So you’ve reached the end of your rocky road with the narcissist.

You walked it mostly alone, and the soles of your feet are sore and chapped.

You’re tired, low and isolated. Your family isn’t around for support because you haven’t seen them in so long.

The narcissist looks as though they’re about to do or say something though. You have a feeling it’s not going to be good.

I’m here to confirm that, with these classic things narcissists do when their relationship ends.

Why it’s Usually You Who Will End the Relationship

Narcissists are rarely the ones in the relationship who will call time.

Secretly fearful of abandonment, they do all they can to keep you. Not because they love you, but because they need you.

They don’t want to be alone. All that does is raise their levels of insecurity to the surface; something they’re always keen to avoid. 

They let you end it.

Why?

So they can be the victim, of course!

You Say it’s Over…

You’ll come back!

You’ll never hear from me again!

You’ll regret your choice!

The narcissistic rage will transpire from your news that you’re leaving them.

It was likely a huge decision that didn’t come easy to you, but you’ve finally put yourself first. Now comes the hard part – their response. 

They will either completely discard you and act like you never existed, or they will obsess over telling people you were the problem.

They may even go as far as to lie and say they ended it.

Never put anything past them.

Job Posting: Flying Monkey / Salary: Nil

Come one, come all! Your country needs you!

Well… the narcissist needs you.

Are you skilled in being a flying monkey?

Can you dedicate real time to listening to and sympathizing with the lies of a narcissist?

Will you sign this contract to declare your loyalty to them?

It’s what they do. 

They will ‘hire’ whoever they can to spill their beans to. You’re a terrible person. You have issues. They did all they could. You were the love of their life. They worked hard for this to work. They’re devastated. 

Flying monkeys will appear.

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You Will Lose People

Unfortunately, this means you’ll lose people—people you thought were your support system.

Coworkers, friends, and saddest of all – even family. You are going to have to deal with a lot of changes in dynamics as the narcissist takes to the streets to win people over. 

The more they win, the more you will lose. 

It is a way to isolate you. The narcissist wants to punish you for leaving them. How dare you even contemplate it?

Instead of being sad that you’ve left, they’re enraged that you’ve taken away their own main source of narcissistic supply.

They were able to control and manipulate you all this time and now, in a puff of smoke, you’ve gone. 

Don’t think you’ll get away with it for long.

The Smear Campaign

Smear campaigns are unreal. They are the most frustrating things that happen to a person.

As if it wasn’t challenging enough having to endure the relationship with a narcissist! Now you have to endure them bringing multiple people into further lies and deceit. 

A narcissist will start a smear campaign by spreading lies about you. How you destroyed the relationship. What a terrible person you are. 

They will throw anything you accuse them of right back in your face and accuse you. This is done to damage your reputation. You thought it was good, because you are a good person. 

The narcissist has other ideas. 

Sadly this can result in seeing people talk about you, even online. You see they have the wrong idea about you, but nothing you say or do is going to cut through the lies the narcissist told. 

The worst part about smear campaigns is that the more you protest your innocence, the crazier you’ll look. 

Tips for Dealing With a Smear Campaign

• Don’t feed into what they are trying to manipulate you with
• Pick your battles
• Stop trying to persuade everyone you’re a good person
• Stay true to who you are
• Seek support from trust others
• Try therapy

How Can You Make it Better For Yourself?

Most people learn the hard way that they have more control than they think.

Yeah, getting sucked into the vortex of narcissistic smears is horrific, and once you’re in it feels impossible to get out.

As people ignore you, or speak ill about you, you feel like you are crumbling.

Let’s be honest – this was the intention of the narcissist! They want to see you fall down and not get back up.

To them, it’s your ultimate punishment for abandoning them and allowing everything they hate about themselves become official. 

You don’t have to put up with it.

It can be as simple as choosing yourself over everything else going on.

The hate, the lies, losing friends or family – none of it is easy. It’s a real grief process. 

There is light at the end of the tunnel, and people everywhere are walking away from the drama knowing they have a life to live.

Be Happy it’s Over – Even if it’s Hard!

When narcissistic relationships end, you will be faced with the challenge of breaking free from more than just one person.

The narcissist is like the queen bee, and all their workers will be buzzing around talking about the incorrect way you broke up.

They will make a lot of noise that you must learn to shut out.

Your well-being relies heavily on how you respond to different situations.

You’re wasting your time if you keep returning to this ending and wondering what you could have done differently.

Don’t Blame Yourself

You did all you could to make this relationship the best. 

Narcissists are never in it for the love, they’re in it for the attention and for the Karma at the end of it.

Their aim becomes how they can make you suffer, but your real Karma is that you are free. Even if it doesn’t feel that way.

Choosing yourself is how you start to heal. Choosing you over them is how you claw back your identity and build your self-confidence. 

The best part of something ending, is the idea that something better will begin. That might not be a relationship immediately. As you recover, you will learn things about yourself and grow in your experience. 

Narcissists will do all they can to destroy you as your relationship comes to an end.

It’s down to you to stand your ground.

These 7 Narcissist Hobbies are Instant Red Flags

Hobbies are great, right? I mean, we all have them. We pass the time doing things we love – and it’s good for the soul.

