When the time comes where you finally stand up to the narcissist, you’re going to be feeling a lot of emotions.

That empowerment doesn’t come easy, and what makes it harder is that this is the very thing the narcissist will take from you.

When you get it back and own it, there’s really no going back.

As for the narcissist – well – there are things they will do in response.

I’ve got them all here for you.

Prepare For a Hard Time

I never promise a bed of roses in this journey of recovery from narcissistic abuse. 

I won’t lie – it’s hard to stand up to a narcissist. They’ve gotten so used to you being at their beck and call.

You’ve got so used to playing your own part, and slipping further into the hollowest version of yourself to exist. 

The dynamics feel as though they’re never going to change, so what do you do?

My advice is always to do what you feel is true. Once you start figuring out who the narcissist really is underneath all them asking, there’s never any room to go back in time. You can’t undo the awakening once your eyes begin to open.

Don’t Avoid Standing Up – That’s What They Want

Of course that’s what they want!

They don’t want to hear your voice. They love and thrive on your silence. 

But by keeping quiet, you’re feeding their motive, and that motive is extremely dangerous. 

Punishment 

I’ll tell you to prepare for it all, and as I do, I also extend a hand of sympathy. 

Punishment looks like:

• Rage. You’re really going to see the narcissist at their most angry.
• Words will cut you like a knife. The narcissist will be as unkind, even evil, as they possibly can to seek their revenge in that moment. 
• You will also likely lose people around you as the narcissist uncovers a smear campaign ready to ruin your reputation. 

Punishment will immediately place you in the role of the lesser person, or the child in the dynamic, no matter your age.

If you refuse to accept it and keep standing up and speaking out, you will avoid that trap. 

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Silence

Silence is the most anxiety-inducing way for a narcissist to get to you when you stand up to them.

They will act as though you don’t matter, which really links in with the rest of your time with them, doesn’t it?

Strange Looks? Here’s Why!

I want to get a little more specific now. Only then will you be able to either relate, or look out for what narcissists can really do when you stand up to them. 

The Smear Campaign

Smear campaigns are a cold and calculated way for narcissists to isolate you and make everybody think you’re a terrible person. 

You know that you aren’t, yet you see people literally dropping like flies away from you because of what they hear from the narcissist.

This person is crazy. 

They’re obviously missing me and are saying anything to get my attention.

I always knew there was something not quite right with them.

They always told me the same things about you, too. 

It seems they’re trying to cause problems. 

I’d urge you to steer clear of them for your own sake. 

I see it all the time with victims, and they lose so much sleep over the changes that are happening in their life due to it. 

It’s out of their control. The narcissist will fight every bit of sanity out of you, and it all starts when you start standing up to them. 

The Lies

Lies are second nature to a narcissist. If anything at all can get them out of a sticky situation, they will use it to do that. 

Lies can look like:

Telling other people that you’re the issue.

Trying to deny you of your own reality by gaslighting you. 

Lying to your face about things they’ve done or not done. 

Standing up to them will see an uglier side of the narcissist than you’ve ever seen before rear its ugly head. 

Don’t say I didn’t warn you. 

The Blame Shift

I  don’t think I have ever met a narcissist who holds their hands up and says, “You know what? I need to stop blaming people for my own wrongdoing.”

I think life for so many victims would be much easier if they were only able to get this kind of validation, but sadly, we aren’t there. We never will be all the while narcissists continue to be – well – narcissists.

Have you ever been blamed for something that really wasn’t your fault?

Did you stand up to the narcissist one day, and have all the things you think about them thrown right back at you?

Have you plucked the courage to confront them about an issue that’s been bugging you, just to hear them accuse you of doing the same, or hurting their feelings with said accusation?

And then what?

You feel guilty? Ashamed? Embarrassed? 

Let’s go a step further here.

Because you feel any of those emotions, you shut up. You don’t do it again. That courageous part of you gets shut down by the narcissist.

You had the sheer audacity to speak up, and they put you right back in the corner where they like to keep you. 

Why should you stay there?

You shouldn’t. 

The Victim

Please don’t yell at me.

I try my best.

I don’t mean to hurt you, but you seem intent on hurting me right now.

I just don’t know what I keep doing that’s so wrong.

I know what you might be thinking.

Alexander, why are you triggering me with these comments?

I don’t mean to trigger anybody, but these phrases are common, and they can really damage the victim’s mindset as they’re attempting to finally take a stand.

Any, and I repeat, any opportunities the narcissist gets to lay themselves on the tracks of victimhood, they will.

Not only is it an outright lie, it also undermines every valid experience you’ve been through with the narcissist. 

How dare they so abruptly take those away from you in this moment?

Keep Doing What You’re Doing

It’s a hard pill to swallow, but standing up to the narcissist does come with consequences.

They never truly work in your favor, but that’s because they’re designed for you to shut up and be quiet, or there will be trouble.

What does that mean for you?

It gives you two choices.

Sure. You shut up, stay silent, and allow the abuse to continue. That’s your first choice, and the one many victims take for ease and familiarity purposes. 

The second is harder, but it will give you the freedom you both deserve and is overdue. 

You stand up anyway.

The people who are left around you are the right people. 

How Do Narcissists Manipulate Their Partners?

