I’m sure nobody wants to walk around unknowingly attracting toxic people, but there are traits narcissists are always looking out for.
As they scan rooms for their next victims, there will be 4 things the narcissist wants to notice.
When they can start ticking them off their list, then you are officially made to be their next target.
That spells trouble for you, but with your wits about you and some strong boundaries, you can avoid them.
Is it chemistry, or is it calculation?
Upon first meeting the narcissist, you’ll feel like you’ve met the person of your dreams.
I know it’s a strong feeling, and you’ll be convinced you’ve never felt anything like this before.
Could this be it?
This feels like an end game.
The attraction is so strong.
I never believed I’d meet somebody who I had such strong initial feelings for.
This person is the answer to all my dreams, and problems.
Without the magnetic force of the narcissist, would it be possible to feel all of that?
Without their forceful smile and attention thrown on you, would you feel so special?
From your perspective, all your prayers are being answered. You’ve got your rom-com movie moment.
From the perspective of the narcissist, they’ve managed to find their next victim and trick them into believing the mask is real.
This is a calculated effort from the narcissist to find their next victim, and nothing more.
What you thought you meant to them, you do not. You could be anybody as long as you fit the criteria.
It’s the worst reality to face when you’re trying to heal from narcissistic abuse.
To know you were not what they said you were can make a person feel totally worthless, but that’s where you need to remember just how cruel they are.
This was never about you.
#1 Your empathy
You walk into a room and can immediately feel everybody’s energy. You’re sensitive to what’s happening around you.
You feel other people’s pain. You put others before you because in those moments, you don’t matter as much as they do.
You want to help people, and there’s a big part of you that likes to fix what you can when you can.
You’re an empath.
You are like gold in a mine to a narcissist, who wants to take advantage of all those pure and honest traits within you.
They know they can get your forgiveness after everything they do to you that’s wrong, because you just want to forgive and see the good at all times.
With empathy being the one trait they lack, they spend each day and night trying to fake it.
If somebody is feeling down or needs support or a shoulder to cry on, the narcissist wants to be that person.
They want to be trusted, but the only reason is so they can come out looking like the good guy, the trusted guy.
Your empathy not only serves them well, it also means they’ve got you to mirror when they need to look like they give a damn about other people.
#2 Your loneliness
It might not be overly apparent to you that your loneliness is so obvious, but it will be seen by the narcissist within minutes of meeting you.
They see it in your eyes. They see the way your face lights up when they go over and pay attention to you, showering you with compliments.
#3 The way you need to prove your worth
It comes from an early age, and never fully leaves those who don’t learn that your worth is nothing that needs to be proven to anybody else.
Listen, if you’re living your life trying to impress other people, or show that you are capable of doing something, then you aren’t living to please yourself.
How exhausting it must be to wake up every day living for the standards of others, and how damaging to the self that you put yourself through it.
Worth isn’t external, and I think that’s what most people forget. It’s not about what you give out to the world, it’s about who you are inside, and what you think of that person.
There should be no reward in your performance of being you, there should just be ‘being you.’
Narcissists will see this need to prove your worth though, and for them, that’s like hitting the jackpot. Why?
- It means they get to determine your worth
- It means they can program you into believing that your worth is based on what they tell you
- They get to control you
- They can manipulate you, making you feel terrible if they deem your worth not good enough
- They get to move the goalposts. You think you’re worthy? Watch as they change their mind
Your character, your integrity, your compassion – that’s where your worth is found, and you already possess all of those traits.
Honestly, if you let go of needing to prove your worth, you will feel freer than you’ve ever felt. Plus, you’ll no longer be a target for narcissists!
#4 Your silence
You were no accident to them. You were sought after and found through the masses of other people who could have been with the narcissist.
Your silence is a big part of that. They watch as you learn to keep quiet when it matters.
You don’t like to speak up and out against injustice as you’d much rather keep the peace and let things be still.
Your hesitation to speak up simply means you are the perfect target for the narcissist! Imagine how happy they are when they see how much they’re able to get away with, while you smile and tolerate it all in silence.
Imagine the sheer joy in their gut when they know they can treat you however they want to, and you won’t tell anybody.
When a narcissist wants to find a new partner, they pretty much go out to shop for one.
They have an invisible checklist that enables them to find the perfect person to make their next victim.
You will fit that criteria if you allow your silence to be weaponized against you.
Your silence matters. In a world where staying silent is worse than speaking up, it’s important to find your voice in narcissistic relationships.
I know how difficult that must sound when you’re almost congratulated for keeping quiet.
You like to see the narcissist happy with you, so you stay that way to try to keep things positive.
But it has to end.
I am certain you don’t want to be known as the person who tolerated a narcissist for the rest of your life, and finding your voice is the perfect way to push that away.
Finally, you can have what you want: to no longer be a target for any narcissist, not just the one you might have in your life right now.
Your voice is louder than theirs, and it will silence them the moment you learn to speak up for yourself, and for what is fair.
Your voice is their biggest fear. Use it!
