Before we get started, I want you to know that narcissists don’t walk around openly fearing everything.
If they did – they wouldn’t be able to live with themselves.
A big ‘however’ coming up…
However…
Narcissists still fear. They fear, and they loathe, and they hide it all.
Why do they hide it all, Alexander?
Okay. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about narcissists, it’s that they have to hide what they cannot allow anybody to see.
Let me explain a little more deeply…
Narcissists on the Outside
There is a huge bubble of ego around the outside of the narcissist. This ego appears unbreakable but weaker than it looks by far.
Once you get past that bubble, you’ll see a person living in constant fear. Hard to believe when they’re so tough and full of bravado on the outside, I know. The trouble is, they’re even more terrified than you could ever imagine, and it’s all because they can’t stand showing it to the world.
They don’t want to, and they won’t.
As Fragile as Can Be
The fragility of a narcissist is never up for debate. It’s there, and it holds onto their fears far more than you’d imagine.
Narcissists feel shame surrounding their fears, which to me just seems incomprehensible. It’s human nature to be scared sometimes, or to fear something huge happening in your life.
People can be known to sidestep something, just so they don’t have to face their fears. Narcissists won’t admit what they fear secretly, so you never know when they’re doing that sidestepping.
Why Hide?
Well, simply put, it’s better to hide and pretend to be strong than to expose and reveal weakness.
The narcissist lives by their sword, and will die by their sword. Expect nothing else.
The Fears of the Narcissist – 5 Fears They Hide From You
Buckle up – because these fears are all designed to expose the narcissist’s real character.
#1 Failure
Narcissists hate failure. They hate failing, and they hate you failing.
Failing to please them.
Failing to give them any attention.
Failing an exam.
They will remind you of your failures for a long, long time because they love you to know that you can’t do it all, and that you aren’t perfect, like them.
When a narcissist fails – it’s the end of the world. You know, sometimes they do. They don’t get that job they wanted, or they don’t pass that test.
They will act like it doesn’t matter, or that it was the fault of the person interviewing or testing them, but in reality, they’re terrified.
They fear why they lost, and the idea that they didn’t do or say something right in order to get over that line of success.
They fear it so badly because they fear not appearing or being good enough. It’s why they constantly overcompensate by trying to be the best of the best all the time.
If everybody sees that version of them, nobody would be able to get close to those inner fears, right?
#2 Being Outed as a Narcissist
Being outed as a narcissist is a huge fear for them.
I want to start by saying that there will always be a way out for them. If they’re accused of the very thing they are, they will blame you, smear your name to others; punish you in as many ways as possible.
Denial is their middle name.
However…
…Everything changes for the narcissist as soon as you figure out the person they truly are. When you uncover their moods and begin to stand up to their unforgiving behavior, you are letting them know one thing:
You know. And nothing is going to be the same from now on.
What does that look like to the narcissist?
Well, nothing being the same means the narcissist can no longer manipulate you. They were used to pushing and pulling you like the tide. Their control over you became something you gave them unwillingly over time, but it was something you learned to silently accept.
I’ve lost count of the amount of people who have told me that as soon as they outed the narcissist in their life, nothing was the same again.
The narcissist fears this. They have a unique system set up, and the supply they need from others is drawn out from certain people at certain times. It’s how they function, and they get used to that.
Their fear is having all of that stripped from them. They fear that dynamics shift, because they don’t know where or how they’re going to be able to replace it.
#3 Rejection
Narcissists live the kind of life that you would assume has zero room for fear. They exude confidence (too much most of the time). They love to show off and brag about what they have, where they’re going on vacation, how much this or that cost…
Narcissists love to be accepted. They want to feel part of something, so that eventually they can dominate. The rest is history if they can get a foot in the door.
Rejection does happen to narcissists. When it does, you see a side of them that you never thought you’d see. They can cover up their fear with anger, or rage, or even laugh it off like it means nothing.
Only you, the narcissist expert, can tell something has annoyed them.
The fear of rejection comes from the innate entitlement that they must have everything. They have to succeed, they have to be loved and admired by everybody, and nobody can let them down or reject them.
If they do, it will only fuel their inner fires of insecurity—and believe me, that fire is huge.
#4 Losing
If a narcissist loses, you will see a spoiled child appear before you. They can throw tantrums, they can go off sulking, they can ignore you.
When they do, it isn’t because they are simply’ a little immature.’ It’s so much more.
This is about their perfect image being shattered, especially in front of others. They may be getting laughed at or mocked when usually they do it to everybody else.
When the shoe is on the other foot, they fear that the perfection they portray will be seen as nothing but an illusion.
#5 You Leaving
If you leave, what does that tell the narcissist?
It tells you that you’re strong enough to walk away. It gives the message that you refuse to be caught up in this cycle of abuse a moment longer. It also tells them that you don’t want to be with them.
And that?
Well, that is seen as a huge worry for them. They almost fear your lack of supply as much as you being okay without them. If the one person who said they loved them doesn’t need them, then what hope is there?
Of course, they will never tell you they fear you leaving. The bravado will paint quite the opposite picture.
But when you do … you’ll know about it.