Narcissists also have hobbies but aren’t always necessarily what you might expect. These hobbies are often for self-gain in different ways than the usual pottery or yoga class.

Nope. These hobbies are huge red flags.

The hobbies of a narcissist are designed to improve and maintain their image solely.

Let’s take a look at 7 hobbies of a narcissist that are instant red flags.

#1 Exterior House Improvements

Wow, what a beautiful house!

I love what you’ve done with the place!

It looks amazing – you’re so talented.

You have such an eye for colors and visions. 

Yadda, yadda. Undoubtedly, anything that involves making improvements to the outside of the house will gain attention from others.

Narcissists love this. They love to be seen up a ladder with a paintbrush or building new fences.

Neighbors will be drawn to coming over and asking them questions bout what they’re doing and say things like:

 I don’t know how you find the time to fit it all in.

You’re obviously somebody who takes pride in where they live.

Good on you for wanting to make your home a nice place to live. 

These comments will fill the narcissist with the assurance that they are good people. It will almost be like validation for them – and the narcissist is going to lap up every word.

They don’t actually care about painting. If they could leave it, they would. 

But…

They have an image to maintain.

#2 Lavishly Decorating for Holidays

When the holidays roll around, whatever they may be, the narcissist will want to have the biggest and best decorations imaginable. 

Cutting short of being completely tasteless, they will bring the particular holiday to life and use these decorations to get people excited.

Most holiday decorations bring out the inner child in us all. Narcissists love it the most when children’s eyes light up.

Children are some of the most impressionable people on the planet.

Their innocent natures just see people for face value, and anyone who smiles and has bright lights or fun decorations outside their house has to be a fun person, too!

#3 Spending Time on Dating Apps “For Fun”

You’re going to cringe at this one, but it’s a fact that narcissists ‘use dating apps for fun.’

Many who are in relationships will openly admit to having them on their phone to their partners because they see it as a hobby.

Narcissists are some of the most judgemental people on the planet. They feel they have the god given right to be able to look at others through a critical lens just because. 

What does that mean for you?

Frequently, you can find them on dating apps, laughing to themselves, maybe even showing you!

Look at this person, who would want them?

Well, they’re far too good for this site.

They’ll tell you it’s fun, but for you, it’ll only make your self-esteem dip. How can someone be so critical of others based on their looks? What does that mean for you?

Having dating apps on their phone is a huge red flag for any spouse.

To be so brazen to use them in front of you and treat it like a big joke is really quite insensitive and disturbing.

Narcissists to a tee!

#4 Whatever ‘You’ Like to Do

Mirroring is a classic narcissistic tactic. They tend to jump on your bandwagon of loves, passions and hobbies to get you to think you ‘have everything in common.’

Oh really? I love that band too!

I’ve always been interested in hiking!

I love to take time to meditate every day. It’s so good for my mental health.

Little by little, you will think about how much you are suited. 

Mirroring is actually a way to get you to feel a certain attachment toward the narcissist.

It’s helpful to them to know you are invested in them, so the likelihood of you leaving becomes pretty much non-existent. 

Prepare for red flags to fly high when you spot someone loving everything you love.

It’s actually nice to meet someone with whom you have one or two mutual hobbies. It’s also nice to know you like different things, so you can maintain your independence and identity. 

Narcissists don’t want that for you. 

#5 Working Out Obsessively 

Exercise is healthy. We are constantly told to keep our bodies and minds as healthy as possible because life, right?

If you meet someone totally obsessed with going to the gym, but beyond that, obsessed with their image in unfathomable ways – watch for what that means. 

It’s good to know that a person is taking care of themselves but not to the point where it’s all they do.

Constantly checking themselves in the mirror and loving themselves means deep insecurities exist.

While insecurities don’t solely point to narcissism, they indicate a level of unhealthiness. Red flags are born here. 

The gym isn’t a narcissistic place, but narcissists are known to congregate here because of all the compliments they would receive as a result of constant working out. 

They love the guts, they love the glory. 

#6 Gambling

I don’t want to create a strong link between narcissists and gambling, but there is an addictive link between the two that can be a red flag.

Narcissists have an addictive personality. Their personalities lean heavily to addictions to wealth, power, status or fame. 

Maybe even all!

They exaggerate their achievements and crave admiration and praise from others daily. 

So then let’s look at how addictive this can all be, and how damaging it is to like something such as gambling. 

If you meet somebody who is known for enjoying gambling to the point where they’d consider it a hobby…

It’s time to see it as a red flag. 

#7 Using Their Own Narcissistic Habits Like Hobbies

This one may not appear too obvious at first, but think about it.

We do a lot of what we tend to like, right?

Suppose the narcissist in your life spends a lot of time criticizing, belittling, punishing, exerting their power, and generally being unpleasant. In that case, it will be a red flag you can’t ignore.

Narcissists love to get stuck in other people’s business. They love to ridicule and tear down friends, family, or even strangers and acquaintances. 

They enjoy it so much that barely a moment goes by where they can resist. 

Noticing this really brings out the ugly in that narcissist (if it wasn’t already obviously in vision…)

Look out for these crass displays – and avoid them as a result.