Don’t you love love? If it’s real love, it’s unbeaten. Nothing can even come close to it.
When you first meet a narcissist, a lot of things can have similar feelings. You think, “Wow. I cannot believe how fast I fell for this person. It’s true love.”
Time will show you that you were wrong, but in the interim period, you are left blindsided by what you think is love, but isn’t, all because of how the narcissist chooses to act.
To make it a little easier for you, I’ve got the 3 things narcissists do that feel like love, but aren’t.
Love? Magic!
Where did you get the fairytale idea from that love is eternally magical? Wsa it a narrative you spun yourself growing up in a house that lacked it?
Did you dream one day of escaping the neglectful hands of a parent and replace your environment with a much more loving one?
I applaud you if that’s the case. After all, who wouldn’t want to improve their lives?
There’s a but.
But, love isn’t a fairytale. It’s beautiful, I grant you. It really is the best thing in the world to meet somebody who loves you as much as you love them, but love is also hard work.
It involves a level of compromise, and it’s a constant stream of learning as you move through life together.
You learn to listen, you learn to forgive, and you learn to appreciate all the small things you do for each other.
But also, you learn patience. Nobody gets on all of the time, and you have to work through your differences as and when they arise.
But you do, and you make it work, because loving them and being loved is what you both consciously want.
I need you to know that there’s no magic involved. Just the reality of two people wanting the same outcome together.
When you meet somebody who makes love feel like that magical fairytale, you have to surmise that eventually this is going to fade, and you will be left with real life.
So, what do you want that real life to look like?
#1 Love bombing/obsessive attention
Love-bombing is not love. If you need to read that again, do so as many times as it takes for you to start believing it.
The reason all those huge gestures and actions at the start of a relationship are called love-bombs is because a bomb goes off and causes a lot of mess and it’s hard to clear that mess up.
With love as a prefix, you wouldn’t want to clear it up, right? And that mess is a good mess.
That’s why people find love-bombing difficult to pull away from and see the reality of.
It can feel initially like a welcome to the lives of those who have spent much of their lives seeking love and affection from people.
Finally, they’re getting it, and it feels great to know that they are the center of somebody’s world.
Except, I hate to say it, but you’re not. The center of a narcissist’s world will always be themselves.
They just like to put victims on a pedestal briefly so that a trauma bond can be created making it hard for the victim to then leave.
The attention quickly becomes obsessive. You can’t go anywhere without the narcissist texting or calling, and demanding you answer and give them your full attention.
When you don’t, they wonder where you are or who you’re with. They condemn you for having a life outside the two of you, so you drop the things that keep you from focusing on them solely.
Ask yourself, is this love?
#2 Air of jealousy framed as caring
There is a big difference between a little envy, and a damaging amount of jealousy. Narcissists don’t carry envy, they carry its darker sibling all the time.
You don’t want to go to the gym again, do you? You’ll waste away or hurt yourself.
Meanwhile, they’re sitting at home refusing to take care of themselves. Doesn’t seem right or fair, but this is what they do.
And they act as though they care about you, but they don’t. They just don’t want you doing things and succeeding while they do nothing. It would make them look so bad!
As much as narcissists frame that they care for you, you must always look for the hidden meanings behind what they’re telling you. Only then you’ll know the truth.
If somebody loved you, I mean realty loved you, why would they need to be jealous? They should be happy that you’re doing so well, or succeeding, right?
So when you next experience the narcissist hitting the wall of jealousy, think about what’s really going on.
If love were an emotion, jealousy wouldn’t even be on the list, would it? It doesn’t matter how they paint the jealousy (to act like they care), all that matters is that it even exists in the first place.
It’s something you must never get used to. If you do, it’ll only end up causing you more pain.
#3 They call it deep connection but later weaponize
How can something so heavy be any kind of positive connection? I just don’t see it, do you?
Narcissists love to frame what they have with you and say it’s love. They want to put a label on it so you can read that label and act accordingly.
Sweeping you up in the moment is exactly how they end up making you feel as though you’ve met somebody you can’t imagine living without.
Then, the script is flipped. When you dare try to make new friends or meet up with old ones, they will want to know why you’re doing things without them.
It’s not fair.
I thought I meant a lot to you.
This was our thing.
And now they feel like they have to share your connection with others, so they will use that very thing to prove to you how cruel you’re being.
Make it make sense?
I wish I could, but in all my time learning about narcissism, I’ve yet to encounter one who doesn’t meet all of these criteria.
Remember this about narcissists…
A great closing statement to make would be to sell you what narcissists are really after.
They’re after your supply, and they know you want to be loved.
They know you missed out on being properly loved in your past, which is why you’re so keen to jump into a relationship so quickly with somebody you don’t know because it feels so good.
But this is the trick they pull you into. This is the painful reminder that you were never in control, and you never stood a chance all the while you fell for that trick.
Instead of viewing their advances as anything resembling love, see them as a danger sign.
A red flag that you tick all the boxes to become their next victim. That alone should give you a huge cause for concern, and leave you running for the door.
