You have a narcissistic parent, and you know that either yourself, or a sibling is going to be the child they destroy first.
You watch them, trying to look for signs as to who it is. When you find out who, that’s only part of the problem. The other part is why.
Well, your toxic parent has reasons, and they may surprise you.
Here are the 5 brutal truths about why narcissistic parents pick one child to destroy first.
#1 Narcissists and kids
Narcissists have kids, too. There is nothing stopping each one having a dozen or more if they wanted.
It’s sick to think that there are toxic people breeding kids who end up being toxic.
But that’s not the worst of it. The worst part is that not all of the narcissist’s kids will end up being narcissists themselves.
You have the golden child; the one who can do no wrong, the one easiest to manipulate.
They golden child is the one the narcissist most sees themselves in, with similar traits and characteristics.
They are the children who comply, who enable, who validate, and who defend their narcissistic parent.
They’re the favorite because the narcissist likes them the best. But don’t get it twisted.
Liking them the best doesn’t mean they’re better than you, it simply means they are far easier to control.
Then there is the scapegoat; the child who sees it all, and asks questions. They speak up at the first sign of injustice, and they see the abuse, knowing it isn’t right.
They are actually the strongest of the narcissist’s children, but are put to the test with ill treatment, unfair control, and an extra dose of abuse.
#2 Anybody can be a parent
It makes me pretty sad to talk about this, but I have to raise it when the topic fits.
Anybody can be a parent.
You assume that all children are born into the world because they are wanted, and will be loved by their parents, but it’s just not the case at all for so many – too many for my liking.
Narcissists are included in this, and as they become parents, they become less important overnight. As soon as that baby is born, the narcissist is no longer the center of attention.
The upside to the narcissist having a baby, in their eyes, is the ability to play on that fact.
Controlling the dynamics so they always remain in control and as those children get older, they become more and more able to pull the strings and have the final say in everything.
The level of authority with narcissistic parents can be frightening, and the whole family is forced to look up to them as the one in charge…
…Just how the narcissist likes it.
So, let’s get into those five brutal truths…
#3 One: Somebody has to be destroyed
The first brutal truth about why narcissistic parents pick one child to destroy first, is that it has to be somebody.
A narcissist will get to know either kids more than you’d probably notice, and that’s because they’re looking for certain characteristics and personality traits.
They want to be able to determine which child will be destroyed first, and it will usually be the one easiest to react.
Picking the one most likely to be a strong source of supply for the narcissist will be exactly what triggers the abuse toward them.
It’s sad that we even have to talk about this, because I know you will be just like me, and be thinking:
But these are kids!
That’s the worst part.
#4 Two: The scapegoat: traits of the strongest
So we move into scapegoat territory. As you know now, they’re most likely to be targeted first, and destroyed by the narcissist because to the narcissist, they are the ones who are going to feel it the most.
Narcissists thrive on tears, even if those tears belong to their own children.
The strongest child will feel the injustice of their destruction the most, and fight constantly to be seen before realizing they’re fighting a losing battle.
The narcissistic parent wants to be like the scapegoat deep down. They want to be carefree, unafraid to be vulnerable, and full of the kind of sense they wish they had a fraction of.
That’s why narcissists are keen to destroy them first.
#5 Three: Consequences of being a scapegoat
Scapegoats suffer exponentially from the abuse they receive from their narcissistic parent.
They experience prolonged periods of trauma growing up, including chronic anxiety, depression, guilt, and C-PTSD.
They self-sabotage, and have trouble trusting others, and that’s all due to how they were treated growing up.
Life isn’t easy, but if we backtrack, the narcissist picked them to destroy first knowing they would cause their child to crumble under their control.
This child will have spent years being blamed, and internalizing blame. They will ultimately struggle with self-worth and boundaries until they get real, professional help.
#6 Four: What it means for the family dynamic
The family dynamic can totally change based on what the scapegoat wants as an outcome for themselves.
If the scapegoat speaks up about their abuse, which we know they likely will, then it will cause division within the family.
Some people will side with them, others will side with the narcissistic parent. This is normal, but it does create a dynamic the narcissist isn’t fully able to control.
Narcissists can destroy this child in particular, while weakening them so that they can blame the eroding mental health on what their child is saying.
They’ve always been anxious, I wouldn’t pay them any attention.
You know what they can get like. For some reason, they’ve always struggled.
Blaming their mental health on why they are speaking up about abuse is evil, especially when that flailing mental health is because of their toxic parent .
#7 Five: Scapegoat sensitivity is a winner for the narcissist
The sensitivity of the scapegoat is always going to play well into the hands of the narcissistic parent. It can also be a great way for the narcissist to gaslight their child:
You always did feel your emotions too much.
You never did like to shy away from the more sensitive emotions in life.
Your sensitivity isn’t a problem, and should never be treated like an issue, but the narcissistic parent will make it so.
That’s a huge problem for the scapegoat growing up and trying to live some kind of normal life, but trust me when I say, the narcissist knows what they’re doing.
Remember, even though the golden child is the favorite, it’s only because they comply.
In a different way, their lives are also being destroyed as they refuse to step out independently and say no to being controlled.
The scapegoat at least knows the truth, and admits to it, even if they do have to suffer immensely for it.
