to a life of misery, is a life of principles. I know you’ve got it in you to make it happen.