Narcissists are happiest when they have a partner they can twist, manipulate and control.

They love to be part of something where everybody else is smaller and less powerful than they are. Their lives have meaning, just as they feel they should daily.

There are specific ways a narcissist will manipulate their partners, though. As troubling as it may sound, these are textbook ways – and that’s where you need to pay close attention.

If this sounds like your situation, that’s because it likely is.

“My Reality is Fact!”

The reality is that you’re being manipulated by someone who has had much practice. They’ve been exactly where they are now, except with different victims. 

“You’re Nothing!”

Being told how worthless you are does a few things.

For the narcissist, it brings them to a new level of control and manipulation. If you hear something enough times, you will start to believe it. 

You believe it even more when you’re treated that way alongside those words. 

It’s all a tactic, created to destroy your hopes and dreams, your identity, and how you carry yourself each day. 

Where you once stood tall, you now slouch and try to be invisible.

That’s exactly how the narcissist wants you. 

“It’s Your Fault, Not Mine!”

Narcissists project to get whatever they’ve done wrong out of the light. They don’t want their faults or inappropriate actions to be spotted, and so they throw you out there instead.

So everybody looks at you. The narcissist looks at you as if they feel let down by you. 

And you feel that shame, because you take it on. And you take it on because they’ve pushed it so far into you that you have no choice. 

This design is set up to get them off the hook.

Thank God you are there for them to treat you this way – without you – they just might look like the bad guy.

Phew for them!

“…”

That’s right, the good old silent treatment. The way narcissists do this is by completely shutting down and ignoring you. 

If you’ve experienced it, I don’t need to tell you how uncomfortable it is. It induces panic, fear and worry, and like all things narcissists do, it is unnecessary. 

The silent treatment acts to give you nothing at all, so it’s easy for the narcissist to say, “Well, I didn’t say anything horrible. I wasn’t mean,” Then make excuses for them being quiet. 

When you’ve been given the silent treatment, you are left to your own insecure devices.

What did I do wrong?

How can I fix this?

What can I do to make them happy?

I must be a terrible person.

What’s going to happen next?

Do you need this?

No.

Yet they make it so prevalent in your world. 

It isn’t fair. 

“I Must Cause Fallout”

 What is life without a little drama? Actually, it’s quite nice. But then again, I’m speaking as an emotionally healthy person, and not a narcissist. 

The idea that drama is of such greedy interest to the narcissist is one that never fails to shock me. Why would anybody want to be in the middle of so much negativity?

Narcissists do. As people and emotions explode around them, they can act and do what they like and not be seen to be doing anything wrong at all.

Be careful here – narcissists want to pull strings to see a certain dynamic. 

If you’re a part of that, you will suffer. 

“Poor Me…”

The victim mentality of a narcissist can stop the most believing people in their tracks.

It’s all been too much for me.

I try my best.

I don’t know what I do wrong to upset people. 

I wish people would understand me.

These phrases tug at the heartstrings of those who want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and sadly – yes – it works. 

Narcissists always want to look as though they’re being wronged.

This injects:

• Guilt
• Shame
• Self-blame
• Self-loathing
• Insecurity
• Worry
• Anxiety
• Depression

In their partners, and they know this. 

They just don’t care.  

“Bringing You Back, Get Ready!”

Let’s take you back to a time where we were so in love, and everything was perfect!

We are so great, you and me. It was us against the world!

Think about all that passion we had. You’re never going to be able to find that anywhere else.

Oh, the manipulation game is strong with these kinds of phrases. They love getting you at your most vulnerable, reflecting on the distorted nostalgia between you.

It’s enough to make you paint over all the cracks in between, isn’t it? And there were a lot of those. 

What’s manipulative about this is the narcissist’s attempt to invite you to ignore their abuse, and only focus on the good (which was likely to have felt magical!) 

Don’t get sucked into this black hole.

“I Will Tell Everybody!”

Uh-oh. What’s that supposed to mean?

I think you and I both know this is not going to end well with you,

Narcissists will tell whoever listens what a horrible person you are and how you wronged them. They may stretch as far as saying that you are the cheater, you hurt them, you spread lies about them and you’re the manipulative one. 

It’s frustrating for victims, but beyond that, it’s absolutely destructive. 

Suddenly, your reputation is in tatters. It’s all based on the false word of the narcissist, who, by the way, is likely loving seeing your house of bricks fall down while their house of cards remains. 

“Nice, But Not!”

You go out, they act like the perfect partner.

You get home, and they ignore you.

You did this wrong, you did that wrong, you didn’t pay them enough attention, you flirted with that person.

Whatever it is, the charm will switch off. The mask will inevitably slip.

This is where the narcissist has learned not just to manipulate you but also to manipulate everybody else, too. They all think, “What a nice person. They’re such a good couple.”

Also the best one, 

“You’re so lucky to have them as your partner!”

Oh boy, if only they knew the truth, right? 

The truth is, you aren’t lucky. The narcissist is just very clever. They know buttons to press, when to press them, who to press them with, and they are always ready for it. 

You on the other hand then find it even more difficult to convince people of the truth.

This is the sole reason why narcissists manipulate – to make you look like the crazy one eventually, and for them to be the victim.